Is It Ok To Get Angry At Other People?

[Meadowsweet]

anger is an emotion that can signal that someone is doing something to us that is not valuing us or in some way mistreating us, so it can be a way to reclaim our self-worth in a way

It can be, and I'm not suggesting that a person shouldn't set boundaries or should let others walk all over them. But anger can also be a signal that someone has inadvertantly pushed out buttons, not knowing that we have issues in that area. It can also be a signal that we have misunderstood the intentions of another, and are reacting in fear.

 

[Philippa]

The first is assertive, the second is aggressive.

To say 'I am angry...' is owning it and expressing it assertively. To say 'you are making me angry...' is passing on responsibility and you are more likely to lose control that way and go off into territory that is said to hurt.

I totally agree with this. It's the language we use that makes the difference between whether we are being assertive or aggressive. Most people need help with this.

 

[Pencil]

There's anger and then there is aggression, and there is a big difference between the two, and they are not always connected.

Edit: Posts crossed.

 

[Philippa]

Aggression and anger do stem from fear and powerlessness much of the time. The whole punk scene was born from poor lower class kids who felt powerless and out of control at the state of their country and the economy which made them feel that they were not ever going to escape their situations...and it was expressed in loud, angry, in your face music that offended everyone.

I find it interesting that in chimps, when they smile and show their teeth it is a sign of aggression...and in humans we have made a smile mean that the person is happy, when often that isn't true and they are really afraid.

 

[Meadowsweet]

I wonder if you are not actually simply referring to people being verbally abusive.

Possibly. It's stuff that at first I've thought was verbally abusive, but people have said, well I'm entitled to do that etc. Or they've said at the time that they know people won't like it, but they are hurting and they are entitled to let rip. So that's why I'm questioning my judgement. I know that I'm sensitive to other people being angry, so their self-justification makes me wonder if it's me and my issues that make it seem so unpleasant.

But if I share an opinion with Aristotle, it can't be too off lol.

 

[Philippa]

I had a woman in my art therapy class once try and tell me to ask "my angels" to help me get rid of all my anger, (even though I had not expressed any of it to her or anyone in my class directly or covertly) and she felt terribly uncomfortable even sitting next to me, saying that apparently my anger was "sending out arrow vibes to everyone and hurting them". I was just sitting there...quietly paying attention to the teacher.

I asked later if any of the other students felt I was hurting them with my anger and they all rolled their eyes and said don't be silly and said it was ok if I was angry.

I guess it all depends on how sensitive different people are.

 

[Pencil]

wonder if it's me and my issues that make it seem so unpleasant.

No, it really is unpleasant :)

 

[Pencil]

For many years I was intensely, relentlessly angry. It occurred to me one day that I never felt other emotions, and I came to the conclusion that I translated all emotion into anger. So, yes, a lot of anger is fear based. Anger is definitely the easiest and simplest emotion to experience. It is also one of the first emotions babies develop.

This is very interesting topic! Can I think about it and come back to lay a few more eggs?

 

[The Albatross]

The correct use of anger is motivation and adrenaline to initiate change. Also there are 5 potentially "good" aspects of anger:

1. Anger protects
2. Anger signals
3. Anger rules
4. Anger talks
5. Anger teaches

 

[Meadowsweet]

There's anger and then there is aggression, and there is a big difference between the two, and they are not always connected.

I think, reading through the thread so far, perhaps I should have asked what is the difference between anger and aggression, or how do we tell?

 

[The Albatross]

A good example would be my reaction recently to a newer member. I got angry, but then I got aggressive. It was okay to be angry, but not okay to be aggressive when I reacted to the perceived hurt.

 

[Pencil]

OED: Feelings of anger or antipathy resulting in hostile or violent behaviour; readiness to attack or confront.

So aggression is defined as both a feeling and an attitude/act. I can (and often) feel aggressive without letting it show.

Often, people are simply rude and aggressive. When you ask them why they are angry, they deny anger. But when you point out that they are rude / aggressive, they will suddenly justify their 'anger'.