Is it possible to pretend to have a normal life with complex ptsd/dissociation?

[Sophie's Daddy]

I have this for over 3 years now and it seem that I have adjusted to this.i mean that I have got better a...

Yep, I've dealt with this for decades, no kidding. For most of that time, I thought the world around me was wrong, that I was the normal one.

Then, by a fluke encounter with a therapist, I was diagnosed with BPD. Suddenly, things made sense, but that didn't change decades of my borderline behavior.

I tried to pretend, forever it seemed, to change a lifetime of this thinking. Eventually, I withdrew to the point of full-blown agoraphobia.

Only through mindfulness, which I've practiced for just a few years have I been able to make lasting changes.

But mindfulness is just a word to me still, sometimes a word at times I wish I'd never heard. It's hard but it works for me.

Maybe you can replace some of the pretending with some preemptive mindfulness, ie thinking of what you'll say before you say it so that you won't have to pretend as much.

You'll have to slow down your "usual self" when interacting with people, as I did, but you may find yourself gradually feeling less and less as if you're pretending around others.

It's like the metaphor of eating an elephant – one bite at a time. Bon appetit!

 

[SylviaS]

I feel like I've lived one big blag. I am 54 and it wasn't until about 9 years ago that I acknowledged the impact of my past on my personality.
I managed to train as a nurse and was always cringing inside with self loathing and shame. My insecurities were excruciating. I just felt that I was the different one, damaged wiring but outwardly, no one would ever have guessed though. They still wouldn't....how I present is so opposite to how I feel, right from waking up each day.
So yes, it's possible to continue to pretend but sooner or later the toll it takes starts to crack the foundations. For me, that's where therapy, self care and kindness have come in. I've got miles to go, but I cut myself some (a little) slack now a days.
Sorry for ramble.

 

[Sophie's Daddy]

I feel like I've lived one big blag. I am 54 and it wasn't until about 9 years ago that I acknowledged...

I've found the almost intuitive insights in a book called I Thought it Was Always Me – But It Isn't, by Brene Brown (sounds like Renée, but with a "B") helpful in understanding this better myself.

 

[I_will_recover]

I'm not very keen on the word normal. I removed it from my vocabulary 20 years ago. However, I have been pretending to be OK and happy my entire life (sometimes I buried my pain so deep I did feel happy, even though deep deep deep down inside my heart felt bruised) . I learned to do it at a very early age when I was being abused. Putting on a brave face so no one would know the shame and horror I was going through.

My problem with pretending is the people i need support from most doubt by trauma because I bottle it. And once it spills over it seems overly dramatic to them. I had a friend asked me was I ever sad because she always saw me smiling and joyful. This was after recent assault.

 

[Rag doll]

I have this for over 3 years now and it seem that I have adjusted to this.i mean that I have got better a...

It is possible to fake anything....but what are you doing to yourself ....by not getting the help you need? Just a thought.

 

[Gamergirldelux]

Hi Mickey. Yes I do believe it is possible. But that doesn't mean it easy in any sense. I take two medications and for the most part feel okay. I don't know if I'll ever feel normal because my entire life has never felt like that due to #cptsd But it's what you make of it. Good days are good and bad days are bad. I tend to turtle and shut out the world sometimes. And I think that's okay if I'm alone but sometimes I do it to my boyfriend and he doesn't let me turtle or like hide away because he wants me to know that I'm safe with him etc. So I think it's perception but I wish you all the best and well wishes and healing.

 

[Gamergirldelux]

Yep. Some of that involved hiding symptoms as they came up... But I didn't have a lot of symptoms to hide. The transition period, from being highly symptomatic to almost asymptomatic? Involved a whole helluva lot of faking normal, and hiding symptoms. It was less about pretending to be normal, however, and more about teaching myself how to be normal.

Yes very much agree with this.

 

[Ruth Bateson]

Even my parents, when I lived with them, didn't realise. No body knew until I had a complete mental breakdown In front of my best friend. Now she's the only one. I don't think people want to know. If something's wrong with you, they would rather just wait until it blows over. But PTSD doesn't blow over, so people just ignore it or stop noticing it.

 

[gealach]

I absolutely fake being "normal". I laugh at people's jokes, I smile, I shop, i work, I can even handle a bit of small talk... but it's all a lie & I'm exhausted at the end of the day. I've told my work partner & 1 friend that I have ptsd, but didn't offer any details. If I hadn't said anything they likely wouldn't know.... doesn't make me ok, or cured, but some days the act is academy award worthy.

 

[Someday Soon]

I have PTSD with a complex trauma history (how my T likes to tag the CPTSD until it's an officially listed diagnosis) I can tell you I went 5 years being "normal" if that is what you call it, in all honesty not knowing the difference. I avoided certain triggers (as I now know the teminology as), men, bars/clubs, friends, the world etc I pretended the abuse I was suffering was completely within my daily routine and anything else was just a bonus. However for me a huge moment came when a situation resulted in a overloading moment where my brain could not handle and it fell apart. You do find out who true people are in said situation, my work environment chose to humiliate and treat me like a door mat, my family, well that's another story, my doctor who knew me for 2 years and had absolutely no idea was flattened with an overwhelming tidal wave, that left u utterly speechless. However I can thank him, he told me what I was suffering was abuse, told me to get out, without him, I would still be in the situation. Therapy also helps, sucks to stick with and sucks even more to follow along with but it has its ups and downs and the more you stick to it the better it seems to be, maybe I will one day not be as fake as I feel, we shall see...

 

[UnkleKrappy]

I'd never say I could've passed for normal, but I've been employed and kept it together for a while. I eventually miss a day for illness, and then the flashbacks start...It's possible, but don't count on it lasting.