Is It Stupid To Tell Others I Have PTSD?

[Lionheart]

"I have ptsd or I am disabled with ptsd." ....with the exceptions of a therapist, criminal lawyer, doctor, and others who suffer the same disorder, is it ever really a good idea to divulge this information about ourselves? It has been, (and continues to be), my experience that, whenever I share this fact with significant others, it is almost always used as a weapon against me, (esp. when the person is angry with me).

I am so tired of misinformed, uneducated people using the guise of, "I was just trying to help you" as an excuse to batter me for having a condition that is not totally within my control.

I mean, c'mon we don't chase down crippled folks and beat them with their crutches just because they are crippled, right?

I would like to hear from anyone and everyone who has had these kinds of experiences where you are battered simply because you suffer with ptsd. I am asking myself the question, "Is it always like this?" :think:

 

[2quilt]

As with any relationship, acquaintance only or casual, I would not divulge anything personal until I feel comfortable with that person. When I first meet people, they see that obviously I am physically disabled, and most people with manners say nothing about my leg braces.
Once we have shared a laugh and broken the ice, many times they will ask me personal questions about my health. Depending on alot of variables (how I feel at the moment, whether or not I will ever see that person again, if I feel friendly toward that person and can envision a long-term friendship, how the questions are posed to me, etc) I may give no answer as if the person never spoke, or I will give a vague answer like,"It's a long story" or I may just explain my disease and what happened in Desert Storm.

It's a dance. Some people I have known for a long time still don't know anything personal about me. Go with your gut reactions to tell you when to tell someone about yourself and how much to tell, when.

Some people are genuinely interested in you as a whole person, while others are just nosey about diseases and see other people as scientists see germs under a microscope.

We are more than our illnesses.

 

[Grama-Herc]

When I was in hospital this was an big topic of dicussion. What, when and even IF to tell.

The best advise I received was decide what I was going to say if and when I was ever asked and stick to that. I like 2 quilt's response "It's a long story". Period and leave it at that. I too, have chosen to tell and the reactions stunned me to say the least.

I attribute it to ignorance /lack of knowledge. I have had people drop me flat when they found out and I was of the mistaken impression they were friends.

So in answer to the question, Yea! It is pretty much always like this, until you find the right person.

You are not stupid for telling people, none of us are. I think it is normal for us to want to find someone who will understand and deal with this and still love us.

 

[2quilt]

I agree with Herc that telling someone that you have a mental illness can be the 'acid test' for the relationship.

What you have to do before you divulge your PTSD is to envision possible responses, and be ready with your own responses to their reactions.

 

[Marlene]

Acid test it is. I have a few friends who know I have it and that I've been through a lot. Only one knows how much I can struggle from day to day. I had one friend that, when I told her (nothing graphic...just an outline in one paragraph of an email of what it is and what it means) I never heard from her again. Another told me she'd be my friend when PTSD was out of my life. Etc., etc., etc,. I'm sure all of us here have those types of stories.

In answer to the original question...no, I don't think it's stupid to tell others about your PTSD. I tend to do it in small increments. I don't talk about my traumas. Only here, with my therapist and my husband. Tends to freak people out to hear about traumas. I think it shakes their safe little worlds too much.

One thing I've learned (and I can't believe it took me so long to realize) is that it's my choice what I reveal. I always thought it someone was my friend they got to know lock, stock and barrel about me. It's only been in the last few years that I've learned that it's my choice what I reveal. Sometimes I want to stand on a mountain top and scream out to the world what happened to me and what the results are. Just to get it out of the shadows. But a more realistic view is that I know, others know and it's not a nasty little secret anymore.

Lisa

 

[cec]

Hi Lionheart.

I personlly don't tell others, but I think one possible guide for sharing or not sharing our trauma is asking ourselves, "will my choice to withhold or share my trauma benefit me or the other person enough to warrent any negative reprocusions that could occur?" I liked what marlene said " ..it's my choice what I reveal."

I did tell someone a tiny bit once --just to explaine why I couldn't phisically do something expected of me. The person, whom I tursted, responded, "your so negative!" ouch!

cec

 

[CaptainR]

This is a tremendous question, and one that I'm ashamed to answer.

I'm ashamed to answer it because I'm supposed to be a leader, and I don't share this part of me with anyone. PTSD and cops is rampant, but we don't allow you to talk about it. If you show sensitivity, or emotion, or ill-effects from the job, no one ever looks at you the same again. We say all the right things to the rookies, and in meetings and memos, but the reality is there is no respect for what is viewed as weakness. And I am ashamed that I continue to perpetuate that stigma by refusing to be honest with those around me about my condition.

Cops are about three times more likely to kill themselves than they are to be killed on-duty. Last three years an average of 450 suicides a year, and around 150 on-duty deaths. Yet we still don't want to admit any weakness. Strength and control is what it's all about. No one wants to work with, or for, someone they think can't handle it when things get dangerous. So, we just keep on rolling along, pretending none of it bothers us, making the abhorrent jokes to deal with the stress and show how much we don't care, drinking ourselves blind, and putting guns in our mouths when we can't take faking anymore.

So, I'm ashamed that I don't tell often enough what haunts my mind, and maybe one day I will. Probably take the coward's route, and spend time sharing that when I am safely retired and away from it all.

Thanks for this thread, it really sent my mind working.

 

[Lionheart]

CaptainR, you have my utmost admiration and respect for your honesty. I think that strength and control, in general, is a men's issues that stems from the way little boys are socialized; (taught what it means to be a man). I can easily imagine that the idea of a man always being in complete control is compounded by the mythical image of a cop who is never supposed to show emotion, sensitivity or ill effects. What an incredibly superhuman feat to live up to.

I have long known and understood that police officers sometimes struggle with PTSD due to the nature of their jobs, and I never thought less of them for that. My thought is that just because the ship is sinking, is no sign that you have to go down with it. Men and cops are being asked to be less than human and a superhuman hero at the same time. That to me is just crazy. Most men aren't strong enough to allow themselves to be exposed for the vulnerable, sensitive humans that they are....it takes lots of guts just to admit that to ourselves.

It seems to me that we men are like watermelons, we appear hard on the outside, but we are all mush-melon on the inside. These are just my thoughts and humble opinions, so please take them for what they are. Still, I would like to suggest to you that you have nothing to be ashamed of......you are definitely a hero in my book. :clap:

 

[Deleted member 1860]

Oh, you may not want to listen to me, but I am to the point where I am so fed up with people in general....I've run the gamut in terms of diagnoses'...I've had everything from major depression to bipolar disorder to generalized anxiety disorder to borderline personality disorder and now finally PTSD. I use PTSD as the ultimate litmus test. Extreme? Perhaps. But I'm at a point in my life where I only want people in my life if they are going to be supportive. I am strong enough to stand on my own. I don't need any half-assed friendships. I tell everyone, and I do mean everyone that I have PTSD. If I don't get a supportive response, they are GONE. Harsh, yes. But if someone can't support me while I'm going through the worst thing of my life, then I don't need them in my life. I am always there for others, so if they can't be there for me, then I don't need them. Sorry, but that's just me.

 

[patrick]

I haven't known I have PTSD that long, but with people I know it's nice to be able to tell them about it rather than having to say "I don't know" when they ask me "Why the hell did you do that?" People who have known me for a while have guessed that something about me is not quite normal, and now they know. Hasn't seemed to make much difference, except that I get a little more of that male ribbing. I don't mention it at all to people I don't know well unless there is a compelling reason to do so. I don't think that will change. It just feels to me like it's nobody's business but my own as long as I'm behaving myself.

 

[TLight]

I guess I've had bad experiences telling people and some good. I have one friend who truly tries to understand and who listens. But I also make sure and tell her about my progress also and we talk about living life too.

I'd be extremely careful who you choose to tell. I've learned also that what I reveal about myself and when I do that is entirely up to me and my business. I can develop close friendships without those people knowing about my PTSD. It can be based on something else and for it to be a healthy friendship, it NEEDS to be based on other things in a balance.
This is my opinion.

But, ignorance and fear of mental illness abounds and the chances of more secondary wounding are very great and can be devastating. So caution is required for me.

 

[fin]

I understand this also T, thankyou for sharing this here, caution is a thing for me also, trust is and can be very difficult to find sometimes. I am trying to be careful though. Thankyou for reminding me also.