Is my t being reckless by suggesting emdr?

[UnicornSightings]

So I wrote my t an email telling him how I’m having a hard time as I’m so obsessed with what I think HE thinks about me that I don’t want to talk about much. It was fine for a few months but this has been showing up. We’ve had a few small talk sessions and while they’re nice for rapport, I want to say more. So I emailed expressing this and how I trust that he will be kind and caring but I’m afraid he will think horrible things. So he replied by suggesting EMDR and some somatic stuff. I feel like that’s massively jumping the gun! He went for EMDR training just this weekend! Like if he’s gonna f*ck it up it’s gonna be at the very start. I feel it’s super careless of him since even smaller things like saying I’m a bit more depressed than usual is really hard. Plus I have CPTSD and not super specific memories of trauma. It was more just how I lived, you know? He won’t lose much if this EMDR experiment goes poorly. I’m doing pretty damn well in life. Working on my degree and implementing more self-care. I can’t fall down into an abyss. I don’t get out of those. I have to wait them out. Fortunately they are super rare, specifically because I avoid things I don’t want to look at. I mentioned in the email that due to thinking HE’S thinking horrible stuff I don’t want to go. That I will but that that hesitance is really showing up. I’m kind of pissed that he’s suggesting this. Last session he said he was doing the EMDR training and asked if I would try that and I said yes thinking it would be down the line and not IMMEDIATE. I guess I thought he knew where I was at and now not feeling that so much anymore. Anyway, I will mention this all to him but I wanted your perspectives of this. I’ve read here that EMDR can really stir up your shit. I don’t know if I want an amateur trying to get his experience in with me at my detriment.

 

[ShadowWolf]

I think you are on the right track to bring up your concerns with him. Given that you say you haven't gone very deep yet, do you think he realizes your concerns about EMDR? He may have taken your yes as more enthusiastic than you meant it. Also, considering he emailed you about this, he may not be as determined to proceed with it as he sounds in email. Or are you more angry that he is even suggesting it?

I do understand why you would be frustrated. My therapist is not trained in EMDR, but another therapist in his group is. He used to keep bringing it up that he could refer me to her, and it made me so angry. Because to me it felt like he was trying to reject me. Also, because how could he know it would be helpful for me if he'd never done it? But I think (now) it came from a place of care and thinking that it would help me.

Also, I don't know much about EMDR, but I believe there is supposed to be some sort of grounding phase before you begin. Maybe ask him to explain more what it is like. I think you are right to be concerned, but the only way he will better understand where you are is to talk about it.

(Sorry if I sound too critical. I am really trying not be critical.)

 

[UnicornSightings]

You know when you’re angry and no one is around to stop you you do things you may not otherwise do? Well I replied. Angrily. And I hesitated to send it cause I knew I’d calm down but you know when you’re mad and writing an email, it just feels really good to hit send. And so I did. So my concerns are officially voiced, he emailed an apology and now I have to apologize for how I worded the email lol. It wasn’t that bad but it was passive-aggressive. I really think he was jumping the gun for sure but I think he only wants to try to help. That help got him an angry email tonight.

 

[EveHarrington]

That doesn’t sound all that healthy.

Your therapist was just trying to help and you respond by sending him an angry passive aggressive email?

You’re risking getting your email privileges taken away.

 

[UnicornSightings]

That doesn’t sound all that healthy.

Your therapist was just trying to help and you respond b...

Hahaha!! I know, right? For sure. That would be a good thing. :p

It’s cool. I have my apology prepared. It wasn’t that bad, just very honest. We’ll be ok.

 

[ShadowWolf]

I've sent an angry email to my therapist before. He actually didn't mind and didn't take it personally. (Not that I'm saying it's healthy.)

 

[Daph]

I know a T has to start somewhere with a new treatment after training. But I get not wanting to be a guinea pig when EMDR is known for making people become worse when they thought they had hit rock bottom before. Plus you said you were sort of in a good state with self care and school.

What has your T been using as treatment? CBT?
If you like it and it is working for you why change?
Or is there something you want to get past, you said you avoid triggers, that maybe current therapy isn't accomplishing? And if so, can you handle a treatment like this while going to school/training?
If you have to wait till some stuff is finished like training, that would give your T some time to practice his EMDR if you decide to try it in the future.
Would your T still be in contact with say a mentor if needed during your treatment for if and when concerns come up? Would you be able to stop that treatment anytime as per your T or are there some side effects if you do?

I have personally been terrified of the EMDR even though I have friends who it has worked for. Nobody wants to worsen especially when a person has been in a state of not feeling safe from themself prior.

Funny thing is, I am sort being a guinea pig with my T for ART, accelerated resolution therapy, but that is because there is a part that you refresh or debrief almost so you don't take stuff home like EMDR. My T has a mentor and I can stop anytime, which I almost did as first treatment I took on too big of a subject so we did not make it to the debrief or calming phase. But I was at the point where CBT was not working and I needed to try something to get past stuff as I haven't been living my life.

 

[UnicornSightings]

I've sent an angry email to my therapist before. He actually didn't mind and didn't take it personal...

Yeah mine says he prefers complete honesty. But yeah, not the healthiest. But geez, we’re in therapy for a reason, right? Lol. Thanks for relating! I don’t feel as bad.

I know a T has to start somewhere with a new treatment after training. But I get not wanting to be a guine...

Yeah! Thanks for all this. Yes, I’m in a good space as far as not being too down, you know? Making healthy changes to my life and staying the course with school and working on my perfectionism and doing well there. Being consistent with habits and working on goals. I don’t allow myself to feel really bad feelings and aside from a couple in-person friends and a good online one and family, I steer clear of people. So socially I need work and have self-worth issues (don’t we all). But I don’t want to derail all my progress, you know?

This t is humanistic/existential. We’ve just been talking and it’s been good. We have a strong rapport. He knows I want to feel more and is being patient and letting me say things as I get more comfortable only we are kinda at a stuck point with that. I really want to open up more about my feelings and allow myself to really be vulnerable there. And he proposed EMDR which just seems drastic considering where we are but I don’t know enough about it, only the horror stories, so I’ll have to hear him out.

I have no idea if he’d still be in contact with a mentor. Surely there’s more to it than just one weekend of training?! I hope so. I don’t know if you can stop after a bit of EMDR. I guess I’m afraid of memories coming to the surface. My guess would be you wouldn’t be able to stop until it’s too late. I also just ASSUMED in my email to him that he wouldn’t teach me any coping skills prior to beginning. I don’t know if that’s true but that has never been something that has been talked about in session.

Can you tell me more about ART?

 

[Daph]

Yeah! Thanks for all this. Yes, I’m in a good space as far as not being too down, you know?...

Iieie...my T gave me a write up that wouldn't have helped me explain lol, but of course I cannot find it. There is a few forums on it I believe.
Basically, it is a cross between CBT and EMDR. There is no homework (Woohoo!). ART uses eye movements to process a scene or subject that may involve many scenes. I personally can only do one scene versus a subject.

You watch your T's hand as you start running the call through your mind. They do short periods and will ask if you had any feelings come up. If so, they can process those feelings with the hand movements so you can go on and finish the scene. My T asks if anything I want to share periodically and I don't have too. And after getting through the scene and processing the emotions you kind of repaint the picture or when you see a distressing event through eye movements you jump to a tool of say Thinking of your dog.
Depends what works for you....like I imagined doing a Viking funeral for one where of all my EMS gear was on a raft, I lit it on fire and pushed it out into the ocean haha.

You still keep the memory or details, but the idea is it takes away the emotions or negative emotions and replaces it with something positive so you feel a little more refreshed. And you focus on how you feel the first 36-48 hrs. Might have bits of anxiety or most times I get crazy energy to get stuff done. Keep the T informed if concerned, but she taught me to do the eye movements at home and I actually use an EMDR app just for the visual for the side to side movement of the eyes needed as my arm gets tired.

Iieie...my T gave me a write up that wouldn't have helped me explain lol, but of course I cannot find it....

Oh and it involves periods of doing some deep breathing (we decided to do 3 versus the one breath for me as it take about the 3rd where I get a good deep breath) after each eye movement process that I find relaxing.

 

[Freida]

run away.

Just saying

EMDR can be used for CPTSD but it is MUCH more complicated than doing run of the mill EMDR. If he just learned how to do it he is not ready to take on a complex case and I'm kind of shocked that he would even suggest it.

I've been doing EMDR once a week for almost a year and it is brutal. Successful yes - but brutal. The problem is that when I get into a memory of one trauma it can suddenly spiral into a whole different one. Then it is up to my T to get me grounded again. She sometimes has to work really hard to get me back.

The last thing in the world I would want is an minimally trained EMDR therapist trying to slog thru the nightmare that is my brain. His intentions are good because EMDR can be amazingly helpful. But. Please think carefully of being his trial baby.

 

[Suzetig]

I really think he was jumping the gun for sure but I think he only wants to try to help. That help got him an angry email tonight.

What do you want from therapy? Because this sounds like you’re testing your T, trying to discipline him in some way into doing/not doing what you want. You emailed him, he emailed you some suggestions about how you might move forward and that “got him an angry email”? What did you actually want from him and how would he know?

If you don’t want to do EMDR don’t, but don’t be surprised that your T, who is training and can see its usefulness, suggests it to you. You don’t need to do it at all, you don’t need to do it with him but why the angry email.

I honestly think therapy should stay in session for this reason, if you had talked to him he could have explained his thinking, you could have said you felt pushed away etc and some work might have happened in that space. Instead you’ve already “prepared” your apology before you’ve even heard what he has to say. How much of your sessions are honestly about what you need to work on (trauma, recovery) and how much is avoidance (unnecessary email drama, finding difficulties in the relationship etc), trauma work is hard but that’s what you need to do - in whatever way you think might help. If you don’t want to do EMDR then don’t, but talking about talking about it will only get you so far.

It sounds like the email communication is getting in the way of you actually working in the moment with your T, which is your choice but you’re spending time and money on stuff that isn’t supporting your recovery. In the meantime you’re losing valuable time while playing games with your T.

 

[UnicornSightings]

run away.

Just saying

EMDR can be used for CPTSD but it is MUCH more complicated than doing run of the...

Yeah exactly! It’s completely jumping the gun, right? Like I think I had reason to be freaked out! I get he’s really excited about just learning it but damn, I really don’t want my head messed up like that. Especially before trust is even solid.

What do you want from therapy? Because this sounds like you’re testing your T, trying to discipline h...

Thanks but I don’t think I’m playing games with my t at all. I think I had a legit right to be freaked out by his suggestion to my concern of how to begin to open up more. My email to him was exactly about how to do the work. His reply to do something from “Hey I can’t tell you even the little things” to “let’s have you tell me your worst moments in life!” was a little insane so my anger kind of makes sense. Was emailing my frank thoughts necessary at that point? Likely not but I meant everything I said. So I get points for saying exactly what was on my mind. An accomplishment. And who ever said therapy HAS to happen “in session” only? Everything is a part of it. And also returning after being angry is huge for me. Usually I just say goodbye at that point. So thinking of how to apologize to him AND also planned to really hear him out is amazing! I’m proud of that. But you like to come on here and act all righteous like YOU know how to do trauma therapy. Maybe it’s different for everyone and maybe we all get it wrong sometimes and find a way through anyway. Maybe try to understand fully before you go ahead and act like you know exactly how things should be done. If I want to ignore the hardest things to look at for a good year or two more and work on other things in therapy, that’s my damn prerogative. You don’t have to like my way of going about trying to find healing but you could be a lot more respectful to people. We are all doing our best.