Is Pride Acceptable?

[Sideways]

I have a lot of trouble accepting compliments from people (mostly it's guilt that I've deceived them into thinking I'm worthy of compliments). But what I find even harder is acknowledging my own achievements, or even just good things I've done.

My T has me writing down 3 things every day that I've done and that I feel good about. It's not just hard - it actually makes me angry at myself. My head spins itself into this tornado of self-loathing "how dare you think of yourself as anything but the disgusting, worthless sl*t that you are". Instead of helping me feel good about myself, it's as if being told to even try to feel good about myself sets off my self-loathing switch.

As part of my abuse, I was explicitly taught that "pride is unacceptable". He'd humiliate me to help me overcome my pride so that pride didn't get in the way of me fulfilling my purpose (as a whore essentially).

I'm pretty sure that being explicitly taught that didn't help, but I'm guessing that even without express 'lessons' against feeling pride, I'd still be struggling with this stuff. Does anyone else relate at all?

 

[StarChild]

Oh my... Dear @Ragdoll Circus, what you describe has absolutely nothing to do with pride at all... But with a deeply wounded soul, low / destroyed self esteem and tons of self loathing. Stemming from the abuse and brain washing, that this a**hole put you through. Do you know the Stockholm syndrome? Your last thread sounded quite a bit like that syndrome...

He'd humiliate me to help me overcome my pride so that pride didn't get in the way of me fulfilling my purpose (as a whore essentially).

The goal of your abuser was to break you and destroy your personality. I hope, that one day you can believe it, when I say now, hat your "purpose" is to be truly loved as well as truly respected and of course, "handled with utmost gentleness and care".

 

[twinkle30]

I grew up Catholic and the nuns at school would tell us we had to be humble and not prideful. So eighth grade came around and I had to write an essay for a scholarship for high school. I was having a hard time and my teacher asked me one day if I had finished and turned in my essay. She thought I was a shoe in for the scholarship. I told her I didn't want to brag about my accomplishments.

That's when she told me that there's a difference between being ruled by pride and having a big head and simply acknowledging your accomplishments. When you go for a job interview you can't just say, "well I am not very good at my job". You have to say "I know if you give me this job I will be one of your top employees". That's not bragging or being overly proud that's acknowledging what you are capable.

Yes it's true that people who are overly proud are obnoxious but I don't think there is anything wrong with celebrating things you have achieved.

 

[ladee]

Just what I was thinking. There is a difference between being 'full of pride'... i.e. obnoxious , and being happy for an accomplishment. I used the word 'happy' instead of pride. and even if 'happy' is too much, then being 'ok' with an accomplishment. As an artist, I take pride in my work, which only means that I want it to express what I am feeling. But when someone compliments me on my work, I realize that for just a few seconds , I am vulnerable. And that can be unsettling sometimes. But I had to first 'unlearn' all the lies told to me about myself. That left room for new beliefs and letting people care about me. Don't know if that made sense. But getting a compliment from someone else is getting to see you thru others eyes, and heart. That's part of the 'unlearning'.

 

[anonymous]

If someone complimented me in the past I would be filled by such rage at myself that I would end up harming myself. I think the abuse is introjected sometimes. Fighting it is part of healing.

 

[Sideways]

Yep, totally there. Compliments must be levelled out with appropriate self-harm to remind me of my place in the world. Sucks.

 

[Sideways]

Err, just to clarify, I'm actually in hospital at the moment & could be beaten black & blue with compliments & still wouldn't be able to self-harm:)

 

[ladee]

Very happy to hear that !!!!:woot:

 

[Tinyflame]

Yes great & happy for others feeling that way, not so much for myself.

:hug:

 

[anonymous]

Oh good.;) In that case you are strong and brave and deserve only kindness and understanding. And this type of psychological abuse is one of the worst kinds in my opinion as it turns us against ourselves and stops us getting comfort and healing. You didnt deserve that. You deserve self love. I'm not religious but remember that God said love others as you LOVE YOURSELF. You are to love yourself first.

The first step I took was I viewed it as medicine. That it was good for me even if it hurt. It gets easier as you go along.

 

[Sideways]

Set myself up for that one. Ouch! but thanks:)

 

[Sideways]

It does make me wonder though...this forum has to (easily) be full of the most accepting & supportive people I've come across. And that makes it feel safe to come back.

But in all honesty, how many of us are actually able to allow those messages of support & compassion sink in when they're directed our way? I'm guessing I'm not the only one with a pretty state-of-the-art Compassion Deflector Shield going on.