No More
MyPTSD Pro
Right, so hear me out (and sorry for the waffle!!) on the surface the answer is ‘no, whatever works for you’, but is that actually the answer?
On the surface, I’m probably doing better. I’m a stable sort of unstable, I’m drinking a lot less, a flashback doesn’t derail me for weeks at a time. I feel shit, but I’m a functional sort of feeling shit. There are a lot of things that still trigger the crap out of me, I nearly cracked someone round the head off instinct for coming up behind me when I had headphones in. Is this as good as it gets?
My way of doing therapy seems to be unconventional on here. I’m not interested in having any sort of relationship or connection with my therapist. I don’t want her kindness or validation or anything like that. I pick someone based on their education, whether they can handle my shit, whether they seem sufficiently skilled to help me & convenience.
In essence, I pay for her time and her knowledge, and in return I get skills. I want cold hard business exchange, nothing more or less.
If I come with a specific problem, and am given a specific solution, I’ll leave after 20 mins. I like regular breaks, I’d be delighted to go a couple weeks between sessions.
My therapist has said she wants a higher level of connection, and I nearly threw up. Yuck. Eew. No. That disgusts me, get away from me.
But is all this the reason I’m maybe not progressing? Is the work in the relationship, even though my relationships outside of therapy are stable and long lasting? Am I not doing therapy the ‘right’ way to get the benefit? Is my short sessions and wanting breaks often avoiding having to ever properly delve into anything, or just my own way of processing and working?
On the surface, I’m probably doing better. I’m a stable sort of unstable, I’m drinking a lot less, a flashback doesn’t derail me for weeks at a time. I feel shit, but I’m a functional sort of feeling shit. There are a lot of things that still trigger the crap out of me, I nearly cracked someone round the head off instinct for coming up behind me when I had headphones in. Is this as good as it gets?
My way of doing therapy seems to be unconventional on here. I’m not interested in having any sort of relationship or connection with my therapist. I don’t want her kindness or validation or anything like that. I pick someone based on their education, whether they can handle my shit, whether they seem sufficiently skilled to help me & convenience.
In essence, I pay for her time and her knowledge, and in return I get skills. I want cold hard business exchange, nothing more or less.
If I come with a specific problem, and am given a specific solution, I’ll leave after 20 mins. I like regular breaks, I’d be delighted to go a couple weeks between sessions.
My therapist has said she wants a higher level of connection, and I nearly threw up. Yuck. Eew. No. That disgusts me, get away from me.
But is all this the reason I’m maybe not progressing? Is the work in the relationship, even though my relationships outside of therapy are stable and long lasting? Am I not doing therapy the ‘right’ way to get the benefit? Is my short sessions and wanting breaks often avoiding having to ever properly delve into anything, or just my own way of processing and working?