Is There A Way Not To Become Anxious Around Your Stressors? ?

[J_trustno1]

So today I went for my drivers license practical test. I was nervous but that is normal relating any tests I suppose. However, the worst came worst, I had to drive with an Indian instructor. Although I didn't want to be stressed by him but my body came into it's fight and flight mode. I was doing things opposite to what he was telling me to do and I was very very nervous. I usually don't get like this around other people except my own culture or people that resemble similar traits to my abusers.

As a result of making those mistakes due to nervousness, I ended up failing my test and came home crying. Failing is another trigger for me and I was crying for like 30 mins because it relates so much to the humiliation I endured when i was a kid from couple of my abusers.

Can anyone give me tips on how not to become anxious around my stressors? Whenever I am in a situation where I have to be around so many Indians, my entire body responds to this stress.

 

[TonyG]

It's ok to ask for another tester I guess

 

[Deleted member 1860]

Can you ask for another instructor next time and say its because of his gender? I'm not for lying, but those in the real world (ie normal) would see it as racism instead of being a legitimate trigger due to past abuse.

Does any sort of self-talk work for you? That's how I get through a lot of my bad moments. What you say to yourself may be different from what I say to myself, so it may take some practice before you find the right things to tell yourself in your mind.

 

[arfie]

If there is a way to keep from getting anxious around stressors, I haven't found it. I get further accepting the anxiety as a natural reaction and putting the focus on managing my natural reactions.

Deep breathing, mantras and worry beads are my personal faves for getting through stressful situations. Concentrating on my breathing in conjunction with the mantra help distract me from whatever is worrying me. I like four syllable mantras. Two syllables in, two syllables out. In the case of a test, "I can do this" might be my preferred mantra. Maybe. I allow myself creative license. The worry beads give me a focus for the nervous energy. A rosary is what I currently use for worry beads.

Personally, I wouldn't bother asking for another instructor. When I get anxious, I will find a flaw to obsess over with whatever authority figure is thrown at me. Strictly personal.

 

[Starlite]

I to just went my driving test yesterday. I'm 32 years old n i now just did my driving test. I could never drive. It gave me really bad anxiety and i always was afraid to fail. Finally i decided enough is enough. I need to get over my fear. I did it and i passed. I was so nervous. I to get that way around certain people. I imagine they are someone or something else and it helps me relax. And like arfie says i say to myself i can do this i believe in myself and i believe in you.

 

[Recovery4Me]

I had to drive with an Indian instructor.

No matter why or how it is couched, to me this sentence feels dangerous and reminiscent of a closed thread. Please, consider avoiding any appearance of racism in the name of peace. I am sure it was unintentional and just my trigger.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

@Recovery4Me,
It feels like you are trying to silence J, which is a trigger *to me*. This thread is VERY different than that other thread (yes, I have read both). My point being that it is up to you to monitor your triggers and not silence someone else because you can't handle the thread. There is a "back" button for that, and you can choose to not click on this thread again. J has a legitimate trigger and she is attempting to work through it. Please allow her to do so. I am very sensitive to racism and I don't see any issue with what she said. The statement that you quoted was a fact. In order to take her exam, she had to drive with an Indian driver. J wants to change. Please don't thwart her efforts.

 

[Recovery4Me]

@Solara Thank you for sharing...if it is an effort to share that you triggered as well with my post I certainly empathize, however, I will express concerns as to the possible "appearances" of racism. Thank you for sharing your views.

Whenever I am in a situation where I have to be around so many Indians, my entire body responds to this stress.

However, the "appearance" as to the possibility of racism or feeling (as I was sexually assaulted by racists, my mother shot at during my childhood, had to ride in the back of the bus and could not live in certain areas (pre-Martin Luthern King Jr. and law) I will give honorable mention that in the name of "peace" it is good to be gentle. I healed by seeing all people of being capable of doing all things both wondrous and otherwise...not just within a box.

I shall not spat with you Solara...tag away...but I am leaving the thread. Love and peace

 

[scout86]

I think there are ways to learn to be LESS anxious around your stressors. @Solara might have a good idea, with asking for a different tester. You MIGHT even be able to say, "I have PTSD, due to to some things that happened in my past and this particular tester reminds me so much of my abuser that it's going to be VERY distracting. Is there any way I can have a different tester?" Perfectly reasonable request and also true. It DOES involve you disclosing that you have PTSD and you may or may not feel like doing that.

When I have to be in a situation that I know is likely to set me off, it helps if I recognize my reactions as what they are. "What they are" is a reaction to a different situation, not the situation I'm presently in. That helps me recognize that my reactions are probably not entirely appropriate or necessary in the present situation. I try to very much focus on the present situation, and see it for what it IS, as accurately as possible.

If you can, it might help to talk to the tester (or who ever the person is) and try to learn something about them. (Stay with me here!) It MIGHT help if you can learn who they really are and what they are really like, as an individual. You will probably find that they are quite different from your abusers, which, in the end, might help you get past the stereotype that lives in your brain. I don't know a lot about the Indian culture. I know it tends to be somewhat male dominated. And yet, India has had female leaders. You will probably find, if you can give it a chance, that there are many people who are much different from your abusers. You will probably also find similarities. NOW (as opposed to then) you are an adult, who is capable of making your own choices. You are not at the mercy of the adults in your life. You are a competent capable adult yourself.

Which reminds me of something! I hate doctors and doctor's offices. If I HAVE to go to the Dr (and when I'm having trouble seeing my T, for that matter) I remind myself that I'm an adult. No one can make me do anything I don't want to do. I have control of the situation. If it comes down to it, I can tell the Dr to "F off" and leave. I've never done that, but telling myself that I can usually helps me get through the door and through the experience. Maybe that would work for you?

You may have failed the exam this first time, but the experience isn't a total loss. It's taught you something about a problem in your life and it's pushing you to learn to deal with the problem. That's a "good" thing! Don't look at this as a failure. Look at it as an experiment that didn't turn out like you wanted it to. Now you are adjusting, and learning, and designing a better experiment. You're smart and capable and persistent, I'd be willing to bet you get through this and pass the test.