Sexual Assault Is There Any Connection Between Rape Induced Ptsd And Infidelity?

[Traisynydistawrwydd]

When someone says "I cheated" everyone jumps to a conclusion they are a bad person. All I ask is you keep reading.

I was raped by my first boyfriend when i was 13 (who was also physically and mentally abusing me), and then again by my best friend at 15. My first long term boyfriend, I cheated on him with my then best friend, he was the person I talked to when I was struggling and saw me through some very dark times and suicide attempts. It was kissing, never sex but it was still cheating.

I am now in love with an amazing man, he is perfect. It is long distance but I can't blame that on the reason that I have been unfaithful, again with the friend that supports me because he understands in ways my boyfriend never could. This time sex has been involved.

I hate myself and feel so guilty, but it doesn't stop me,
Do I not love him enough? No i adore him he is what I need
Maybe I'm just a bad person, but on the other hand my perception of sex and sexual relations is completely messed up. I didn't realize that sex didn't mean love until recently.

I'm not going to blame my unfaithfulness on my PTSD, but I'm not a person who wants to hurt people especially the ones I love because they are the only ones keeping me alive. It would just be nice to know if this is all me or just partially me, partially my disorder.

 

[Mallaky]

I cannot answer your question, but I can tell you that there is a correlation between PTSD and stupid / destructive behavior.

In our search for something that makes us feel better all reason and rationality can be forgotten. PTSD and impulse controll issues go hand in hand.

 

[Zanshin]

I can't speak for a direct link specifically to infidelity, but I've made some incredibly poor choices to try to break out of PTSD-induced dissociation. (None of them worked.)

 

[Casey_03]

I don't think cheating necessarily makes anyone a bad person. There's usually a reason for it. In your case, my first thought is - do you really love your boyfriend, or do you want to love him because he loves you? In my own experience (and I have PTSD as well), I have had relationships that I've been committed to for all the wrong reasons -- I thought the guy was "safe," or he had proven his love for me and I needed the stability of that, of having someone to anchor me. But in the end I realized I didn't actually love him. I have to wonder if you are in the same situation. If you keep going back to this male friend, maybe he's the one you really want to be with but you're afraid to get hurt? Hard to tell from the details you've given, but just a thought.

 

[anthony]

It would just be nice to know if this is all me or just partially me, partially my disorder.

Is it a direct result of PTSD? No. Is your trauma involved in your decisions? Most likely, based on things you're saying about that you only recently understood that sex doesn't mean love. Love is a complicated emotion, yet we use it as just a word to describe infatuation, attraction, the honeymoon period of a relationship.

Fault is here nor there. Yes, you can blame yourself if you want to, they're your choices after all and you get to decide what you feel as a result of your choices. That is healthy if you feel guilt, shame, so forth. It would be scarier if you didn't feel things.

A long distance relationship... it isn't really a bench mark that you should be establishing for yourself right now IMHO. You seem pretty confused about what love is already... and a long distance relationship is pretty hard work even when you have two totally stable, emotional apt, people involved. They still go to shit under the best of circumstances... let alone when you're confused to crap as it is based on your trauma history.

Honestly... I would stop the long distance thing, just personally, and f*ck whoever you want to at present, and just leave sex to being sex so that you can work out and understand true emotions. Honestly, I think you will just hinder yourself by complicating your life further until you have a grasp on what you feel, and can clearly identify what you feel as being true, what you want, what you desire and what you are honestly prepared to commit towards.

There is nothing wrong with having f*ck buddies... as long as you're not stringing someone along and lying to them on a premise of monogamy or such.

Find yourself before trying to commit to a relationship, is what I'm saying.

 

[EveHarrington]

Sexual trauma can definitely muck things up. My sex life is-----not functionally good ATM. I don't cheat because it's just not in me to do so. If you want to have sex with different guys, then don't commit. I think a commitment should be made only if you want to be with just one person. Otherwise what is the point? I mean are you committing to these guys because it's the next logical step on the typical relationship ladder that society throws in our face and crams down our throat? Well-----throw that idea away. Want to be with different guys? Have an open relationship or don't be in a relationship. I don't necessarily see cheating as the big issue here. I see the issue as you thinking you need to commit to people when it's really not what you want at this time. But that's just my take on it all. Not everyone is meant to be monogamous. Monogamy isn't the epitome of functional and fabulous relationships; something we must all strive for. But yeah----I guess the effects of my CSA are shining through now, huh? ;)

 

[UniqueSunflower]

When someone says "I cheated" everyone jumps to a conclusion they are a bad person. All I ask is you keep...

I have been on the receiving end of a relationship in which my partner cheated on me with another woman and we were also having a long distance relationship. I suspected my boyfriend had symptoms of untreated PTSD in that I would notice he'd occasionally appear detached, he would sleep a lot, and at one point became suicidal when having a multitude of stressors. He displayed other reckless behaviors and poor impulse control. My intuition kept firing to let me know he was becoming more involved with this other woman who he'd known through a volunteer club. He talked about her in the casual sense though they began socializing more and more outside of their prior "professional" relationship. It's very hurtful and after gaining some distance, I've been grateful that I realized what was happening so I didn't get more involved. I look at my own father's relationship with my mother. My parents experienced many traumatic events within their marriage and both were unfaithful toward each other. I have grown up thinking my father was a "jerk" though the more I've learned about trauma through my own recovery and in working with others, I realize he's a human being who has been traumatized and never received treatment. Throughout my recovery and several relationships, I've been sexually impulsive at times feeling "unfaithful" either emotionally or physically though as I've healed, I've gotten to a place where I'm wanting commitment. Unfortunately the person I was dating wasn't at the committed stage himself. There's a relationship program I encountered that is offered through a former crisis counselor who has worked with survivors of sexual trauma. She introduced the concept of "circular dating" which allows you to practice boundaries, strengthen communication skills, identify and work through triggers, while meeting different people in safe ways to determine what your relationship preferences and needs are. One of the key concepts she addresses is open and honest communication and not making a commitment until both partners feel ready. I'm still practicing relationships skills though I have confidence that one day, I will meet someone and be able to sustain a healthier relationship than those I've had in my past. I look at all of them with mistakes, blunders, and all as stepping stones to create the "me" I am and who I am going to become.