Is There Anything That Can Help My Girlfriend?

[bonniejones19]

My girlfriend hasn't had the easiest life. From when she was 3 until she was 8 she was physically and emotionally abused by her alcoholic mother. Her dad walked out before the abuse began. Then when she got placed in foster care she was neglected. Fast forward to last year she was living with her cousin for a while. During that time she was drugged and raped by her cousin's boyfriend. She has PTSD symptoms from all of these incidents. One of them is nightmares. Last night around 5 AM she woke me up with tossing and screaming. I remember a "let me go!" "Stop hitting me!" It took a while for her to calm down. But is there anything I can do for her? I hate seeing this more than anything. I've had my own rounds of PTSD and I know how crippling it can be. She refuses to continue seeing a counselor or be on any meds. So is there anything I can personally do? (Even if it means intervention.) I don't want her to suffer like this.

 

[EveHarrington]

Hi,

Unfortunately PTSD doesn't take well to intervention as you cannot force another person to heal. The only time I recommend intervention for someone with PTSD is if they are a danger to themselves or others (and hospitalization is warranted) or there are significant drug/alcohol issues.------but now I realize that maybe I'm interpreting "intervention" wrong as I mean it in terms of the tv show.

Have you asked her what she would like you to do when she has nightmares? (We are all different------what works for one may make another worse.)

All you can do is set boundaries as to what behavior is acceptable to you and what is not. Of course nightmares sort of fall outside of this concept as they're not voluntary. I am mentioning the boundary thing in reference to her other behaviors.

I hope you can encourage her to return to therapy. PTSD tends to not simply resolve on its own.

Welcome! :)

 

[illusionist]

When I have had nightmares, it's always helped to hear my partners voice...helps bring me back to reality. I personally can't have physical contact to bring me out, but some people find it helpful.

I think it would be best that you ask her what she needs, as what can help one person, can make things worse for another.

 

[blackemerald1]

Hello @bonniejones19 welcome to the forum. I am a sufferer of PTSD.
You are a very kind person to seek help for your girlfriend. Particularly, as you have your own PTSD to cope with as well.
So, you have discussed therapy & medication with her & for now at least, she doesn't want to do this?
You don't say why she doesn't. But, I guess by now, from your own experience you may know that treatments for PTSD is not a 'one size fit's all' type of situation.
I suppose in the absence of more details as to how she is managing overall in terms of her 'self management' or, if she has been through failed rounds of treatment... it still places you in a distressing situation.

I have nightmares, sleep walk & sleep talk... all PTSD stuff.

I have been through the ringer with medications, therapy etc. I go through good, bad & bloody terrible cycles.

What I am trying to write is though it is distressing to be woken to find her struggling with her demon's, you cannot stop them from coming.

You can talk with her about how she is managing. Ask her if you can help, what she thinks might help but perhaps do this at a time when she is calm and awake. (Not when she is having the nightmare. Unless she is lashing out hurting you or herself during the nightmare).

As for 'intervention'. I don't know what you mean.

If she cannot come to a place where she is willing to get help which she has not tried before all you can do is encourage her. But, I don't know anything about your relationship, age's, individual life experiences and the list goes on. But, you do.

Remember, quite often therapy and or, medication also come with their own 'taxes'. Some times things get worse before they get better, or other issues arise. It's a pretty dam hard position to be in for both of you.

There are many Carer's on this forum and a lot of information here.

Take care.