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General Is this PTSD? Sexual Infidelities, Raped and Sexually Molested

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Im,

That's fine. I certainly agree that there probably is more at work here. All I was trying to say is that we need to keep our boundaries clear when dealing with PTSD. Its easy to be clouded in their issues, needs and wants and forget our own........to our own detriment. Sometimes I wonder if I have lost 'me' and even my family/friends tell me that I have changed. I agree but I don't think all of that can be attributed to living with a partner and PTSD. At least in my case some of it has been a deliberate attempt to grow personally.
 
@iamrefreshed,

I read your story and find that I am much in the same boat. The story is long and convoluted and everything I have learned was by own means, none of it confessional and all of it after many lies and torrents of anger. He too was sexually molested as a child, suffered emotional and physical abuse and likely suffers from the after shock of a 10 year relationship with a Borderline ex. I guess what I want you to know is the reason I am on this site is that my own wounds from the past and childhood, coupled with the wounds of his infidelities have caused me to become suicidally depressed, anxious, reclusive and riddled with shame. I believe all of it has compounded to a PTSD state for me. I am concerned about that for you.

Your concern and support for her are clear but I hope you know that exposing yourself to someone else's unresolved trauma - PTSD or otherwise, sets you up for some serious emotional damage. Perhaps your self-esteem are so well intact that it isn't insidiously being eaten away at by the lies and betrayals but my gut tells me that is likely not the case. I thought the recent betrayals I had experienced were pretty bad, but honestly your story is beyond comprehension. There is no diagnosis which justifies another person treating someone with such poor regard and betrayal. My situation is a wait and see. I'm in counseling, he is in SLAA, we slowly come back together as amends is maintained, stepping back at times when his attitude doesn't support me, 9 toes out, one toe in, per se. I just wonder what your method is. You live together and have her as a constant reminder of the betrayals and distrust. I don't want to offer advice but I do hope you can find a way where your boundaries allow you to have space and room to breath so you can collect your thoughts and be sure your actions are based on what serves you the most, not her.
 
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I don't want to give a free pass to my husband for what he has done to our relationship.....
He also cheated on me with a co worker and continued after i found out . the story is long and filled with lies
The abuse does not make my pain go away. Now I want to have other relationship to teach him a lesson
 
I am so sorry for what you are going through. Actually I find myself in the same situation, finding out after more than 15 years of marriage that my wife had similar past traumas prior to me meeting her. Her symptoms of acting out started out as having emotional affairs outside the home and have now turned into full sexual affairs. My head is spinning from all the lies and but she just wants to run. I finally was able to get her to a life coach, because she refused to see a therapist (tried and hated it). And now she is at least making some progress in finally dealing with her issues. But she is still running around with the guy she had been sleeping with and other guys she acted completely inappropriate with and who knows what else? I am exhausted, but I thank others for sharing their experience. At least I know that there are others who can completely understand what I am going through. I am trying my best to be here for my wife, but it is getting harder and harder to withstand the deceit lies and cheating.

Thank you for listening and sharing.
 
Been though all of this myself, my partner cheated a number of times for no reason, turned out she was abused and raped. I decided to stick by her, I find each day so hard to live in and have slowly become ill myself which is very frustrating because she is getting better by the day now. Hope anyone going though this doesn't feel alone because we are not and are loving caring people who just love and care for our partners x
 
I understand your thought process completely and I understand some of the responses as well. My situation is different yet very similar. I'm in love with a man abused by his gay uncle's lover at age ten. He has cheated on me often yet I keep hanging on bc I see positive changes. I never considered he had PTSD bc in my educated yet narrow mind, I've always associated that with war. His family did not stand by him when they found out eight years later. They welcomed the gay uncle's lover to family events and did not support my boyfriend. His mother, especially, enables him now to make up for it. They feel guilty.

I have not made any vows to him yet I stick by him while losing my own dignity. I see positive changes in him. He is not sexually open with me yet I have caught him doing the same exact things your wife does. I very much understand and appreciate your loyalty to her.

My therapist explained his actions to me. They are a result of his molestation but need to be dealt with. There is only so much we are expected to endure. I'm not sure I know where to draw the line but we aren't married and the line should be clearer to me. I'm hoping that sticking by him will eventually reap benefits for BOTH of us. He needs something constant in his life.... but so do I.

I'm very sorry for what you are experiencing and, if you get nothing else from my response, know that I understand and respect your devotion. The grass might be greener on the other side, but maybe it's not.
 
11 year old thread....Id say most of these people are long gone so replying to a previous post/reply won't get you a response from that person. (I thought old threads were locked?)
 
. It's not involuntary, it's a decision.

Agreed!

I am a PTSD sufferer and I have not and would not ever cheat!

I think that is engrained in me as tight as it is because that is how my mom met my step dad, as her lover when she was still married to my dad.

I also have a very hyper sex drive. One thing that so many women say about men about why men cheat. "Keep your man happy in the bed or he will wander". Not true in the least. If I am not satisfied sexually, I have a hand. There is no excuse at all, in my opinion, to cheat. None. Not a high sex drive, not "not being sexually sayisifed at home". Not PTSD.
 
Children of sexual abuse....thier mind don't develope the same way children of normal safe homes do. My wive is a survivor of childhood rape and forced sex trade as a child. She had sexual issues when we got married and cheated when she hit perimenopause at 44. I never knew a thing about her past. I wish I did. She just seemed a little different. Always worried about not being a good enough wife. Major self esteem issues. Then she met an online narcissist how love bombed her. And so it happened. It lasted two years and they had sex three times. The third time was boarder line rape. The scum would text and demand pictures. She was scared of him the last year but could never say no. Even if she hated taking the pictures she would. The sex they had was subpar and painful. But she kept going back. Like I said, thier brains did not develope like a normal person. I will really never know "why" too many things that happened. She did try and overdoes several times after she got caught. After she saw the damage she caused. Just suck it up and love her the best you can.
 
I agree that childhood sexual abuse can cause a person to do all sorts of sexual exploits. My best childhood friend was sexually abused by her 4 brothers and father and she was extremely promiscuous and involved herself in sexually risky behavior. She was seriously messed up from her awful experiences. So I would say it can definitely be a factor in sexual behavior. I mean is it a part if PTSD or part or the sexual nature of the trauma? I can only imagine how fuzzy my brain would be in sexual matters if people I am supposed to trust and who are supposed to care for me are doing these things to me.
 
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