Is What I Went Through Really Traumatic, Or Is It Just Me Being Overly-sensitive?

[Mayday]

I was subject to strip-searches and interrogations every night, when I got home

In my opinion, the strip searches crossed the line into dodgy/inappropriate parenting. Whether it was abusive is something I can't answer. I can see how it would be traumatic though.

I also have ADHD, Generalized Anxiety Disorder, and Aspergers Syndrome, all of which are officially diagnosed, and significantly affect my day-today life.

If what you're already diagnosed with causes significant issues in your day to day functioning, I'm confused as to why a PTSD diagnosis is also required?
Do you or your parents think there is justification for people with PTSD to use drugs, but not for those other conditions you have? (sorry, I am just trying to understand where you are coming from)

Having a PTSD diagnosis is not going to change that. However, it would stop my parents from cutting me off, or significantly reduce the chances

I'm not sure about your logic here. A PTSD diagnosis could have the opposite effect that you are intending. If your parents are defensive and unwilling to accept any wrongdoing on their part, then the PTSD diagnosis could anger them into withdrawing support completely, or have they indicated that they would support you, regardless of the continued drug use, if you had a PTSD diagnosis?

 

[I Can Do This]

I know I have PTSD. I know enough about medicine, and I read enough medical literature, so I can prove and defend my case, on the day, where I have to fight to keep my roof over my head, because my parents found out I do drugs, and now they want to cut me off.

You are not "fighting to keep a roof over your head" - that would look competely different. That would mean you are on your own, without financial support, and you would be earning money from your own talents and skills and living within those means.

You see yourself as a victim - and you are manipulating your parents to achieve your goals. They may have been harsh or unkind, and made mistakes - however, if they are continuing to support you financially, they have every right to do that under conditions. That does not make them terrible or bad or unkind. If you cannot meet those conditions then you will be manipulative to get them to continue their funding (if you are a victim) - and their resentment of your deceptions will build. If you are mature - you will reject their offer and reconstruct your living arrangements around what you can provide for yourself.

Who here actually wanted a PTSD diagnosis? Not me that's for damn sure. If John gets it, he validates his actions and absolves himself from personal responsibility.

PTSD does not justify anything that you believe it does. Not taking drugs, not blaming others, and it truly never takes away our choices in life. You cannot use PTSD as an excuse or reason for seeing yourself as a victim and then demanding that others make allowances for you because of it. When we see ourselves as victims - we make matters worse. Furthermore, PTSD is not a mental illness - it is an emotional injury. That means you have some control over it, even if it is your diagnosis.

I think you have gotten some really deep and on target advice here. I hope you can read it all and take it in without feeling you are being harshly criticized.

 

[InHell11]

I can't say whether you have PTSD or not, sounds like you certainly have faced trauma and drug abuse isn't exactly unheard of as a symptom, so its possible. I actually use cannabis to avoid worse things and I don't agree with the mainstream view on drugs. I've never gotten addicted to hard drugs I have taken some but I rarely do. I have had issues with alcohol though, I actually still drink but not like I used to I'm not getting drunk every night and puking/passing out in the bathroom at least once a week anymore.

But I feel sh***y cannabis helps me feel better without a bunch of weird and/or debilitating side effects, I would like to be approved for medical marijuana but I haven't found any mental health professionals willing to consider that or look into the information or anything. I had one psychiatrist tell me I shouldn't smoke cannabis because it will mask my symptoms after trying to convince me to try another anti-depressant. I said the anti-depressant would also be masking the symptoms if it worked but yeah I declined taking it because I am not ready to risk more anti-depressant psychosis or whatever it is those things do to me.

But yeah, if I didn't smoke cannabis not so sure I could keep limiting my drinking or avoiding getting in the habit of using harder drugs to find relief. I think maybe finding a way to not have to depend on your parents would be helpful, it seems they are the type of people who cannot respect anyones boundaries and will try to control all things if you even give them an inch. I mean it sounds like your parents treatment of you caused more problems than the smoking cannabis while maintaining good grades and decent behavior(I don't consider using cannabis bad behavior).

I wish I had some better advice besides the obvious bit about getting away from your parents, which is usually a lot easier said than done but I am pretty stuck in my own life trying to figure out how to continue it and all that. It would be a good thing for me to move out of my moms house as though she's not as extreme as your parents she has a tendency to try and guilt trip and emotionally manipulate which makes it hard having to depend on her for a place to live and all that right now...but the only other option is homelessness or the psych ward or one and then the other.

 

[InHell11]

PTSD does not justify anything that you believe it does. Not taking drugs, not blaming others, and it truly never takes away our choices in life. You cannot use PTSD as an excuse or reason for seeing yourself as a victim and then demanding that others make allowances for you because of it. When we see ourselves as victims - we make matters worse. Furthermore, PTSD is not a mental illness - it is an emotional injury. That means you have some control over it, even if it is your diagnosis.

Actually, people with PTSD are more often than not victims of trauma, so you're right PTSD is not an excuse to see oneself as a victim but it is a reason. Also, while PTSD does not give one the right to expect everyone to just be ok with anything they do even if its harming others, it does cause terrible symptoms which can make it pretty damn hard to maintain complete control over your composure.

PTSD certainly is an emotional injury but it is also a mental disorder. It is listed in the DSM as a mental disorder, it is acknowledged as a serious mental disorder and it does effect choices one might make I doubt I would have been drinking the way I used to in order to kill the pain if I didn't have PTSD.

 

[The Albatross]

"Substance Abuse is Contraindicated

Self-medication with substances is contra-indicated for survivors of
trauma. Use of alcohol, tobacco, street drugs or a mis-use of
prescription drugs is a negative coping mechanism. (SIDRAN
Institute, Presentation at Syracuse Regional Conference, June 6, 2003).
While it seems to provide some immediate relief from either anxiety or
pain, in reality it complicates and confounds the healing and recovery
process:

- it only provides temporary relief, if any at all;

- it often blocks necessary psychological processing and can prevent
or delay the natural completion of the grieving process;

- it often results in lower functioning capacity resulting in poor
choices and poor decisions and even behavioral dysfunction;

- rather than calming nerves, alcohol and other drugs can actually
increase both anxiety and fears, they intensify and exaggerate
emotions so they come out drug-affected... and long term use can
even cause emotional stagnation;

- they can disrupt sleep, especially stage four or deep sleep, and they
can increase nightmares and make them more vivid and believable;
Even the most minor use of these substances, unless by physician’s
prescription and under a strict medical protocol, can actually make the
symptoms of trauma - especially the more severe symptoms associated
with PTSD -- much more serious."

(Source Link: Link Removed )

Actually, people with PTSD are more often than not victims of trauma, so you're right PTSD is not an excuse to see oneself as a victim but it is a reason.

Stress is has been found to be the significant factor between substance abuse. There's a whole lot of other worthwhile stuff in that link.

"Stress is considered a major contributor to substance abuse initiation,
continuation, and relapse (Brady & Sonne, 1999). Studies have
consistently shown that there is a greater likelihood of alcohol and
drug abuse when stress is high (Dawes et al, 2000; Sinha, Fuse, Aubin
& O’Malley, 2000; Khantzian, 1985; Kosten, Rousaville, & Kleber,
1986).

Because trauma causes increased stress, it is reasonable to assume that
trauma is also related to substance abuse initiation, continuation and
relapse. Treatment and prevention professionals must also be aware
that PTSD frequently co-occurs with anxiety disorders, depression, and
alcohol or other substance abuse.

Research in the area of stress and substance abuse demonstrates:

‘ That stress increases risk for substance abuse and relapse.

‘ Addicts identify stress and distress as reasons for abusing
substances and for relapse

‘ There are similar body neurological reactions to drugs and
stress

‘ PTSD may develop following exposure to a severe traumatic
event. (NIDA)" (Same source)

 

[Hashi]

I had one psychiatrist tell me I shouldn't smoke cannabis because it will mask my symptoms after trying to convince me to try another anti-depressant. I said the anti-depressant would also be masking the symptoms if it worked

I agree with you that an anti-depressant would be masking the symptoms if it worked. That doesn't alter the fact that smoking cannabis is masking the symptoms. I think the point is that anything you need in order to survive symptoms is best used as a temporary crutch and to be used just enough to get you through while developing other coping methods and working on overall healing. That's different from viewing it as a permanent solution, and/or seeing it as something there are no issues around using.

To me, the concept of being a victim isn't about having reasons or causes for things. It's about how much power we feel we have over things. Whatever has happened to me in the past, however difficult my life situation and symptoms are now, I think I still have the power to do the work I need to do on recovery. I may need temporary help (for example, I occasionally take anti-anxiety medication) but that is in order to do the work and not instead of doing the work. The amount of work I'm able to do might still be tiny, but I need to do as much as I possibly can. It will add up over time. I don't mean only work on the trauma, but also on developing ways of coping that don't involve taking substances.

It would be different if I only said, there's nothing I can do so I'll take anti-anxiety medication. Or, I'll address my issues at some point in the future because at the moment the anti-anxiety medication makes things bearable enough to get by. Or, things will be better when my job situation/family situation/living situation/financial situaton changes, so I'm just waiting until then. Or, this is the solution for me, it works and I don't need any other. For me, those are coming more from a victim (less powerful) view, which often goes together with not taking responsibility for our actions and their implications (including addiction, if that applies).

InHell11, I'm saying this as a general point. I'm not commenting on your situation, approaches or motivations, I don't know what they are. This is only my general view of the victim concept and use of medication/self-medication.

 

[nursenurse]

Not too sure bout the anti depressant simply masking symptoms. I think depression and antidepressants are a lot more complex than that. Used to be that depression was thought just to be caused by a chemical imbalance. Now we know there are many factors, including multiple chemical imbalances, genetics, etc. "Therapy and medication can help shift thoughts and attitudes that have developed over time." Harvard health Publications, Understanding Depression.

The Albatross presents very compelling evidence contra indicating self medication with "normal" drugs and street drugs. Masking denotes a temporary solution, generally a quick fix, which is described elsewhere in this thread and others. Marijauna, alcohol, et al supply this relief. Antidepressants combined with the right therapy can offer permanent relief. The majority of people who take them, are able to stop, with their doctor's help. It may be different for PTSD sufferers, but the principles are the same.

 

[Pietro]

I actually just asked my therapist, last Thursday, whether anti-depressants interfere with the recovery process. She is not an MD, but is a PhD and has a lot of experience. She doesn't believe that they do, as long as it's not a very high dosage, and depending upon the drug. Personally, I take Lexapro, which I've found to be quite effective with very few sidesu effects. I've taken other anti-depressants that I've not been as happy with.

As nursenurse said, the mechanism by which anti-depressants work is complex. It's not a "drug", like an opioid such as Vicodin, or even Cannabis, which "dulls" or "suppresses" brain activity in some way, so as to provide relief. Instead, anti-depressants simply attempt to make-up for a perceived deficiency in the operation of the brain. The belief is that the brain is either not producing enough of the neurotransmitter Serotonin, or that it is using it up too rapidly. So, anti-depressants work to ensure that the supply of Serotonin is available for a longer period of time where it's needed. (This is the very simple explanation; the process is quite a bit more detailed, for those who are reading this and going, "You left-out a lot of stuff!" ;) )

So, in short, taking an anti-depressant is more like drinking milk for the Vitamin D -- it helps the body do something it can do on its own, but may be having trouble with. Unlike milk, an anti-depressant drug is not a natural substance for this purpose -- it's man-made, and, therefore, can have side-effects in some people, some worse than others. But even milk isn't tolerated well by some people. ;)

The bigger question then is, why does the brain end-up with this deficiency of Serotonin supply? Is it something you're born with (genetic)? Or something caused by your early experiences, such as trauma (environmental)? I don't think anyone knows for sure, yet. It's likely a combination of both. However, genetic factors often do not cause a given situation -- they simply determine the propensity for how likely something is to occur. So, for someone who is considered highly-sensitive like me, the likelihood for depression due to environmental trauma is probably much higher. My personal belief, for what it's worth, is that most people suffering from depression and anxiety were not born "chemically imbalanced", but suffered some form of trauma.

It's unfortunate that doctors simply throw such medications around these days, thinking that it will make a nice "band-aid" and solve someone's problems, if only temporarily, without strongly suggesting that a person seek therapy at the same time. If you need these drugs, you probably aren't having a mild life-crisis or normal life loss (which shouldn't be interfered with anyway, as these are natural processes of grieving).

Cannabis is like alcohol -- fewer physical side-effects, overall, but it's a dulling agent. It has the effect on the brain that Albatross posted above. Like any dulling agent, it prevents the mind from working, and, thus, prevents processing, including processing of trauma. This may be what someone needs, at the moment, in order to get through a period of life, for some reason. However, it won't help lead towards permanent recovery or relief from the effects of the trauma. Such drugs will always be required, and have the big side-effect of dulling life itself.

So, this is really not a "moral" question. In the end, it becomes a question of how one wants to live their life.

 

[nursenurse]

The current medical community thoughts are exactly what you said, Pietro, that depression is a combination of processes and not just a single entity. some folks do respond to taking the medication short term, but it is by far more effective to combine with therapy, stress reduction etc.

I would never want to live with my senses dulled, there's probably time enough for that when I am in the nursing home, but then i don't have PTSD either. I have, though, as everyone in life has, suffered my own problems which did include emotional and physical abuse, so I can empathize a bit regardless to the wanting to dull the pain and just get on without validating why you would feel the you do. But then it boils down to choice and how you want to live. I think dulling the senses long term force you to exist. It does not help you to live. Just my opinion :)

 

[Hashi]

Not too sure bout the anti depressant simply masking symptoms.

So, in short, taking an anti-depressant is more like drinking milk for the Vitamin D -- it helps the body do something it can do on its own, but may be having trouble with.

... for as long as you take it. So it's not a cure, but a crutch while you use other approaches to heal, like talk therapy. I realise that saying "mask symptoms" sounds like suppressing them. My meaning - apologies for not being clear -is that if they work they will tackle symptoms in some way. However, on it's own this is not a permanent change and doesn't constitute recovery from the fundamental condition.

Whether, when and how antidepressants work is really a different discussion. I only meant to refer to them here in the context of being a crutch. If a substance is helping you get through in some way, that's not the same as healing. You need to be doing other things while you have that support, or you'll always need that support. That's all I was meaning. Sorry for not being clearer.

 

[nursenurse]

They are not a crutch. they have a specific value and purpose that work beautifully in some or most cases when combined with some sort of therapy. And in some cases, though not likely with PTSD, they can work on their own.

 

[Pietro]

I may need temporary help (for example, I occasionally take anti-anxiety medication) but that is in order to do the work and not instead of doing the work.

I think we agree. Anti-depressants are a bandaid -- they don't fix or cure any problems permanently, they provide a superficial relief from some symptoms. But, as I discovered the hard way, they have no effect on underlying trauma, and, when that trauma decides to erupt, these drugs can't do a thing to stop it.

And we also agree that, if you just take the drugs and do nothing else, no healing is taking place. I have the hope, finally, that I'll someday be able to stop taking the Lexapro I take. I don't want to take it permanently. I think that my therapy has finally made this a possibility. :)