Is Your Abuser Still In Your Life?

[PTSDfree]

Nope. She's dead. Her enablers and my other abusers live over five hundred miles away. They still post snarky crap on my youtube page from time to time, but that's it. I keep track of all of that stuff in case if I need to get a restraining order.

My best advice is to stay away from social media (and block them on your phone) so that they won't know where you've been or what you've been up to.

 

[Artytree]

I get it. I know how hard it is. I hope my post didn't come off as insensitive. You seem like a very stro...

It didn't come off as insensitive at all. People always tell me I'm a strong person, but I really don't feel I am, I struggle to manage my emotions, they change so easy, I cry a lot as well! Lol it's ridiculous how much I cry. I would say I am a very determined person and my driving force are my children.
Thank you, I will keep giving myself my pep talks. ;):)

 

[Nilrath]

My mother is emotionally abusive and has the emotional capacity of an untuned tv set. I still live with her.

 

[Artytree]

My mother is emotionally abusive and has the emotional capacity of an untuned tv set. I still live wit...

I can relate to that. My mother was emotionally and mentally abusive to me growing up, I have had to live with her as an adult with my own children due to unforeseen circumstances. We don't speak or see each other at all now, best thing I ever did was to stop trying with her. I now just have my dad to deal with. :unsure:

 

[LisaBlanca]

Simple answer - yes.

I am married to my husband. On one hand, I can't really call him my abuser as he became mentally ill and I stopped his bloody, near-fatal suicide. BUT. He is my abuser b/c he divulged seeing prostitutes (3 secret cell phones and more) shortly before his attempt. I got PTSD from the bloody attempt. The prostitute issue is eating me up, and it's emotional abuse. I believe in marriage vows (though he didn't). So, I stayed (in sickness and in health...)

Problem is - he is contributing to my illness. Yes, and I am in therapy (EMDR) and my therapist says there's a protocol for infidelity which she can help me with (it's traumatic, too). I see her Monday.

This morning, I flashed back to his suicide scene as he left the house w/o telling me (he thought I was asleep) and that's how he went to go and attempt suicide. I saw his blue car pulling away and I flashed back to the last time I saw his blue car pulling away (right before his attempt and he looked like a zombie - no one was "in there" - empty eyes - very scary). Now I feel the fear in my body like I felt that day.

I have more, but I'll leave it with that.

I agree with the others that there is no stupid fear or thought - yet I feel stupid for subjecting myself to this (beating myself up). It's so hard. I guess I just wanted to say that. This is so hard and for those "in the thick of it" right now, I get it.

 

[Mafia_Science]

My mother physically abused me, and I still live with her because I am a minor, although she leaves us a lot, but always comes back after a while.

You are not crazy or stupid, and you are not alone.

 

[Changing4Best]

For several years my abuser was in my life, because I saw no way out. I was financially dependent on him and I was also terrified of him, as he had tried to choke me to death the one time after I took a SHORT unannounced vacation from him.

Anyway, as time went on, and after about 16 tries, I finally escaped from him. I was able to hide from him for a year and a half, but then one day he ran up to me on the sidewalk while I was waiting for a bus and wrapped his arms around me and said, "Baby! Baby!" and I ducked out from his "hug" and said that I could no longer live with him and that I was no longer his "baby." Soon after that, the bus came and thankfully he did not get on it with me.

However, I did not feel safe and from that time on, I planned a more permanent escape. I finally was able to move 625 miles away from there, to another area of the country. I have made a new life for myself here. Life is good.

My childhood abuser, thankfully, is dead, of course. However, there were many years when I was alive and he was too. I remember when he finally was dying and was in the hospital. I called every week and asked if he had died yet. I even told the nurses that took my calls what he had done to me and our family. (He was a wife beater, a child beater and molester). They did not react to my information, just telling me basically about his medical state and that was all. This was before the HIPPA laws, or I bet that they could not have even done that.

 

[EveHarrington]

No contact, but given how Facebook suggests "friends"-------I wouldn't be surprised to see them pop up on Facebook at some point.

But word to the wise-------if you ever Google your abuser, completely log out of Facebook, even deactivate. Clear all cookies and browse in private mode. Clear your history, etc before logging back into Facebook. It's CRAZY how Facebook "spies" in order to suggest friends. Once I had to look up my Psychiatrists phone number and after that he was suggested as a "friend". (I hadn't searched for him on Facebook or clicked on any Facebook links.)------If this can happen with a doc, you know it could happen with anyone you search for.

Also, make sure you block abusers if you know they are on social media. Regularly check your privacy settings as Facebook will periodically reset them. I'm currently deactivated on Facebook but the last time I logged in, my account was completely open for everyone to see everything even though I always set things to be the most restrictive (nobody can post on my timeline, nobody can see my friends list, only friends can see my account, etc). I don't trust Facebook to keep anything private so that's why I'm not on there anymore. It's not worth having an abusive person seeing everything about me or me seeing them.

 

[void]

@Lotis

After an excruciating slow process, I reached my current paradigm.....namely.....I DECIDE WHO IS IN MY LIFE.

Only me.

No one else gets a vote.

 

[CarerMum]

First let me just say im mortified for posting this and feel completely stupid!

I'm wondering how many s...

You are not at all stupid...nor crazy... Mabyprobably do. My son so has his father whom he dearly loved mind you.. That makes it worse.. As his mum i can only guide him at 26 and be there when it happens again, and it will I'm sure....im also commencing legal proceedings against his father as his employee where severe negligence and assaults have taken place over years that have lead to this PTSD my son has complex PTSD and vomits nearly every day, has for two years, is so hard as his Mother he has a young family can't work where once he was dedicated and gave his all.. Sad..and more sad that I have to watch his pain over a man that he loves dearly who never knew how to live him back and abused his kind heart until he started killing him.. I will never forgive or forget what his father has done to him.. To us all

 

[Draiocht]

In a manner of speaking he is. My oldest brother. My parents understandably (but frustratingly) can't hold him to account for what he did to me, to all of us. I don't know if it's because of being in therapy directly for CPTSD but last year when it came to his birthday I felt able to say to myself I was done pretending everything was okay and I didn't get him a present or a card and I didn't call him or anything.

@EveHarrington Excellent advice. It only occurred to me to block people on facebook when I had a horrified jolt at seeing another abuser's profile suggested to me. Although I can't block my brother I at least unfollowed him.

 

[katz]

My parents were my abusers in childhood, and I am currently living with my mother. So yes, an abuser is sti...

Klo
I can really relate to what you said. After my divorce, I had to go back and live with both my parents. I was stuck there for almost 5 years. And, yes, it sucks!

In fact, I still have to go spend the day with my mom, every so often. Dad has errands to run. How convenient for him. I should just tell them "no". :(