I never make plans for "us"
This is definitely one of the things I've had to adjust to! I once told him "well, if you planned for the xyz event tonight, it wouldn't have been so complicated" (I had already made plans to do something when he just materialized!). He said "I don't plan." He often just turns up at the worst moment, but when we have plans he's a ghost. I have suggested holidays that have in the end been either forgotten (memory being a big thing) or just the idea has made his cup overflow and he has backed out.
Overall, the good outdoes the bad (although right now we are in an isolation interlude and I must admit I wonder if this is IT this time). I can't turn him into a person he is not, probably someone he is incapable of being. I'd have to build a time machine to stop him signing that military paperwork.
He has been through things I cannot comprehend. Likewise, he cannot understand my "cotton-wool clad existence" that's, quite frankly, so middle class and vanilla. It's taken so much for me to realize that he is doing the things the way he does as a way to protect me, at least in his mind/from his perspective. I may have to accept my life is never going to be like the TV ads/movies that rub normality in my face and make me feel like there is only one way a relationship or life needs to be lived.
Does it annoy me at times? Hell yeah. You are still allowed to have feelings. I just try not to pin too much to expectations these days.
I'm not trying to lessen the disappointment you must be feeling right now. Just know you are not alone.
