General Isolation, Coping Mechanism Or Bad Habit?

[Badger]

I hope that you are not investing more in the relationship than he is. I think you are right about stating that most people wonder if a potential partner will fit in with their family. Have you considered doing a really honest inventory of what is important to you in a relationship?

No. Because people aren't that easy to quantify. I kind of did that with my last relationship, because I wanted some one with stability to have kids with. He turned out to be a workaholic, passionless, porn addicted liar who is uninterested in his own kids and spends no time with them. Not what I thought he was at all.

 

[mamachick]

Im sorry to hear that Badger. There are certainly no guarantees. Good reason to observe how they treat those in their life who they love as well as pay attention to red flags. I have overlooked them-thinking Im too picky, That is brought me heartache more often than not.

 

[Badger]

It is funny though, it does feel ocasionally like a lot of you sufferers are trying to talk me out of this ;) Brat I still didnt answer the question you asked me about wether or not Im investing more then he is in the relationship. My first inclination was to say yes, I text him more, I'm here on this forum learning etc. But then, when I consider the effort and courage it takes him to just come to my house, and the amount of time he spends getting ready when I go there I'd say thats probably not the case. It is much easier for me to do things, then it is for him, so I do more things. All that I have invested in this relationship is time. The question I try to ask myself about it, is if it ended tomorrow would I be glad he was a part of my life? The answer is always yes.

 

[mamachick]

Badger, the last part of your answer is what is important. I see it was not an easy one, but a very reasonable one. It sounds like he is lucky to have you. I just do not wish this on anyone, and maybe that is part of why I isolate, I dont want to infect others.

 

[Badger]

Brat, I don't think PTSD is contagious, but I do see how you might feel that way. I dont think its all negative characteristics though. These might be some generalizations, but there are some good things about people with PTSD too. Winter has a lot of really nice things about his personality, that may be related to his PTSD

The oversensitivity/hyperarousal they develop to people around tbem, causes them to be very perceptive. They may not appear to spend a lot of time paying attention to you, but the reverse is usually true. They dont want to be around you because you are ALL they can think about.

Among other things, this makes someone a great lover.

They arent going to be needy, or clingy.

They are pretty tolerant of harmless eccentricity (as an artist and just someone who never fit any mold, I like that one)

If they are in therapy, they usually tend to be pretty self aware.

 

[mamachick]

Of course I was kidding about contagious, but is a tough road to travel but not trying to scare you away at all.
I don't think ptsd "makes" someone have those qualities or characteristics. People with ptsd are all different personalities and temperments, just as any other group. We are not defined by our ptsd, though it may seem so at times. Some are selfless and others are needy. Im sure we are as individual as any other group. I would not try to find the black and white in ptsd.

I would not make the assumption that someone that does not be around you is due to their constant thought of you. If someone told me that, I would consider that hard. There are also other illnesses that can co occur with ptsd. Someone can have ptsd and OCD, or be a perfectionist, or have anti social personality disorder. There are many good comments here to consider. I mean this with no disrespect.

 

[Abstract]

Will possibly/hopefully come back here and say what I wanted to if my concentration span and brain don't get in the way:bag: but wanted to post a link to some conversations about isolation that may or may not give a little insight to some of the questions you ask. https://www.myptsd.com/threads/isolating-who-do-you-find-most-difficult-to-let-close.34273/

 

[amethist]

My husband is isolating at the moment, he has shut himself in his garage after hearing of another biker friend dying on the road.

This is not the first time in the last week, he did it on Friday night because of one of his old friends shutting him out and saying things that were not true.

While I can see it is a coping mechanism, I also see it as a bad habit.