Isolation - struggling to meet new friends

[batgirl]

I wasn't going to say anything about this but since others have I feel brave and I will. If I say anything wrong go ahead and edit, but I really feel like I have to say this . Hollyberry, I think it's really rude of you to just come to this forum and expect everyone to bend over backwards, drop everything basically and pay attention to you. Like Bec said it has nothing to do with being a new member or an old member. People have lives, and this is a PTSD support forum, not a Hollyberry support forum. Yes I have made friends on this forum, but I've been here over a year, and I never expected to make any friends at all. I came here because I was fed up with not dealing with my PTSD. I wanted to learn some tools to heal and manage my life. Honestly I couldn't have cared less if I made friends or not. Friends happened eventually, and it was just a nice bonus.

I have serious issues with trust. When I first came here, I didn't even register for a whole month. I just lurked and read. When I finally did register and post, I was still really cautious. People here were strangers to me, and I don't trust strangers. I have learned to trust some people on this forum but it has taken a while and I still have major issues with trust. I think lots of others here do too. Let's face it, you are new here, and since this is the internet, people don't really know who you are. You can't expect everyone to just jump into being friends with you overnight, they have to get to know you. In the past I had bad judgement on here and became friends with certain members too quickly, got hurt and really regretted not being more careful. I think a lot of people feel the same way. And if you really want to make friends, pushing yourself on others and basically demanding attention is not going to work. That just turns people off, people will end up avoiding you.

 

[hollyberry]

ok I deserved that, but have found peace today and I'm not going to let what you are saying to me run me off. I'm truly sorry that I have pushed myself on all of you as you say. I have been really needy this past week. and I am sorry. I have done better today, been writting in my journal and leaving all of you alone. don't think I've pushed myself on you today. I am truly sorry. Hope you all can forgive me

 

[morgan]

I'm not as quick to make assumptions as I used to be but, I'm gonna go ahead and assume that was all for hollyberry and not about me trying to make friends. Just to be clear though, my motives were to stick my toe in the water and try some form of human interaction. All that I just read was true but a little to harsh for me. I'm glad it wasn't about me. I'm way too sensitive for all that. Some people just don't know how to reach out, ya know. Being needy sucks. My meds have done wonders for me in that department. maybe Hollyberry needs her meds adjusted. Just a suggestion. I hope she's getting the help she needs. That's one thing I do have going for me. LOTS and LOTS of HELP. Good luck hollyberry. I wish you well.

 

[hollyberry]

thanks morgan

 

[batgirl]

Morgan, I apologize for hijacking your thread and saying the things I did in here. I was wrong to do that. This is your thread and I should have stayed out of it. The statement that Bec quoted really hurt me and when I am hurt I get aggressive. Not an excuse though for how I behaved, just an explanation. I need to work harder on stepping back and not reacting when people post something that bothers me. Anyways I am very sorry and I am going to be a lot more careful in what I post in general until I am feeling more well again.

 

[becvan]

Morgan.

Your doing great at reaching out and trying to interact. I agree that we all have to start somewhere and get our toes wet. Just remember it takes time to make friends.

I won't speak for the others. I quoted whom I was speaking to and made the correction to the thinking presented. Plain and simple.

Your doing great, keep it up!

bec

 

[EmoxxKid]

Hey Morgan add me back if you want so we can chat;)

 

[morgan]

Hey Morgan add me back if you want so we can chat;)

I really don't know how to do computer stuff. This is all pretty new to me. sorry but I'll try to figure it out.:dontknow::crazy:

 

[baileysemt]

I'm trying to make new friends, but I don't really know the area since I'm relatively new here. Where do you go to meet people in a big city and its suburbs? I try to meet people in my work, but I'm a contractor and haven't been in the same office more than 6 months.

I am really afraid that the people I meet will get the wrong impression from me if I withdraw from the world every now and then. I've also got the weight of having failed in my marriage. I doubt my capability to have a working relationship on any level with anyone.

How about church? :) If you don't have a church, pick one. Go and talk to the pastor. Explain what you are struggling with. Explain that while you don't want to be treated as "the needy child," you are there to meet people in a somewhat safer environment, and maybe find some guidance for your heart.

I am not a church girl myself, but only because I live in a teeny-tiny town and I feel like I am under the microscope at church. When I lived in the city, I was more anonymous there, so going to church was much easier. People knew me, of course, but it wasn't like here where everyone knew every time I farted in regular life. *giggle*

Even so, I find incredible warmth and gentleness in religion and faith. I have been putting Christmas music on TV here lately (my TV is always on, it's a security thing) and it is incredibly soothing to me. A couple of months ago I found a the St. Norbert's Abbey in DePere, Wis. which I had heard of before, but never seen... there is this cemetery where all the ministers have been buried, in a semi-circle facing the church... I felt so warm and loved and surrounded by goodness and purity there. It was amazing. I have never felt like that in a cemetery -- EVER. I just felt like all of God's love was being channeled to me in that sacred place, and that no matter how I was broken, I was safe and loved there.

I don't know ....... this just popped into my mind as I read your post. :kiss:

:D Bailey

 

[morgan]

I have the same problem. One of my options is AA/NA meetings. I must say though, that although there are good people there, there's also a fair share of BS. I'm not strongly inclined to wade through the BS to get to the good. My problem being... who do I believe and who's full of it. I'm not exactly the best judge of character. But that's my dilemma. Yours may be very different. you probably don't even have a drug problem for all I know. just an idea If you do. Also, my therapist suggests community programs or volunteering. I'm not as afraid of those options for some reason. Good luck whatever you decide.

 

[just tina]

True friends are hard for anyone to find and keep. I've been looking for another word to use. I have one good friend, and would like to find intellectually stimulating and interesting people to socialize with, now and then.

Do people really go out and "find friends"? That makes about as much sense to me as saying, "You need to go out and find a husband?" Doesn't it take some time to develop a friendship? Wouldn't it be enough to meet people, mingle a little, and not try to get close for the sake of getting close?

 

[morgan]

I'm glad you brought this thread back up, as this is my main struggle right now. I don't think it's common to "go out and find friends," but since my PTSD has gotten so bad that I've totally cut myself off from the rest of the world, that is exactly what I find myself needing to do. All of my friends are long distance from me and I have no social life whatsoever, so my therapist would like to see me develop one. I, on the other hand, would be perfectly content to live the remainder of my life as it is. I'm 40 years old and live with my parents. This is not a realistic goal, however and I must set my sights a little higher for my future. I need to try to connect with the rest of the world and move out on my own. I can't expect my parents to take care of me forever. So, one thing at a time and first things first... I gotta go out and make new friends. (The fact of the matter is though, it looks like I'll be moving out on my own first).:dontknow: