Isolation - struggling to meet new friends

[morgan]

Thank you Wendy and Pandora. You are the two friends I was talking about.

 

[jeapea]

I agree with easier said than done. I'm still having trouble reestablishing my old friendships! The ones I know I can count on. (well.. I think I can...) If I can just keep from that feeling of waiting for the other shoe to fall...

I've decided to accept that I'm having trouble trusting myself to trust myself to know who I can trust and who I can't.

 

[morgan]

I recently started to establish a friendship with a fellow sufferer from my group. All of a sudden and out of the blue she stopped taking my phone calls, was rude to me when she did finally answer the phone. She was also rude to me in group when I inquired if she was angry with me. Her words said no but her attitude said yes. I was hurt and confused.

I gave it a few more days then I called her and asked her if she was ready to talk. She said no, I don't want to socialize with anybody outside the group.

Now I ask you WHY? Why did she persue a friendship with me and then suddenly cut me off? PTSD that's why. I've been reading about this type of behavior in the carers section but I never quite got it 'til it happened to me. It stills hurts a great deal but it is her issue not mine.

Now how do I learn to not take it so personally? I just keep reworking it in my head and hopefully the truth will set in.

The worst part is it makes me afraid to reach out again. this fact goes against my recovery plan. I'm still struggling I guess but the trick is not to put up my walls and give up.

Oh well, wish me luck! I guess I'll keep trying despite myself.:dontknow:

take care all, Morgan

 

[Deleted member 541]

Morgan,


You really do need to remember that her actions are passive aggressive, and it IS her issue and NOT yours.....Keep reaching out to other people to make friendships. Not everyone will be like this. She probably is a very nice person, but just not ready or that far into her healing to make and keep friendships.

I too have been hurt because of someone acting very much like this. It's ok, I understand, and I am giving this person the time that they need. If they never speak to me again, well I guess that's ok too. Their loss......

It's your friends loss too......

 

[morgan]

Wendy, you always say just the right thing. It is her loss as I make a pretty good friend. I try to be the kind of person I want in a friend. I have one healthy friendship right now and she has confirmed that i am a good friend to her. That helped a lot to slow my roll on the negative "All or Nothing" thinking patterns I get stuck in.

It's just scary ya know. Taking these risks with people. But I don't want to go back into isolation as that is not the solution for me.

Thanx for your input, it was really helpful and true.

Take it easy, Morgan:Hug_emoticon:

 

[morgan]

So I took another risk with this one person. She was totally drug seeking and used and manipulated me to do it. I was angry.

I've made a decision not to let her do it again. I'm very proud of seeing this before it got too far. YAY for me!

She totally ****ed up with me. I don't ever have to help her again.

Thanx for listening, Morgan

 

[Deleted member 541]

Sometimes we try again with people that we know are not right for us. I'm not sure if it's lack of friends, so we feel that we should hold on to whom ever we do have or if it's thinking that maybe we can help to change them. It's not wrong to try again, it's probably a good thing that we do. It's just unhealthy if we continue to put ourselves in situations that we KNOW are not good, stay in them and do nothing.

Good job Morgan......Keep focused on you and healthy relationships.....

 

[FlameTachiku]

Morgan,

I am glad that you are takeing care of yourself and recognizing who may be harmful to you---while being open to new experiences with others.

Best to you!

Flame:Hug_emoticon:

 

[midi]

this was a good thread to read. i often wondered what was wrong (aside from the fact that i don't get out more than 2 or 3 times a week at the most). in the past, i dumped people, and people dumped me. i thought maybe i was just the intense type and so were they--but i can see how the PTSD affects it.

i can relate to trying to hang with people you really do mesh with, as opposed to people you instinctively know won't work out.

 

[morgan]

I'm finding that the real struggle is finding and keeping that balance between staying open to new experiences and shutting down because of a couple of bad ones. I am managing to maintain that balance but I do find it difficult. Still it is all about learning and maintaining boundaries isn't it? I'll never learn any other way than to just do it.

Sometimes I say "see! This is why I hate people!" Then I realized that there are a few good ones in there and it's not as bad as my PTSD head thinks it is.

The people I've dealt with on this forum alone prove that, not all people are bad for me. And for that I am thankful.

So, Thanx you guys! Morgan:clap:

 

[Robyn]

Hi Morgan,

What types of positive things are your interested in? Perhaps if you put yourself in situations that foster that interest, you can connect to others with the same interests. For example: If you like reading, contact your local library to see if they have book clubs that read and discuss the books they read.

If you meet someone on common ground, you may find a friend among them.

Just a thought,
Robyn

 

[morgan]

So today in group the drug seeker was crying (literally) about the fact that I never call her. I told her two things first that I wasn't thinking about drinking (as in I have had no reason to call). And second that I don't automatically trust people because of my past and my PTSD.

What I didn't say (because we were in group) is that I don't trust her because she asked me for my drugs (barbituates) and that I felt she was drug seeking. That is what I planned on telling her on a more private level. But at one point she finally admitted to asking me for drugs so, I think she got the message anyway.

This was sort of a stressful session for me but, under those circumstances I feel I handled myself very well. My therapist feels I did well too. And once again in group situations I have set the standard. That is a really empowering feeling despite the stress.

Thanx you guys for following this thread. I find your comments and support really helpful.

Take care all, Morgan