It’s a stupid haircut. Yep. Just a stupid haircut.

[Justmehere]

I have never cried over a haircut until now. It’s soooo stuuuuupid of me.

I have been trying to put more into my looks, because I dunno. Self care or healing or some such nonsense. I have had three not great haircuts in a row. The first two, eh, I learned to shake it off and carry on. The first one was just wayyy shorter than expected. The second was at a very cheap place and it was a very crooked and cheap cut. Sigh.

The last?

There are bad haircuts and then there is what happened that shook me up. I won’t share the details here. I found a nice place to go to avoid another bad cut — yeah, that backfired. My therapist said it would shake up anyone. A witness was also very shocked by something the stylist did. They totally lost the plot. I eventually had to get help to be safe from them.

Afterwards, I found some place better, they fixed what they could, for free no less… just feeling that bad about what happened… and then offered to help over the next year as my hair grows back to what it was. It will be a hassle for a time to handle - time consuming, and I hate that. I hate time consuming hair stuff…

But it is hair. It grows. Whatever. Right?

I was just FaceTiming someone and I kept seeing my own hair and kept trying to hide it.

I’m over the edge of my stress cup, jumpy, dissociating, stressed, in the middle of a huge PTSD spike. Then this stupid thing happens.

Whenever I’m reminded of my hair, I am reminded of what happened… and I hate myself. Beyond words. I almost knee jerk buzz cut my hair off tonight. Just to not see what they did to my head anymore.

—

The first two not great haircut, I saw as ahhh this kinda sucks but it’s a chance to try something new.

This time???

Omg. It’s a “I am the ugliest thing on this earth” “no one lets me say no”

Etc etc. It’s a self talk train wreck in my head. I hate everything about me. Then I hate that I’m thinking about me this much. My head keeps jumping over the edge on this.

I lost someone to cancer very dear to me recently. They had no hair. So uh, how can I complain? But the negative self talk is still there, fueled by trauma and nonsense.

This sounds like the dumbest question I’ve ever asked, but any advice for coping with massive negative self talk about looks?

 

[Movingforward10]

Not dumb.triggering. not being heard. Your body being violated. Not having control over yourself. All very very triggering stuff. And then seeing the hair. The reminders. Further triggering.

Totally understandable?

What usually works to ground yourself?
What can you do to take control over the hair now? Would dying it or doing something to it whilst you wait for it to grow, help?

 

[Abstract]

So sorry. People freaking out at us and not listening to us is alone problematic in a v big way.

But you are so much more than your hair. You have innate value and worth. And your hair won't impact your safety in this world. Their behaviour was on them.

I had big stuff with my hair in the past. I think it was a bit of body dysmorphia related to some really unhelpful stuff with my mother, growing up.

I used to get home from a hair cut and get stuck into my hair with the scissors. NOT helpful.

If it's overly layered and hard to control then keratin can be very useful.

But your value is real regardless.

 

[Midnightmoon]

Not the same but in a similar thread. I have lost all my hair twice (thank you multiple organ failure) . The first time I didn't care, the second time I was gutted, and then ashamed that I was gutted because that was being self obsessive... They buzzed what I had off to whack in another access line in my neck and I felt horrendously violated, the staff didn't get it. It was *just* hair, but of course it was everything that was wrapped up in that.

I looked at women in the media who wear their bald heads with no shame (cause obvs there's non) and wondered wtf can I not just be like that. I was so so sick, and the thing that was bothering me most was my damn hair, because it made me look sick, everyone knew I was then ill, and I couldn't tolerate that thought.

I brought supper supper soft beanie bamboo hats from a Canadian supplier, and used those to not look at my head and it's reminder of both then and now for about 18 months. I worked with what I had (which was very much a blank canvas!!) and yeah, covered it. The good thing with hair is that there are options, even if they're not the ones you initially set out for. Let the good hairdresser help and it the meantime maybe there are options that help it feels more like you (tying it up a certain way, pinning it, the stretchy hairband type things, or cover it up, pretty scarf/beanies etc.. )

 

[arfie]

if ya want to bring down a man, hit him with a girl joke.
if ya want to bring down a woman, give her a bad haircut.

i've been shaving my head since 1995 to defy this cultural snot knot. on top of getting to poke fun at the traditionalists who go into shock at a woman with a naked head, i get to experience the glorious sensation of feeling nerve endings you can experience no other way.

But it is hair. It grows. Whatever. Right?

believe it. your mammary glands won't fall off, either.

 

[abovedown]

I have never cried over a haircut until now. It’s soooo stuuuuupid of me.

I have been trying to put more into my looks, because I dunno. Self care or healing or some such nonsense. I have had three not great haircuts in a row. The first two, eh, I learned to shake it off and carry on. The first one was just wayyy shorter than expected. The second was at a very cheap place and it was a very crooked and cheap cut. Sigh.

The last?

There are bad haircuts and then there is what happened that shook me up. I won’t share the details here. I found a nice place to go to avoid another bad cut — yeah, that backfired. My therapist said it would shake up anyone. A witness was also very shocked by something the stylist did. They totally lost the plot. I eventually had to get help to be safe from them.

Afterwards, I found some place better, they fixed what they could, for free no less… just feeling that bad about what happened… and then offered to help over the next year as my hair grows back to what it was. It will be a hassle for a time to handle - time consuming, and I hate that. I hate time consuming hair stuff…

But it is hair. It grows. Whatever. Right?

I was just FaceTiming someone and I kept seeing my own hair and kept trying to hide it.

I’m over the edge of my stress cup, jumpy, dissociating, stressed, in the middle of a huge PTSD spike. Then this stupid thing happens.

Whenever I’m reminded of my hair, I am reminded of what happened… and I hate myself. Beyond words. I almost knee jerk buzz cut my hair off tonight. Just to not see what they did to my head anymore.

—

The first two not great haircut, I saw as ahhh this kinda sucks but it’s a chance to try something new.

This time???

Omg. It’s a “I am the ugliest thing on this earth” “no one lets me say no”

Etc etc. It’s a self talk train wreck in my head. I hate everything about me. Then I hate that I’m thinking about me this much. My head keeps jumping over the edge on this.

I lost someone to cancer very dear to me recently. They had no hair. So uh, how can I complain? But the negative self talk is still there, fueled by trauma and nonsense.

This sounds like the dumbest question I’ve ever asked, but any advice for coping with massive negative self talk about looks?

Sorry to hear about your bad experience :/. Hair grows back but of course it's scary when the hairdresser does something we didn't ask them to do. Is there way for you go there abd ask for refund? Would they be willing to fix your hair so you would be comfortable with it?

 

[Friday]

Having curly hair, I’ve cried over more bad haircuts in my childhood than I care to admit.

Having a few terrible cuts as an adult? Taught me the benefit of braiding & badass hats & silks & eye makeup.

It’s winter. Go for badass hats to resume self confidence. In summer? Glorious silks and fun bandanas.

 

[abovedown]

Having curly hair, I’ve cried over more bad haircuts in my childhood than I care to admit.

Having a few terrible cuts as an adult? Taught me the benefit of braiding & badass hats & silks & eye makeup.

It’s winter. Go for badass hats to resume self confidence. In summer? Glorious silks and fun bandanas.

Bit off-topic but I would love having curly hair (I am jealous of my relative who has really curly hair).

 

[enough]

I admit, there are womens hair styles that I like more than others, but it is such a fine line between the most attractive and the totally unremarkable that saying I see a difference is maybe hard to quantify? I mean, well, anything a person says after hello has far more weight with me than any way they look, and hair? does it really affect how a person is perceived? the way they dress is maybe more impermanent than their hair, a tattoo is there forever, physical features more malleable, expressions on their faces, etc. But what they say or how they treat people? If it's bad then good luck, have a merry Christmas if I don't see ya again, if it's good, hello back and how ya doing?

Not going to say "get over it" but I will say don't let it crush a positive self image.

 

[Mach123]

I have never cried over a haircut until now. It’s soooo stuuuuupid of me.

I have been trying to put more into my looks, because I dunno. Self care or healing or some such nonsense. I have had three not great haircuts in a row. The first two, eh, I learned to shake it off and carry on. The first one was just wayyy shorter than expected. The second was at a very cheap place and it was a very crooked and cheap cut. Sigh.

The last?

There are bad haircuts and then there is what happened that shook me up. I won’t share the details here. I found a nice place to go to avoid another bad cut — yeah, that backfired. My therapist said it would shake up anyone. A witness was also very shocked by something the stylist did. They totally lost the plot. I eventually had to get help to be safe from them.

Afterwards, I found some place better, they fixed what they could, for free no less… just feeling that bad about what happened… and then offered to help over the next year as my hair grows back to what it was. It will be a hassle for a time to handle - time consuming, and I hate that. I hate time consuming hair stuff…

But it is hair. It grows. Whatever. Right?

I was just FaceTiming someone and I kept seeing my own hair and kept trying to hide it.

I’m over the edge of my stress cup, jumpy, dissociating, stressed, in the middle of a huge PTSD spike. Then this stupid thing happens.

Whenever I’m reminded of my hair, I am reminded of what happened… and I hate myself. Beyond words. I almost knee jerk buzz cut my hair off tonight. Just to not see what they did to my head anymore.

—

The first two not great haircut, I saw as ahhh this kinda sucks but it’s a chance to try something new.

This time???

Omg. It’s a “I am the ugliest thing on this earth” “no one lets me say no”

Etc etc. It’s a self talk train wreck in my head. I hate everything about me. Then I hate that I’m thinking about me this much. My head keeps jumping over the edge on this.

I lost someone to cancer very dear to me recently. They had no hair. So uh, how can I complain? But the negative self talk is still there, fueled by trauma and nonsense.

This sounds like the dumbest question I’ve ever asked, but any advice for coping with massive negative self talk about looks?

I was on another forum it was all men and I asked if anyone else felt like this about haircuts. I guess men aren’t supposed to. They laughed at me more or less which I kind of expected. But my hair is very long now because my wife complains when I buzz my head with the clippers. I know it makes me look like a sick person or laughable? Idk, but it’s SO convenient. So I can’t do what I want not even with my hair. Anyway I understand your feelings. No there’s nothing wrong with your feeling like that.