It Happened. Now What?

[Ghostybear73]

Okay, forgetting about all the things I have mentioned, is it worse to try to drive home at night, in the snow, with bad eyesight or stay there where you can get hurt again. You said its midnight. Maybe you can sneak out early in the morning when the sun is coming up. You can't stay there another day, as hard as this is to say, your family is nowhere near as important than you. You have to take care of you.

 

[Lost Pup]

Mytai, I don't know you your whole story - but I have just read this whole thread with an open heart and I want you to know I am picturing your feet planted firmly to the ground and immovable by anyone except for you, picturing you full of great strength and power that belongs only to you and that repels anyone or anything you do not want getting close to you.

Remembering is NOT the only way to heal (from trauma in general, not referring to your circumstance necessarily) and believing as such can cause a great deal of harm under the wrong circumstances, or prematurely. Also, dissociating to the point of losing time and waking up in the middle of something has happened to me and many others I know.

Is there any way you can simply picture yourself elsewhere but without dissociating? Picture yourself in your T's office in a few days holding a warm cup of coffee feeling safe and far away from the very dangerous situation you are in? Maybe do that while just focusing on your feet on the ground or your bottom on the chair, etc. But holding both at once - the ground of the here and now and the ANTICIPATING getting to safety as soon as possible.

I don't know you but I am very worried about the spiral of confusion and shame I can feel pouring out of you.

 

[mytai]

@Ghostybear73 In my family, my needs don't come first. I make sure everyone else is taken care of before I get an opportunity to think about what I may need. I might take off to another family members house further away from the abuser, but that way I'm not "ditching" family.

 

[Ghostybear73]

Thank you Lostpup, that is great advice.

 

[Ghostybear73]

Okay, I can understand that. Right now though, its time to think about you. Read and follow Lost Pups advice, maybe that can help you get through this ordeal. Going to another familys house away from your uncle sounds good too.

 

[mytai]

Remembering is NOT the only way to heal

My T told me this recently.

Is there any way you can simply picture yourself elsewhere but without dissociating? Picture yourself in your T's office in a few days holding a warm cup of coffee feeling safe and far away from the very dangerous situation you are in? Maybe do that while just focusing on your feet on the ground or your bottom on the chair, etc. But holding both at once - the ground of the here and now and the ANTICIPATING getting to safety as soon as possible.

I will try this.

I'm scared to see my T on the 3rd now, I don't know what to do. I know she will know something happened even if I don't say anything. I'm not good at hiding how I'm feeling from her, she is way too observant. I don't know what she will do.

 

[Ghostybear73]

She will help you and that is something that you could use right now. Be honest with yoursel and your therapist. I really hope you can do what lostpup suggested and ground yourself for tonight. Keep fighting mytai....

 

[mytai]

I'm going to try and sleep a bit tonight. I'm scared my T will contact the police once she realizes that it happened again. I am going to try and ground myself before I sleep. I don't know what my feelings are right now. I can't put a name to them. The only thing I recognize is pain and exhaustion right now.

 

[Ghostybear73]

Okay, try and sleep well! I hope the best for you and will have you in my thoughts.

 

[Lost Pup]

Your well being will be in my thoughts too. I will be continuing to picture you as strong and powerful enough to do whatever (and only you know) is best for you. Hope you get some sleep.

 

[Seasounds]

Yes, keep in touch, and since you were likely drugged, do not eat or drink anything, that you haven't watched being made-food or drink.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

I think you need to prioritize your own needs above those of your family. Honestly, I think it's a main reason why all of this happened. (Not victim blaming, so don't slam me.) You put the needs of your family above your own needs and your safety was sacrificed. Until you learn to put yourself first, your healing journey will be rocky and slow going. A big question is why you are putting everyone else's needs before yours? We need to put ourselves first and I don't see that happening.

I also see a lot of excuse making. Can't go to the ER because... Can't tell my family because.... Can't leave because.... The excuses are keeping you stuck.

I know you hate my direct tough love style, but it is what it is.