It Took 20 Years To Get Here, But...hello!

[Ellery]

Raped by two high school classmates-one held the gun to my head and watched while the other...

• 20 years ago and never told ANYONE. Ever. Until last week

While still completely traumatized from first event, became pregnant at 19, then abused and finally held hostage and raped by the father. Then stalked for 3 years.

• Still dealing with him and his family for visitation

While still being stalked, with a restraining order in place, was robbed during the night by a group of strangers

Is that too much information? If so, I apologize. I'm glad to be here!

 

[Jacquie]

You sound 'determined' ;) Welcome!

 

[Nighthawk]

Welcome to the forum:) I think that you did a great job of sharing in your first post. Take a look around the forum you will find a lot of information and a very supportive group of people.

NH

 

[Ellery]

You sound 'determined' ;) Welcome!

Hi Jacquie and NH! I'm very determined to put the pieces of my life together. Since I never told anyone about what happened in high school, I never thought it affected my life. But I realize now that it did! Pervasively. Now I can see more clearly, and it's a little frightening to understand that I can do something about the way I isolate myself, push people away, am completely socially phobic, and cannot achieve emotional intimacy with my husband and probably my kids. It was just a mystery before, and my emotions and fears have been so intense no matter how hard I try.

Then I had a complete flashback to my high school episode and when I came to, my husband's jaw had dropped and was looking at me in horror. I realized I had been talking the whole time and I suddenly realized what's been going on for the last 20 years.

I'm determined to stop minimizing the damage, confront the reality of my life, accept it, and grow from there.

Thanks for the welcome!:)

 

[The Albatross]

Welcome Ellery. Congratulations on your resolve and determination to confront, accept and grow. (Me too.)

 

[intothelight]

Hi Ellery,

Welcome to the PTSD Forum. Your determination is to be commended as you confront and process your trauma. There is also a sister site, [DLMURL]http://sexabuse.ptsdforum.org/[/DLMURL], you may find helpful.

Take care.
Debbie