It's Never Going To Get Better.

[FindingMyself88]

I just want to give up.. I almost just walked out in front of oncoming cars, but I chickened out. This is hopeless, I don't think my life will ever get better, no matter how hard I fight. I just left group therapy and it was yet again another bad session for me. I've barely talked the last 2 sessions, and normally Nancy picks up on that, but she hasn't. Today she was talking to someone who has a similar issue with his mom (verbally abusive) and was saying that in the time of being around her, he cannot process his emotions as its like a crisis for him being around her. So I piped in and asked "So what about me? I will be living with mine in 4 days. How do I deal with my emotions?" She said "Well you're not going to be able to because you are choosing to move back into an emotionally unsafe environment, you're only going to be able to be gentle to yourself. I hope you have a good therapist because you're going to need it." ?!?!?!?!!!!!! So basically I feel like DBT isn't going to help me at all, and that she feel's like my situation is hopeless. I have NO choice but to move back in with them, unless I want to live on the streets?!

I saw my psychiatrist before this and basically told me I was dissociating and also diagnosed me with anxiety disorder NOS on top of PTSD and major depression. She wants me to try to socialize more and see her in 3 weeks. I feel like nothing is working.

I just want to give up, I am so tired of fighting and seeing no relief.

 

[WillyKat]

That's a very uncaring and unprofessional thing to say…especially for a, what, a therapist? Some people have an extremely hard time understanding economic realities. Sometimes I think I can detect people that grew up well off by hearing them say just a few words.

I'm sorry you have to endure this crap. That is, if you intend to go back to the group. I would consider sharing how you feel with the group leader. It might help a lot.

Ever heard of the book Soulcraft. I had to stop reading it after a few pages. It kept going on and on about trying this and that different therapy: psychoanalysis, you name it. It mentioned various types of retreats and all manner of expensive things you can do to deal with your problems. Sure, works fine if you're rolling in money.

All I can say is that you have supporters here, and if you have to endure living with negative people, I'd suggest spending as much time as possible away from them physically (walking, library, etc.) or away from them in other ways (computer, alone in room, or alone with us on the forum.)

 

[billie]

Wow, I am sorry you are in this situation. I hope you are okay, thinking of you.

 

[PureDogs]

@FindingMyself88

I don't know if this would be helpful for you to feel that you were not only one here.

My T also tells me to social some more but I have difficult to do that due to fear, flashback, trust issues, and many things I have experiences.

I admit that I do feel like to give up sometimes because I felt that my PTSD is too strong and took control of me but I have learn how to NOT let it control me by telling myself "I'm fine and I'm great!" It is not that easy. There are times I wish I can have a normal leading life. I have reminded myself that I can have a normal leading life if I take control and let God take control of my life, of course, it is difficult because right now I felt too angry to let God to take care of me.

Am I still too angry? Yes it is not constantly but on and off.

Hope this helps :-/

 

[FindingMyself88]

I just don't want to keep doing this.

 

[broken brain]

You're not alone. Safety in numbers.

 

[Seaotter]

A giant hug!

 

[Deleted member 1860]

Maybe step back from your emotions and consider that what the therapist said is true----that you are going back to an unsafe environment and that it will be hard to deal with your emotions, that you will need a good therapist.

In my personal experience, what she says is true. Therapists don't often come out with hard hitting, in your face statements like that. Maybe you need to find a different group where the leader doesn't give as much tough love and pads her statements?

 

[atthree]

@FindingMyself88 just reading the tread, what came to mind, "Best things are free." It's beautiful how you both knows what to come.

I like finding myself with a good Sudoku puzzle. I posted in discussion, Reflecting with Sudoku. I made it up, soon after finding out I had PTSD.
Work with easy ones first. Our family worries about us and get impatient when they don't understand. The longest time I took it as revenge

 

[cdg]

This is to hard to stop trying. Victory would be the sweetest taste known to mankind. Keep going.

 

[Tinyflame]

Sometimes for at least a while our options aren't ideally what they should be or what we wish them to be, in fact, it's a living Hell. I have found whether it be the unbearable stress and pain and worry and fear caused by circumstances of other's actions, or it be my own, or ptsd, it required taking it one step at a time to make it through. You need new resources, and time away (even mentally) from the stress. Headphones, therapy on your own or a new T, nature, things you like (even small), the self care like trying to get sleep, eat, exercise (even small). They say (though I'm not entirely sure why) that we have to 'tell someone' we feel this way, you are doing that also here so that's really good. :tup: It's hard to find the words to say, but I guess saying to your T what you said here might help.

:hug:

 

[FindingMyself88]

Thanks for the encouragement, but I'm just to the point I can't handle the pain anymore. I tried to be good and called crisis line. I told them I wouldnt kill myself but I couldn't promise not to cut. But all I can think about is taking all the medicine in my medicine box, which is enough to kill 5 people. I don't want to die but it feels like the only way out of the pain.

I'm sorry for burdening all of you.