It's Not A Real Problem If You Are Not Hiding It...

[Deleted member 28403]

So... Today I've heard some very hurtful words from my parents, just to top how absolutely shit I've been feeling till then :(

Basically, because I cut last night, at 5 AM, after a whole night of absolute chaos, panic attacks that made me toss, turn and have painful contractions all over the body, like, all of my tendons and muscles hurt from the night :( and flashbacks, as a result of a sudden lack of dissociation that's been happening for a few days because I accidentally missed a few doses of Zoloft and some other recent stuff. I woke up somewhat late the next day, at around 11 AM. They were very mad at me for that, and a good bit of the days was spent with them yelling at me, for it all to cumulate to them cornering me in my room and ranting off about how miniscule my problems are and how much bigger their problems are and everyone's problem around us.

Simply said, they are angry at me because I cut myself in a visible place (my forearm), and they just see it as attention seeking or whatever, though they will not admit.

After they gave me shit about the cuts being in a visible place, I got a long talk about how many problems everyone in the neighbourhood has, and yet, how well they manage to have them not be entirely visible and so on. Basically, sending a message of "look how well all the other people hide their problems".

After that they started telling me how what I'm going through is nothing compared to problems they have and so on.

I feel shit generally. And they are, it seems, still in denial of me having mental problems, although I am on prescribed medications and go to theraphy and so on. But no, it's all in my head/I just want attention/I'm just making it up...

F*ck this shit

 

[Anrish]

Not liking because I like what your parents did to you - but liking to show you you're not alone.

They don't get you at all - and maybe they're helpless...but it also sounds very mean from my point of view. I'm so sorry that you got double hurt in that way.

I don't know for a solution, I can only send some supporting hugs to you.

 

[Deleted member 28403]

:hug: Thank you for at least being here

I do not know any solution that works, basically, the only thing that works is to hide everything well enough so they don't notice, which is basically not talking to them about problems at all. And it works because in that case I only deal with them complaining about me not talking to them

 

[Deleted member 29920]

:hug::hug::hug:

 

[Anrish]

I can understand the cutting part. I did it myself - and I hid the cuts under my wristbands most of the time. My parents were horrified...and dragged me to a psychiatric hospital for teens (I was 15 or 16...). I'm so sorry that they always find something to complain about you.

You're a very thoughtful fellow - especially concerning your age, never forget that. :hug:

 

[NoWhereKnowWhere]

I'm so Sorry your parents sound like total dicks. :hug:

 

[Deleted member 28403]

@Anrish
Oh, seems like exact opposite of my parents

Although I'm already seeing a psychiatrist, and I've been seeing the same forensic psychiatrist since 2012, with some breaks, one of their arguments is that if people see that I self harm they will think I'm crazy and I will end up in a psych ward.

 

[Deleted member 28403]

@NoWhereKnowWhere
:hug: I do not really know why they act that way

 

[Deleted member 28403]

@C j
:hug: Thanks for being here

 

[Angel inside me]

I'm not really sure if this is helpful or not. My mom was very depressed my whole life. She got violent everytime I got myself sick or hurt. Cutting always seemed amazing but it just made my main trigger (my mom's abuse) worse. I am not saying your parents are right for what they do. I am saying they are who they are and agrivated the lectures is not helping your head space. I used to take tweezers and pull out my body hair. I don't know if it will work for someone who has cut but it may. Sorry I could not help more.

 

[BuckarooBanzai]

Hi,

I'm jumping into this thread just because I am so OLD that maybe I can sort of play the role of your folks, if you know what I mean.

I can understand how frightened they must feel when they see evidence of cutting. They must be worried sick about you, and seeing the cutting just proves to them how little power they have - how they can't make everything instantly better for you, like they could when you were a baby and they could just kiss away the owie.

Perhaps you realize - but if not, I'll bring it up here - that you are at an age when a young person generally argues a lot with his parents, and vice-versa. It's a time when you are naturally growing up, wanting to be your own person, wanting more privacy (space), and less of your parents in your life. All quite understandable and very normal. Unfortunately, your illness (the depression, cutting, etc., which is, I assume, a reaction to the CSA you experienced) is getting in the way with your needs for independence. I mean, assuming that your parents are decent, understand your increasing need for privacy and all of that, just how do they give you more space and such while you are self-injurying? They must feel like they are in a Catch-22 situation; they are damned if they do give you privacy (because look, son, you just hurt yourself) and damned if they don't (we need to watch you all the time). I mean, they really can't win. All they can do is send you to therapy, listen, and take you to the hospital to get stitched up when necessary. Even if they love you 100% and are the best parents in the world (NOT; no one is), love is just not enough to make everything better.

No easy answers for you or them. I don't mean to sit here and pretend that I know what you (or they) should do. I am just trying to maybe give you a little insight as to what is going on over there on their 'side' of the fence.

Hope that helps a very little bit.

Ben

 

[Panda Bear]

I'm sorry @Saelben

Nothing worse than being low and having it kicked into you that it's not real or that you should get over it. :(