Relationship It's Over, A Big Thank You X

[Newtoptsd]

After a wonderful yet bumpy four months it's over .... my heart hurts but it was a fairly amicable conversation.

He said he never wants to be in a relationship and he shouldn't have allowed himself to get too close to me, I've tried to fight for it several times and this time I'm really not sure how to show him I'm here and I care without him thinking I want a relationship? It's hard once you've already been intimate to be able to strip it all back. He said he thinks the world of me and doesn't want to cut me out of his life. I will check in on him here and there but I know I need to let him focus on him. For those of you who read my posts, he went to rehabilitation for a few weeks and when he came back he moved back in with his mum and hasn't gone back to work etc. He ended it and pulled away a few times but I always proved that I wanted to stick around and take it day by day. This time I felt that nothing I could say would make a difference. I will definitely stick around in his life, he needs to know that people don't always leave. Hopefully we can be firm friends and I can be friends with him without longing for the intimacy.

It's a shame I couldn't be one of those success stories but I'm trying to look at it in the sense it is a success in that I've shown him that people can care and he just needs to take that leap of faith in the future when he's ready because he truly is wonderful!

For those of you who have given me advice and been there for me, thank you so so much from the bottom of my heart. A special thank you to @tiredtexan and @Sweetpea76 who have listened to me ramble on more than one occasion.

I will actually be staying active on here, and replying to your posts, can't let all this research go to waste.

I'm also volunteering for a vets charity so it will help me in that area :)

Love to you all x

 

[Silver.]

:hug:

 

[Sweetpea76]

I'm so sorry that things didn't work out @Newtoptsd... but you seem to have a healthy attitude about it. That's always a good thing :hug:

 

[Buttercup]

My motto is it ain't over til the fat lady sings! :) I've been here before myself. I can't say that I recommend that you keep trying because that may not be good for you or him, but I just think you never know.

I know this is hard...heartbreak always is! So my hugs to you and thank you for continuing your support for someone who needs it and for this board. :hug: :tup:

 

[Newtoptsd]

Thank you @tlc and @Sweetpea76 :)

@tlc I hear you however as much as a part of me wants to cling onto hope I can't have that mentality right now as that wouldn't be healthy. I will continue to be his friend but I think we both need a few weeks apart with no contact for the time being. He hasn't gone into isolation or been aggressive he was very firm in what he wanted so I have to take it that he really does not want to be with me.

I cannot force him to want to try or keep taking things day by day, I persuaded him in the past but this time wasn't the same - I have to let him figure out life for himself for a while.

Thank you so much for you well wishes!!

 

[Newtoptsd]

Feeling confused today, he messaged and asked if I would look after him as he caved and went out on the sauce last night! I was supposed to have a Christmas night out with the girls but I know what he's like when he's hungover and I couldn't not be there for him.

I came home, he's had a fair few tears and panic attacks and I do my usual routine of calming him down. We're supposed to be over and I know we still are but it's moments like this that confuse me, I love him and I love looking after him.

Why does he always turn to me when he's hungover and feels terrible? Is it because he just wants affection or he feels he can let his guard down? I don't know but I do need some support, makes moving on harder!

 

[Buttercup]

I'm so sorry you're going through this. You wrote that you would continue to be there as a friend supporter, and this is part of being a friend to a sufferer.

However, when you are in love with someone it's hard to just feel like you're supporting a friend and not someone you feel more strongly about.

This is very tough on you. I would give you a big hug if I could!

 

[Newtoptsd]

I'm so sorry you're going through this. You wrote that you would continue to be there as a friend supporter...

The problem is he keeps kissing me and I've just seen some messages from an Amy on his phone, sounds like he definitely met this girl last night!!

I don't know what to do, this is all so confusing!!

 

[Buttercup]

What I want to tell you is leave. Don't continue this with him at this time. But I know that's easier said than done.

The fact is he's being selfish. Whether or not it's because of his PTSD, you're getting hurt now. I think you should step away for the next day or two to think and get yourself stronger and take care of you.

 

[Newtoptsd]

What I want to tell you is leave. Don't continue this with him at this time. But I know that's easier said...

I completely agree, he stayed the night for fear of being on his own! He's left now and I need to just get back to being me, I am still looking at this situation as if we are over as we agreed on Thursday. I don't think it would be healthy right now to live in any kind of hope that this might change, plus messaging other girls is not something I am happy with even though he insists she is just a friend as I know that's a lie.

Thank you for telling me what I needed to hear and not what I wanted to hear. Means a lot x

 

[Buttercup]

I completely agree, he stayed the night for fear of being on his own! He's left now and I need to jus...

:hug:

 

[WhyAnon]

Going thru the exact same thing. Ended yesterday. Thought he could handle us, can't. Having panic attacks when someone gets close to him, he's not meant for relationships, doesn't want me to cut him out bc he really cares for me and we have a good time when we're together. Isn't looking for someone else or anyone better, not looking for anyone at all, wants to be alone forever.

I know the right thing to do, for me, is leave him in the dust but it's so hard when I thought we connected so well.