It's Random And Seems To Never Fully Leave

[Cavegirl]

My life is going pretty good in the big picture. So it surprises me that SI's have been popping up in my head lately. I'm not in a pit right now, they have NO business hanging out in my brain.

It's like a different evil person pops into my head and says... Everything would go away if you just died.

I've been struggling with asthma and walking is sometimes difficult and embarrassing how I can't catch my breath. In pops the thought, just kill yourself, it won't matter anymore. What an over reaction to being out of breath!

It's like I'm going crazy.

 

[ladee]

You aren't going crazy ! I get the same random thoughts...as long as we don't 'feed' them, and find a way to distract that thinking, we are ok. If you are having shortness of breath, you are probably tired also. Seems when we are tired, it is good time to do more self care and keep the thoughts from rooting and taking us places we don't want to go... glad you are here !!

 

[StellaBlue]

Suicide ideation is crazy-making and exhausting. I have been in a relatively symptom-free zone lately (to the point where I've questioned the whole PTSD diagnosis)...and then seemingly out of nowhere - SI. Seriously? I don't need this.

Cognitively, I can point to the stressors...and I'm not at risk of suicide...but damn, is this going to be my brain's "go to" response every time things get stressful?
I guess maybe accepting that it will be my response - at least for now. But also giving myself credit for recognizing that the SI is a very old coping mechanism...recognizing that I really don't want to die - I just want the stressor to stop...and (hopefully), I can take it a step at a time - as in, I'm stressed, overwhelmed, time to kick in some serious distress tolerance skills...