Relationship Jekyll And Hyde

[Sighs]

My vet dissociates when he is upset. When he is angry he will say all sorts of nasty things and genuinely have no recollection of them afterwards. Does anyone else experience this in their relationship? If so, how do you deal with it?

I don't know if he loses time and I don't think its to the point of diagnosed DID but from my perspective its like being in a relationship where the other person is not there all the time - and this other horrible person is there instead. And then I get my lovely man back and he has no clue why I am upset. Sigh!

Would love to hear from supporters of sufferers with DID. How do you manage a relationship when one person is not aware of how they treat you at times?

 

[Sweetpea76]

Hmmm... my vet has done this at times too. Said or did something, and had no recollection of doing it. I'm not sure if it is dissociation, or maybe some kind of memory or cognition thing from his TBIs. Is it a PTSD thing as well?

 

[Sighs]

As far as I know, dissociation is a feature of PTSD. Taken to its most extreme it manifests as DID (dissociative identity disorder - previously known as multiple personality disorder), but to my knowledge that is only seen where the cause of the PTSD is abuse at a young enough age to destabilize the sufferer's identity.

I think this is dissociation rather than a cognition / TBI issue because it only occurs when he is upset. (He does have some memory and concentration issues as well, but this is different.) He becomes agitated, says all sorts of incredibly nasty and hurtful things and once he's calmed down has no recollection of them. He looks taken aback, shocked and hurt when I tell him what he's just said. (In his eyes, rather than on his face - I don't think he's a good enough actor to be faking this.)

Its hard for both of us because he's got to the point where anytime I look upset he thinks he must have done something and asks me "What have I done NOW?".

 

[mellysail]

My vet does this too.... He's in the middle of an "episode" right now. He does rash and irrational things when he's in the middle of an episode. He usually remembers, but sometimes doesn't. I honestly don't know what to do any more.

 

[Sighs]

@mellysail - :hug: - at least we know we're not alone in dealing with this.

 

[Friday]

When I'm in a bad place, I can remember how I felt in a conversation, but I'm often clueless as to what I actually said. : blushes : One reason why I have to stick to the truth (& why it usually cracks me up if anyone tells me I'm lying ;) Sorry. Not smart enough to lie, at present!). Worse, in a way, I lose a lot of time. Not in a DID way, but in a "my memory is not logging correctly" kind of way (disassociation for sure). Roughly 10% of my posts on here? I have no recollection of writing them. They sound like me, and hey I'm being pretty lucid, so cheers! But the memory of having written them? It's just gone. About 1/3 of my posts when I'm in a bad place start out like this, but reading them reminds me. Oh. Right. I remember this. The other 10%? Have gone to the same place the bits of road do between my house & my son's school; data deleted, no backup found. My memory is like a sieve when I'm in a bad place. It's funny... Kind of... When I can't find my pants. Again. It's mortifying when it's something important, like a convo with someone I love. Or worse, me being a twat.

 

[Sighs]

@FridayJones - thank you for sharing your experiences. I find it so hard from my end - I can only imagine how hard it must be from his side.