Just Another Hard Day

[sun seeker]

Sometimes, I just want to scream. Or explode. Or something. It wasn't an absolutely terrible day, but just when I think my coping mechanisms are improving, something comes along that shows me just how little it takes to put me over the edge.

First, I'm super anxious about going to the dentist next week, worried about being told I need work which I can't afford; I am making very little money at the moment and even being told I have one cavity would make me want to run screaming.

Then, I was all set to go to my therapy appointment, which involves a long bus ride to another town. I got downtown and found I'd left my keys behind. Hesitation: did that mean I'd also left the house unlocked? Should I risk it and go anyway, knowing I'd be worrying about it the whole time? Trying to tell myself no one has tried to break in all the time I've lived here didn't help. I ended up going home, meaning no appointment till next week. Went grocery shopping, found out the supplements I want to buy for my digestion and teeth, both of which are big concerns, just cost too darn much. My financial situation is a constant stress and my stomach hurts all the time.

Then I was looking at some bills and realized my ISP is going to start charging me $25 a month more by sometime in March, which means I will probably need to cancel my Internet over the spring and summer. That hit me hard because this forum and the distraction I find online sometimes feel like they keep me sane. Or distracted from my problems, anyway.

And a lot of other stressors in the background...

Not a really terrible day. It's just my life feels like a house of cards, and it only takes a breath of wind to blow it over. I'm sick of it being like this.

 

[Kintsugi]

I'm sorry to see you struggling like this. I want you to know that I think the stress you are experiencing would set anyone seriously on edge. That is a lot to deal with, and you are coping as best you can given your circumstances.

 

[sun seeker]

Thanks @Simply Simon, it's nice of you to say that.

 

[greenleaf]

I wonder if you could get a cheaper ISP, even if the connection speed is slower? Or perhaps the current ISP has a lower cost, lower speed option? That seems like a huge hike in price! If you cannot get an affordable one, do you have a library nearby at which you could use a computer for free?

 

[holdenmonty]

That is a lot of stuff. I have noticed lately that it seems like one thing here and there isn't to bad but when it seems like things pile up fast and stress us out. I was also thinking I don't know about Canada but I know here in the states a lot of libraries let you use computers and you can get on the internet and come to this website there if you absolutely have to cancel your ISP.

 

[sun seeker]

Yes, it's having a lot of stress at once for sure, and also that there are several really big stressors that I feel helpless to do anything about. That's the worst thing and it's been going on for way too long now. Waiting for things to change or for someone to do something, but not feeling like I have control over things that affect my life in a huge way.

Yes I have a library near me that will let me use their computer, but only for half an hour a day four days a week. There are entertainment sorts of things I use the Internet for that keep me distracted from all these situations I am helpless about. Thinking about giving that up is serious withdrawal.

There really aren't any other ISP options around here. I have a lowish rate for the first six months, and when that is over my plan was to downgrade to a lower speed, but now I see they don't have any lower speeds anymore. The best I can think of to do is cancel for a few months and see what new plans they come up with after that. They are always changing them.

 

[holdenmonty]

That is true and they seem to always be having some kind of promotional deal. I hear you there to with things that you feel like you don't have control over drives me nuts. I end up doing something that I have all the control over... like my ocd tendencies. But anyway do you have a therapist or a trusted individual that you can talk to besides the people on this forum because I have noticed at least for me talking about what is going on verbally helps out a lot.