Just Another Thread

[Nighthawk]

Thank you @Nighthawk. What have you found to be your focal point?

The smallest of things. I choose a plant or a seed and I grow it. For every minute growth is a success.

The truth is its not finding things it acknowledging them as a positive thing I struggle with. Training my dog has brought much success but I still see it as I am not good enough.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

@lostforgottensoul- I relate.

:hug:

Sorry, didnt mean to be a downer or anything.

I wish I could help, us both. Im sorry!

 

[Tinyflame]

Anon, not sure if this could be helpful, but I think I discovered a little thing, & being that I relate entirely I humbly offer it in case it might be helpful in some way.

I agree with the above, but I've often wondered, what does it men, "Depression lies", or "PTSD lies"? (I really agree with the second one, too).

I think I've figured this out: they said in the "Mindful Way through Depression", everyone expresses the same thoughts/ beliefs when depressed for the most part (that's how we 'see' it's a lie). And I've long-since realized PTSD twists my head in the way of looking for 'explanations' of why I feel as I do (for example, not recognizing a trigger, explaining it in other terms- therefore it affects my perception, & alters my reality). I was also taught by a Veteran on here that low-grade anxiety feels like not fitting in (& I related a lot to his experience of triggers & fear(s) ).

I think I've confused for a long time 'feeling badly' with being a consequence of PTSD/ the traumas, but actually, if there is a way you can let yourself feel badly (I'm not saying grief, though that has it's place, but rather re-living or more so re-experiencing, with the feelings that for survival or otherwise couldn't occur then), the bad feelings reduce/ go/ get reconciled. And I don't mean 're-experiencing' as in the FB's/ intrusive thoughts (symptomology) we get every day, but rather feeling what we did then but couldn't express, & experiencing it now. It seems to help, & would also be exactly in line with why somatic therapies work for some too ('releasing energy/ The Body 'remembers'), etc. Or why 'stuff' comes up mostly only when we feel 'safe(r)'.

I am wondering if this is key? For example, someone said here during a terrifying moment they were thankful for their abuser's 'patience'- totally understand the need for that thought/ 'feeling' then. But what (we) need now is not feeling 'patience' re-living & recalling such times, but terror & horror, etc- what anyone would feel at such times (the 'normal response to an abnormal situation' not possible then).

Then I just found, much of the feeling of 'future' & such, goes away, as does some of the pressure to die. The 'present' feels differently too, because the perception has changed.

Hugs++ to yu, hope this makes sense.

 

[anonymous]

Junebug, you are coming through clear.

but actually, if there is a way you can let yourself feel badly

Maybe why it's so suffocating, I don't think I can accommodate feeling bad. Where is there the space to allow it? If I must live, then there obligations to attend to. In such a case, something must give. There isn't anything I can can give that is of less or equal importance to allowing myself to feel that bad. Perspective, is probably the answer.

I have a never ending feel of voices playing in the background. All leading to the same hellish place of my existence being of no value. I long for peace, however it arrives.

Back to work.

 

[Tinyflame]

I have a never ending feel of voices playing in the background. All leading to the same hellish place of my existence being of no value. I long for peace, however it arrives.

Yes, exact same for me Anon. I am so tired. I'm sorry.

:hug:

 

[anonymous]

I have no idea what to do to stop, just stop, this feeling of dread and despair. Every other statement in my head is "I hope I die."

I am running out of options, it seems. Strategies that fail, coping mechanisms that are just a bunch of bull I feed myself to persevere, pointless.

 

[anonymous]

So f*cking tired of breathing.

 

[Ronin]

please hang in there, Anon.

And you too, Anon without options; if it holds you alive, it's not bull, it's big. You deserve to be alive, and find something that helps; you deserve t have that time, and give it to yourself, even when things feel dull and pointless.

 

[anonymous]

Thanks @Ronin