Sexual Assault Just Found Out My Daughter Was Molested

[ms spock]

@Heather

Sure thing - thanks for communicating with me clearly, so I know that it is not helpful for you.

Cheers,
ms spock

 

[ghotiff]

But right now I don't want to hear about Selena. My mind can't go there. Maybe in the future.

I hear you and understand.

There is a mind shifting technique you could try. It's not easy, but maybe helpful. Every time Selena comes to mind, deliberately say to yourself a phrase eg "I am not going to waste energy on these thoughts" (or any phrase that has meaning for you) then deliberately and consciously think of something else (typically best if you have a plan of what to think about).

In the beginning you will last less than 1 second before your Selena thoughts re interrupt. But very slowly the gap gets bigger and eventually you find they go away.

This doesn't mean you can choose at other times to think and dwell on Selena, just that you don't let thoughts thoughts happen unless you actively choose.

Hope that helps.

 

[Heather]

@Ms Spock thank you for understanding how hard this is for me. And again you have been so helpful and supportive, I want you to know how much I appreciate that.

I ended up crying again today. It is all too much. My daughter is being a typical tween -- which includes being very snotty and it leaves me feeling unappreciated for all I do for her.

I keep thinking about what my therapist said, "don't take it personally". She is struggling and having a hard time regulating her emotions.

My mother is useless. She thinks Nicole is faking, to get out of things and that just makes me furious. It's not her bed she's crawling into in the middle of the night, crying and saying she's having bad dreams. My mother wants to know nothing. Sometimes I really hate her. She has no concept of what we're going through or how hard this is.

I feel so alone. None of my daughter's friends parents want to get involved or know anything. They should be concerned because their kids were in that attic too.
But nobody wants to know anything about anything It's infuriating.

 

[Heather]

My daughter is supposed to go for the second part of the forensic interview on Monday. When I reminded her, she freaked out. She said they never told her she had to go back.

That's not true. The nurse asked her if she would be ok with coming back in a couple of weeks and she had agreed. But she talked to Brianna and the medical is an exam like when you go to the gyno. It's not a full pelvic, but they shine a light down there and Brianna told Nicole there's a camera.

Nicole said she doesn't want anyone videotaping her vag. I don't blame her. I wouldn't want anyone video taping my crotch either. At this point even if they did the exam.... What are they gonna find. The abuse happened over 2 months ago. Nothing is gonna show up.

Why put her through that. I put a call into the nurse who does the exam.

I will tell her how Nicole is feeling. I asked her if she'd agree to go, if they just talk to her. And nothing more. She reluctantly said, "yes".

Nicole has been through enough, why make her endure more.... I think it's time to say, "enough is enough". And leave it at that.

 

[ghotiff]

I think it's time to say, "enough is enough". And leave it at that.

This is what your daughter seems to be telling you. It's so great you are listening to her needs.

 

[Heather]

I spoke with the nurse at the forensic place and she was very understanding of the way Nicole feels. She said they would never force her to do anything that she is NOT comfortable with.

So, we are going to keep the appt. but they will just talk with her. We've been keeping a sleeping log and sadly within the last 3 weeks she's only slept once through the night.

She is struggling. Breaks my heart.

 

[Heather]

Went to my first trauma group today. All I did was cry. It hurts so bad. 2 of the other women in the group had children that were molested. I was the only one whose daughter was molested by another kid.

They were all very supportive and could identify with the guilt/blame that I feel towards myself. It was nice knowing I am not alone in how I feel.

 

[Heather]

I need to vent, rant and rave:

I really F*cking hate Selena!!!!! She is going around insisting that Brianna and Nicole FORCED her and saying that they are lesbians. Seriously?! What the hell is wrong with this kid. She needs HELP.

She is doing any and everything to make the girls look bad and place the blame on them....

She is one sick kid.

And there's nothing I can do about it because she's a kid.

I told my daughter that Selena is in hot water and knows it. She will do any and everything she can to shift the blame and place it on her and Brianna.

This whole thing is maddening! AAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!

I don't know how much more of this I can take.

 

[Heather]

And she's back to her old ways (Selena) telling the kids NOT TO TELL.....i.e.saying Brianna and Nicole are lesbians, saying that they forced her.

None of the parents are taking this seriously because they're still letting their kids play with Selena. Do they not get that it's not safe. Until that kid gets help/treatment she is a danger.

End of Rant.

 

[Heather]

Had a HUGE meltdown today.

I think it was a long time coming.

I told Nicole I didn't think she should go back over to where we used to live until this whole thing settled down. I said her friends could come to our house. She lost it and screamed at me,"saying no one likes our house!!!!!' "No one wants to come here!!!"

Hearing what Selena said about Brianna and Nicole was just too much.

We got back to the house and I told Nicole to go inside. That's when I lost it. I grabbed the steering wheel, shaking it as hard as I could, screaming at the top of my lungs, tears pouring down my face.

I wailed like I've never wailed before... Heart wrenching explosive sobs coming up from the core of my being. I pounded the front passenger seat over and over again. I screamed out in anguish. Tears still falling.

It went on and on for what seemed like an eternity. The tears wouldn't stop, the wailing wouldn't stop, the screaming felt like it would never end.

It all came pouring out. The guilt I feel. For having not protected by baby, my heart, my soul. All of it, it all came out .

It was gut wrenching and I kept wishing I had my car keys, so I could drive into a tree but I gave them to Nicole so she could get in the house.

I was screaming and screaming and screaming..... It felt like it went on for an eternity.

I finally got out of the car and crawled into bed and it started all over again.

It took a long time to pull myself together and I still feel like sh*t.

Neighbor upstairs asked if I wanted to watch a movie with her. I asked if we could talk instead. She told me I needed to stop dwelling on it. There are other things we could have talked about. Trying to concentrate on a movie...just not gonna happen.

 

[Marie E.]

@Heather :hug::hug:

 

[Heather]

Taking Nicole back to the forensic tomorrow. Will see what happens.

Am going to talk to them about what Selena is spewing about Nicole and Brianna.

Will also call the rape crisis advocate and my therapist and see what they have to say.

Today was another shit day. Nicole went to bed in tears.