Just Found Out The Details Of My Wife's Rape

[scout86]

I can't possibly "like" that enough! (Good the hear from you again!) :hug:

 

[HusbandofanEXVictim]

She trusts you enough to provide you with details of an event that is painful to her. She made it clear s...

It's been years since this post was made, so I doubt you'll see this. But if you do, I'd like for you to know that the comment you left shows you are unbelievably ignorant and selfish. This person was devastated by this news, and you think he should just get over it? Or should never have asked in the first place? This is his wife...
I went through the same thing. And it changed me forever. I ended up seeing a therapist - because it started to consume my thoughts 24/7. And I too recognized that some of my wife's behaviors were shaped by this experience. It has helped us grow stronger, and helped me gain an understanding for Women that I would never have had before.

- One thing to think about - At this point, she has had 20 years to process this information. He had 1 night to process it... Something my therapist told me.

I hope if this situation ever comes up in your life, you will work with your partner and help him get through the situation.

 

[Hooper]

As the husband who posted this over 3 years ago it stung on first reading as did many other posts but Kefira is not malicious or selfish. She like our spouses lived through being raped. Coming here and getting information too painful to discuss with my wife was invaluable and selfless on their part. As a partner you process things differently. Looking back I made 2 crucial mistakes:
1. Asking for the details (huge mistake)
2. Hunting her rapist down (potentially bigger mistake but crisis avoided)

The whole thing did consume me 24/7 but now seems like more of a distant bad dream. I think my wife and I are closer but if I could do it over I would have avoided the 2 mistakes above. Every 6 months to a year I'll reread this thread to see what I missed in previous reading, how far I've come and where I am now. Each time I'm amazed at the quantity and quality of responses given. All in all it was a collective selfless effort that helped as much as therapy in a lot of ways.

Sorry you and I are in the same boat. If you read the whole thread think about everything that was said and do it again in a few months. The words stay the same but the meaning changes. Kefira was right on day 1. It just took a little time to figure it out. Wish you the best.
hooper