"just Kick Me"

[Notsowild]

I must have a sign on my back that's says "kick me". I cannot get along in the real world. This girl at work just kept harassing me like she owned the place. She not my boss or superior. I don't want to put up with these idiot people. What's the point? Do I look weaker? I really don't see the point in trying anymore. Please no "pity party" responses. You have to walk in my shoes to know what it's like for me. I was hoping someone understands.

 

[joeylittle]

I don't want to put up with these idiot people. What's the point?

You don't need to put up with them. I understand feeling that way - have you thought about what your other options are? Can you get a new workplace?

It took me awhile to shake off the feeling I was wearing a sign saying "take advantage of me" in all my relationships. I kept ending up in these situations where I'd put in extra time, energy, whatever, it would not be matched, and I'd feel tricked. After really examining the situations and trying to figure out what was going on - I started seeing that sometimes, the only person creating this whole reality in which I was taken advantage of was myself. There were some people who were emotional leeches, but mostly, it was my inability to control others that was frustrating me. When I understood that, and stopped trying, things got easier.

Is there a way you can flip this around so that you either don't continue to be stuck in the situation, or that you can "read" the events differently, so you don't feel so beaten down?

 

[Notsowild]

@joeylittle... Thanks for your reply. Quitting one place to go to another makes no sense. I'll meet these people anywhere. The problem lies with me. I'm either shy and quiet or bitchy and bossy. I can't handle stressful situations because of this disorder. I wish I could tell them go easy on me I have PTSD. I just can't handle life anymore. It is such a struggle.
What do you mean by " flip this around" and read the events differently?

 

[jmni]

You don't have to necessarily quit your job. There are other ways to respond depending on what she is doing. For example, if she's not in HR or management there are limitations to what she can say about you at work. Consider just making an anonymous complaint to HR.

I do know how you feel. At a former job there was a woman who wore all black and actually stomped around like a dominatrix. Her behavior says more about her than it does about you. She probably just wants to feel powerful because she's not.

 

[Notsowild]

@jmni.... thanks for your thoughtful response.
She just a young girl who like to complain and pretend she knows everything. I've had run-ins with others too. This one guy is a sarcastic know-it-all. He actually caused me to have a panic attack just by the way he was talking to me. That's why I think it's something about me. I look weak and vulnerable so I'm an easy mark? I just want to run away and go live in a cave.

 

[joeylittle]

@Notsowild, by "flip it around" I mean, interpret the events in a different way - often the opposite to the original interpretation.

She just a young girl who like to complain and pretend she knows everything. I've had run-ins with others too. This one guy is a sarcastic know-it-all. He actually caused me to have a panic attack just by the way he was talking to me. That's why I think it's something about me.

Or, she's really just young and fairly clueless - she's not savvy enough to pick you out as an "easy mark", she's just going to blather to whomever she feels intimidated by. And the guy has rage issues. You happened to be standing in the wrong place when he decided to unload his own psychological junk.

In other words - it really might be them, not you; you're just prone to seeing it through that lens. We all tend to think the situation revolves around ourselves - stupid example, but I refused to wear my updated eyeglasses for about 6 months just because I could not handle living through that day where people would comment on the new frames. Finally my old ones broke, I had no choice. Only one person mentioned the frames: my therapist. The other 100 or so people I interacted with that day, whom I see on a daily basis, did not notice a thing.

 

[Notsowild]

Thanks@joeylittle... You're so smart. I see your point.
I want to just go do my job which I love and not have to interact with anyone. That would be nice. This dealing with all these headstrong personalities is tough. And then there the boss... Dundundun

 

[Deleted member 1860]

Maybe you have a "hostile" sort of workplace and it isn't you at all? Not all workplaces are like that, but I know that many are.

 

[Deleted member 28403]

I was bulyed for 4 years and felt a lot like that. All I could often think of was murder or suicide. I have little to no self confidence, but I can try to act confident. Try to act confident. I don't know other things you can do.

 

[SeanCharles]

Ah Ha! I definitely can relate all too well to this post! I've been dealing with this/these same issue(s) and questioning myself versus them, while my reactions have been less than ideal as has my response (anxiety!!!) among other responses I am sure. @joeylittle

Is there a way you can flip this around so that you either don't continue to be stuck in the situation, or that you can "read" the events differently, so you don't feel so beaten down?

In my case, I have initiated the process of applying for medical/benefits with my state... This however is a forever waiting game for me which is not helping my emotional/physical wellbeing. :(

 

[JEKBreatheandBelieve]

I wish I could tell them go easy on me I have PTSD.

You can. It might not help, but you can. I told all of the staff at my school this year. I work in a generally supportive atmosphere, but I was worried about looking like a freak by telling them. But I realized that some of my behaviors or inability to do certain things (like recess or lunch duty when everyone one else has to), probably needed a rational explanation. I did not give many details. I told them that I had PTSD from a car accident (there's so much more, but they don't need to know that) and I told them that's why I don't do duties. I told them that's why I sometimes suddenly leave conversations. And I requested that they always announce their presence to me when entering a room. I had only one issue and I reported it to the principal who took care of it without mentioning my complaint. I can't say whether it would work for you, but it is an option.

I also like what @joeylittle said. Adding another perspective, most people are just trying to find their own way in the world and unfortunately they don't think about other people's reactions and thoughts. Sometimes the most unlikely people can end up being great supporters if given a chance.

 

[jmni]

I agree with joeylittle. When that happens, it's about them and not you. This girl is just inexperienced. People are probably humoring her because they think she's stupid. No one has told her to shut up and embarrassed her. My suggestion is to find some actual flaw you can complain about and report it anonymously, if possible. That could take some wind out of her.

And you shouldn't blame yourself. There all people and they have problems too. If you hate your work and it's not working out for you, why work there? Consider looking for something else.