Just Need A Little Extra Support

[Deleted member 28812]

Hugs.

Anyway, any encouragement is welcome. Also, any tips on how to talk about death with a 3 year old and a nearly 6 year old would be welcome- that scares me the most.

Are you Christian?
I think kids are just more accepting if they are told a person has gone to heaven. As a kid I just accepted that... now as a grown-up I have my doubts like "is there really a heaven?" though I still hope there is. That is why Jesus says children are the better Christians.

When my great-grandmother past away my parents told me she is with Jesus now and the next Christmas they gave my a present from her and told me an angel brought it to them and told them how much she enjoys it in heaven and how she is watching us from above and happy when we are. I did not question it and was quite happy with the answer.

 

[shimmerz]

JEK :hug::hug::hug:

 

[Deleted member 12723]

I am so sorry for the final loss and the suffering you all have endured for so long.

I lost my husband two years ago after three years of suffering.

So many people have basically said it all. I agree to beware your limitations and go slow and give what you are able to give and let the rest go.

You can give a simple explanation to your kids and bless them, because they are so young to face and deal with this death.

Please take care of your needs and wants as well. Remember to take the best care of you that you are able so you find yourself in a much better position to be supportive. Hugs.

 

[JEKBreatheandBelieve]

Thank you so much everyone for your wonderful support and advice. I was worried about posting this (because I worry about everything, of course), but I am so glad I did.

We had my husband's father, younger brother, and younger sister over to our house this evening. We thought it would be a good change of pace for his dad and brother who have been doing a lot of the taking care of and visiting her throughout these last 6 months or so when things really got worse.

We hadn't told our children by the time they arrived, so we took some private time in my older son's room and told them. I started by reminding them about how Memere wasn't able to live at home and how she was sick. Then, I told them that she had died. That because we are Christians we believe she is with God now. My older son asked, "Why she couldn't get better?" We explained about how cancer is a very difficult disease and Memere did well to fight it for almost 5 years. He said, "I don't want her to have died." My husband and I said, "None of us do." Then, he ran out of the room. Thinking he was upset (because that's what I do when I am upset), I followed. He grabbed a new toy (from a joint birthday party he and his brother had last weekend) and asked to play with it. I set it up and that was that...for now. I know he'll have more questions as the weeks go on.

For me, it's really tough. I told my husband that I took Monday-Wednesday off and he asked why. I said I couldn't handle it. I told him that I don't react the same as others and I can't regulate my emotions as well. That though I have been working on it, it's best for me to take Monday off. Tuesday and Wednesday are the days of the services. They will be long, emotional days, but I will do what I can. We will have one or two of my husband's four siblings staying with us and then other relatives around. It's going to be overwhelming, but I know that so I can prep myself beforehand and that usually helps.

Again, thank you so much for your kind support- it means a lot.

 

[Recovery4Me]

I am glad that you took down time for your own self care: very compassionate gift to you. It is easier to give when one can fill their own needs first. :hug:

 

[AngelKeeperJ]

:hug:I think taking the days off shows that you know what you need to take care of yourself. That is very important right now. Self-care can be hard for us, because it can make us feel selfish. (I used to feel this way) But, truly, it shows that you know yourself well enough to make the choices that are good for you. You are the 'core' of the family, as the mother, and your health, mental and physical are important!:hug:

 

[The Albatross]

Very sorry for your and your families loss. I did what I could do to be supportive, imperfectly... in the way and manner I was able. It was accepted. Get out of your head as you are able and be supportive as you are able... in the ways you are able. All (often times) is appreciated in grief.

 

[Changing4Best]

Maybe you can tell the little one that grandma went to sleep, but she will not wake up in this world ever again. Instead, she is going to wake up in another place where there are no pains or tears, just love. What you tell the 6 yr old has to be a bit more detailed, but still keep it as simple as possible. I also do like that idea of asking them each individually what they know before telling them anything and then telling them the above. Also the idea of them being able to ask more questions in the future should be expressed too. I like that idea also.

 

[JEKBreatheandBelieve]

Today is the first day of services. Tomorrow is the funeral. I have been sleeping a lot in the last 3 days so hopefully I am as ready as I can be to be at these services and see lots of people. Breathing and believing is what it's all about these next couple of days.

 

[Recovery4Me]

Prayers and warm thoughts are with you at this time!
Life and love is so precious...get all the hugs your arms will hold.:hug::hug::hug:

 

[Changing4Best]

Yes, I am praying for you too.

 

[joeylittle]

Thinking of you, @JEKBreatheandBelieve. Breathing is a really, really good plan.