Just need to get this out.

[BLA]

So I have only admitted this to one person and I really didn't go into detail. Certain events recently on the National Stage and well people's behavior around them have been traumatic for me. I can look and realize I am being triggered all over the place but when it began I didn't really realize what was happening. I have even been really close to unfriending my brother because of things he has said in general, to me and our sisters. I mean how the heck do you tell a loved on to "Get over it" when you know the trauma they had as a child? I have had to unfriend other people because they were posting so much stuff that triggered those feelings of something being wrong with me. I have lost my temper a few times and just went all off on social media because why do people not see this is unacceptable and wrong?
So I have beem trying not to look too much at the things that trigger and if I do see them I try to stop myself from reacting. So this morning I go on social media to see an attack on people experiencing a catastrophic event and my head is spinning. I am angry. This doesn't seem real. Is this really what we see as acceptable as a society. And if we do what does that mean for me in finding peace and my own power again? Someone said to me months ago they feel like they are in the Twilight Zone and it was an apt description. I feel this way too often.
This is one of those things that makes me feel crazy to admit. Awhile back I went off on people using the word "trigger" as an insult without really realizing I was being triggered myself.
I used to believe there were more good people in this world than this but now I just feel like the bad ourweighs the good. And if if this reality how I am to convince anyone how badly I have been traumatized by my life? And how do I protect my kids from beimg traumatized by some of the people that traumatized me?
I just needed to get this out, otherwise, I probably will lost it again om FB. Yeah I have anger. I can bottle it up and ignore it like a champion but it is there. It's becoming harder to not let it out and at times I just really want people to see how angry I am. If I thought that I was allowed the same privileges as others to be angry I probably would just let it flow. I don't want to hurt anyone but I do want to scream and cuss and say, "f*ck you!" to everyone who feels that it is their right to tear others down.

 

[Esterio]

Hi there BLA thank you for the post.
I avoid social media like it is the plague. People are heartless and say the worst things. I also avoid the news as it is nothing but negative also. I don't talk to others about my trauma much anymore as I found it drove them away and they didn't understand anyway. I talk here and at another site. I get supported here and never judged. I am sorry for all of your troubles. You are just trying to be a good parent and person and you get nothing but negative shit from uncaring people. Face Book is full of them.
Peace be safe

 

[BLA]

It's funny because I have never really been into news and for awhile there I was checking it too much. Now I am trying to be sparing but sometimes something jumps out at me like this morning that just makes my head spin and get's my blood boiling. I don't know if I will completely avoid social media but I probably need to unfollow those that keep posting stuff that triggers me which is probably a lot of people including my own brother. Why are people so heartless? It feels like what I am trying to learn is not "normal" or "acceptable" has become the norm which makes my world feel turned upside down and inside out.
Thanks for hearing me though cuz I really have felt just crazy that all this so traumatic for me. It makes me feel "too sensitive" and "hysterical" or how about "over emotional". And then that triggers anger at the wrongness of it all and at people who just stand by or support these distressing behaviors.
I am going to try and come here more to help release some of this pressure in my brain. I have felt so much support in just the day I have been on that I feel a little less crazy.

 

[Esterio]

hi BLA
This is a good place to be. I have been coming here for 8 months or so and it has helped me lots. I am not such an emotional wreck. I am still not going out much I am getting out more. I try very hard to avoid negative people. It is people that cause me to fall off a cliff, they can be so insensitive. I hope you find lots of support and friendship here as I have.
Peace be safe