General Just Need To Vent

[Supercd]

I don't think Sephira needed the facts pointed out to her today (and she can correct me if I am wrong) but sometimes you just need to listen and let someone know that you did.

Just speaking from experience. I don't expect anyone to listen to me or do I mean to tell anyone what to do.

Advice or moral support should be taken with a grain of salt. Take what you want and discard the rest.

If what I said is not helpful or offensive discard it :cool:.

What is right for me can be wrong for someone else. Giving my opinion is all I can do.

I assumed that posting on a public messageboard invited feedback. The frequent questions in the post led me to answer (IMO.)

Take care everyone. I hope your situation improves Sephira :).

 

[Sephira]

Thanks so much everyone. I really DO appreciate it. I'm so new at trying to cope with this, and have so much to learn-anything is helpful. All of my friends think I'm crazy for staying with him so talking to them really doesn't help-they just tell me to run, not walk away from him.

Since the PTSd symptoms started, everything has been about him-HIS solace, HIS stress, HIS needs. My needs have kind of have gone by the wayside and sometimes the excuse "you don't understand the stress I'm under gets so so so old! Being blamed for his outbursts gets old, worrying what I will say to cause the next one and always censoring my words gets damn tedious. Sometimes I want to kick something, lol.

Thank you again everyone, you've helped me avoid a very nasty fight today. Have a great day!

 

[simplekindofgirl]

Sephira- Just need to hug. (((((((hugs)))))))

I can only shake my head yes in agreement to the posts above.

 

[Eleanor]

Thank you Sephira for the thread - and Supercd for the lesson on boundaries - I'm struggling with that right now. I am a compulsive listener - and it is hard for me to just "shut off" emails, or messages. But H is in an episode - and I'm sick and I just flat out don't need to hear it. I just want the ugliness to go away. Sooner rather than later. He just called - I didn't answer and there was no message so... who knows? I'm going to have to think about how to set boundaries in the kind of "conversation" H and I had yesterday that led to him shouting at me about how bad I was. He left. Wouldn't have gone away any faster if I'd argued. And yes, it most certainly is abuse.

Sephira - you can hang up the phone. Don't let yourself be treated badly. If I could have pushed the "eject" button on the magic remote and gotten H out of the house a minute sooner yesterday I certainly would have. And fairly so.

 

[Sephira]

Eleanor, I'm so sorry you're having a rough time. I understand about wanting the ugliness to just go away. I pray all the time that his stress will lessen and he will be the man I know and love. Or I'll pray I will say and do the right things so he is kind. Loving someone with PTSD is so challenging. Sometimes I wonder why I stay. After I had vented earlier, he sent me a message. "you enrich my life. Thanks." It made me remember why I stay and that it's worth it. Like supercd said, he may need me but is emotionally frazzled.

I'm a listener too so I can totally relate to how you feel. We have a right to be angry, frustrated and tired sometimes I think. Abuse is abuse no matter if it's partnered with ptsd or not. But we have a host of people who understand thanks to this forum. I hope things get better, I know how it feels to be so exhausted and at the end of your rope. Hugs and prayers sent your way! Take care.

-Amanda

 

[Eleanor]

Thank you for the support ((((Sephira)))) - my H is back to himself now - feeling pretty bad about the whole thing. It is so rough on everyone. Bring your flak jackets kids.

If I didn't have here, I'd be in truly rough shape. This site and the people on it are a miracle.

 

[SeekingSerenity]

If I didn't have here, I'd be in truly rough shape. This site and the people on it are a miracle.

I cant agree more...:)

 

[ProudWife99]

Sephira - I'm so sorry to hear that you're going through a difficult time, but glad you found this forum. I know it saved me from yelling at my husband when what I really needed to do was fume for a while.

I was unsupportive, uncaring, unloving, and didn't understand for the last year. I know it can be difficult to lay boundaries, but when I began sticking to them I really began to see changes. My husband usually responds pretty well to "that hurt my feelings" but when he is in the thick of it I try to calmly and politely say much of what has been mentioned above. "I understand you're angry and irritated with me. I appreciate you communicating that emotion, however it isn't okay to call me names and curse at me. We'll talk when you've reached a point you can speak to me with respect."

Saying the words was easier than actually walking away. Sometimes I feel like the hardest lesson is also the most important lesson : walk away. Leave it alone and walk away.

 

[wife of]

Yep,walking away til they can "play nice" is sometimes the only option,certainly less distructive than a full blown row and it does not hurt to point out why you are doing it before hanging up or heading for the door.

The way I see it for myself is that if I dont respect myself enough to say "Hey hang on you will not treat me that way" then there is no way he will have enough respect to learn not to do so.

 

[Sunshine71]

Some great advice on this thread....

I said to hubby today that it is not acceptable to talk to me how he does at times....

I am seeing a new councellor myself and she said ....

If you had a child with say down syndrome you still wouldnt let them be rude to others - Dont just say its PTSD and let them get away with it.....

I am tired of letting everything go over my head however hubby has slumped and is now asleep up stairs....

But sometimes its easier to let things go - I think.

I know if I say something back then it will esculate.

Its tough ......

With love Sunshine