Just Realized I Was Molested By A Doctor...

[BrookeCo]

So, this memory came to me out of the blue, of my pediatrician sending my mother out of the room and touching my girl parts and butt parts. I just realized this happened because I have dissociative amnesia and can't remember most things, and have honestly been dead inside since I was like...11. It came out of the blue, and I'm not feeling a whole bunch of feelings about it or anything, it's just that I feel like I should find his name and confront him. Is this a good or bad idea?

 

[radicalgratitude]

Whether and when you confront an abuser is totally up to you. Generally though, it is best to wait until you have processed the trauma a bit and have achieved some healing. The confrontation can go well or not so well, and if you are mentally prepared for the worst then you are ready to confront him.

I recently confronted my dad and it did not go well at all. I am glad I waited to do this. The confrontation and aftermath were incredibly difficult but I had a good foundation from therapy so I don't regret it.

 

[Abstract]

I would be careful Brooke.

It can be very helpful but it can be very upsetting. Especially if there is a hidden part of you that wants an apology, remorse or anything helpful from the perpetrator.

You don't have feelings about it and that is OK. I think sometimes that is because one is emotionally mature enough and resilient enough not to have it damage one. Other times though the feelings are still locked up and we have to be gentle with ourselves. The fact that you say you have been dead inside and have amnesia for a part of your life makes me think you should be cautious.

If you do it make sure you are doing it purely for you and that you don't expect anything.

 

[intothelight]

Brooke,

Before you do anything, I would suggest you confirm the memory to the best of your ability. Talk to you mother and see if she recalls the visit and being asked to leave the room. Also see if she recalls why you were there. I don't know if you an narrow the time line and get copies of your own medical records, but the more verification that you have the better when and if you decide to confront the abuser.

Hope you get some answers you are looking for.

Debbie

 

[TeaLeaf]

Brooke- I really feel for you. When I was around 10, I was also touched by a doctor. My mom was in the room at the time and I thought there must have been a reason why he did it even though I was scared, no one explained anything and it felt wrong. Now I wonder what the rationale of him putting his fingers inside my girl parts was? My therapist spoke with one of her doctor colleague and the doctor said there is no reason to do that type of thing on a child unless there is some type of specific bladder or vaginal symptom I was having and I wasn't having any of those symptoms.

I tried to request my records from the office to see if there was documentation of the visit and what was done and why but in my state they only save records for like 7 years and this was 25 years ago. I have had no contact with my mom so I can't really ask her about it and she would probably side with the doctor anyway, that someone in his position would never do anything wrong. My therapist really encouraged me to report the doctor but I haven't done it because I feel like I don't have enough details and I have already been called a liar by the person that molested me, his family and some of my family members.

I really like the advice the other posters gave. About not expecting anything from him, confirming it with your parents, waiting until you process memories.