I'm new here, but have been a lurker for a while. Everyone's stories and experiences have really helped guide me in my relationship with my sufferer. Recently, I haven't been as strong, and thought that maybe posting here would help.
I've been dating my sufferer for almost 2 years, the first year of that was when he was stationed overseas. The relationship was his idea, I didn't want to be committed, and I was afraid of falling in love. The L-word isn't something said in my house, so I never heard it or had to say it. He became my best friend, then he became the first person I ever said I love you too. My sufferer is a combat marine veteran who has been out since December 24th, 2013. In the beginning, I expected things to be rough with him trying to rejoin civilian life, but they weren't. Things were beautiful when he first go back, it was a dream come true. We got a puppy, and planned on making the next step of moving in together. Then, it happened.
My sufferer had started a new job, mid January, about 2 weeks after he got back. It wasn't what he expected, but he was content to at least have a job. Around the end of February, he got quiet. Normally we texted everyday, to tell each funny jokes, plan out dinner, or just let each other know that we were thinking about each other. He'd leave me voicemails, just to say that he loved me and that he couldn't wait to be with me again. That all got less and less until in Mid-March- we had a snow storm and I invited him over to come sledding. He texted me back saying that he didn't love me like he used to, that he wasn't good enough, and he wanted it to be over.
I was devastated. I texted him back saying that I didn't know anything was wrong- just the day before you'd told me that you loved me, and that I deserved better than a text message. He needed to break up with me to my face. We planned to meet that Wednesday- I stayed at a mutual friends house until Wednesday, that friend told me that my ex been crying everyday since we broke up and that I needed to listen to what he had to say instead of going in guns blazing.
When I got to my ex's house- he was the worst I've ever seen him. He'd lost weight, his eyes were red, and he looked so empty. He told me that he had nothing to be proud of- that I had such potential and he was just a waste who was bringing me down. I told him that wasn't true and that I thought he needed help. He said he could 'fix' this on his own, and that it was just weakmindedness. I disagreed, but told him I'd always be there for him if he needed help.
The conversation progressed and he dropped the bomb that he'd make a mistake and wanted to move on and build a life with me. I said we'd take it day by day. Things returned to better than normal- daily text messages and nightly dinners.
2 weeks later, at a party, he got extremely drunk, paranoid, and blamed me for an incident that I had no control over. I didn't hear from him for 2 days and then he broke up with me over text saying the same things as before- he wasn't good enough, etc. I told him that I was extremely hurt he'd do the same thing to me and I wanted answers. I went to his house 2 days later, apparently he wasn't expecting me and answered the door with a gun to my face. He immediately dropped it and apologized. I made a joke about it, but he could tell it bothered me and from then on he was defensive. He said the break up was really what he wanted, and I said, "ok" then walked out. As I shut the front door I heard him bust out crying, but I continued walking.
A week later, the same cycle happened and we 'pseudo' got back together, but now things are different. He's stopped talking about us moving in together, he can go days without talking with me and if I do call before he's ready, I get more emotion from a corpse. Majority of text messages I send are ignored when he's in that mood. I've tried to tell him that I understand when he needs alone time, but I'd appreciate a text to let me know he's okay.
We see each other about 2x a week and talk over the phone 3-4 times. When he does invite me over- he's sweet and warm- like his old self. If we go out, this is VERY rare, he's on such high alert and tense that it makes me anxious and nervous.
I know he loves me, because he tells me so and there are moments where his actions prove it, but it's the moments when he ignores my text messages and concerns that bother me. It's like he was to build up to being able to be with me and then he gets so drained that he has to take a few days too himself to even talk with me again.
I see other couples out there and get so bitter and angry at how easy it looks to them. I want time to go back to when he was just out. I want him to want me like he used to. I want him to get help. I want him to want to spend time with me. I just want him.
I've been dating my sufferer for almost 2 years, the first year of that was when he was stationed overseas. The relationship was his idea, I didn't want to be committed, and I was afraid of falling in love. The L-word isn't something said in my house, so I never heard it or had to say it. He became my best friend, then he became the first person I ever said I love you too. My sufferer is a combat marine veteran who has been out since December 24th, 2013. In the beginning, I expected things to be rough with him trying to rejoin civilian life, but they weren't. Things were beautiful when he first go back, it was a dream come true. We got a puppy, and planned on making the next step of moving in together. Then, it happened.
My sufferer had started a new job, mid January, about 2 weeks after he got back. It wasn't what he expected, but he was content to at least have a job. Around the end of February, he got quiet. Normally we texted everyday, to tell each funny jokes, plan out dinner, or just let each other know that we were thinking about each other. He'd leave me voicemails, just to say that he loved me and that he couldn't wait to be with me again. That all got less and less until in Mid-March- we had a snow storm and I invited him over to come sledding. He texted me back saying that he didn't love me like he used to, that he wasn't good enough, and he wanted it to be over.
I was devastated. I texted him back saying that I didn't know anything was wrong- just the day before you'd told me that you loved me, and that I deserved better than a text message. He needed to break up with me to my face. We planned to meet that Wednesday- I stayed at a mutual friends house until Wednesday, that friend told me that my ex been crying everyday since we broke up and that I needed to listen to what he had to say instead of going in guns blazing.
When I got to my ex's house- he was the worst I've ever seen him. He'd lost weight, his eyes were red, and he looked so empty. He told me that he had nothing to be proud of- that I had such potential and he was just a waste who was bringing me down. I told him that wasn't true and that I thought he needed help. He said he could 'fix' this on his own, and that it was just weakmindedness. I disagreed, but told him I'd always be there for him if he needed help.
The conversation progressed and he dropped the bomb that he'd make a mistake and wanted to move on and build a life with me. I said we'd take it day by day. Things returned to better than normal- daily text messages and nightly dinners.
2 weeks later, at a party, he got extremely drunk, paranoid, and blamed me for an incident that I had no control over. I didn't hear from him for 2 days and then he broke up with me over text saying the same things as before- he wasn't good enough, etc. I told him that I was extremely hurt he'd do the same thing to me and I wanted answers. I went to his house 2 days later, apparently he wasn't expecting me and answered the door with a gun to my face. He immediately dropped it and apologized. I made a joke about it, but he could tell it bothered me and from then on he was defensive. He said the break up was really what he wanted, and I said, "ok" then walked out. As I shut the front door I heard him bust out crying, but I continued walking.
A week later, the same cycle happened and we 'pseudo' got back together, but now things are different. He's stopped talking about us moving in together, he can go days without talking with me and if I do call before he's ready, I get more emotion from a corpse. Majority of text messages I send are ignored when he's in that mood. I've tried to tell him that I understand when he needs alone time, but I'd appreciate a text to let me know he's okay.
We see each other about 2x a week and talk over the phone 3-4 times. When he does invite me over- he's sweet and warm- like his old self. If we go out, this is VERY rare, he's on such high alert and tense that it makes me anxious and nervous.
I know he loves me, because he tells me so and there are moments where his actions prove it, but it's the moments when he ignores my text messages and concerns that bother me. It's like he was to build up to being able to be with me and then he gets so drained that he has to take a few days too himself to even talk with me again.
I see other couples out there and get so bitter and angry at how easy it looks to them. I want time to go back to when he was just out. I want him to want me like he used to. I want him to get help. I want him to want to spend time with me. I just want him.
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