So I'm not in touch with my parents much. My mom verbally abuses my dad and taught me to treat him like he was stupid from a young age. When I got older I patched most things up with my dad, mom and I had all out brawls involving throwing things and screaming and slamming doors for a few years before I could leave the house. I moved from the Midwest to Florida, didn't see them for about 4 years, and now see them around once a year. I went back home for the first time at the end of this past summer and it was awful. I basically had to be the adult and put them in time out.
I basically have to treat them like they're divorced. They get jealous if I call one of them more than the other, that sort of thing. So I basically end up just not talking to them much and I can't talk to my dad if my mom is at home because he won't talk about anything in front of her. I've learned the hard way that things are just much better with them if I can interact one on one.
Despite all this I really do love my parents. I respect my mother, we just do better when I'm 1000+ miles away. I adore my dad. So much. We're both quirky and artistic and completely the opposite of my mother personality wise. And as I've gotten older I've become a bit of a confidant for him, which can be awkward but he doesn't have anyone now that I left except my dog who lives with them. She won't let him go to therapy, etc etc etc.
So jump to what I've been avoiding with background: I actually got to talk to my dad a couple days ago and toward the end of the conversation he just sort of dropped the news that he has a cancer diagnosis, on top of his kidneys being in bad shape for a while now to the point that they're nearly shutting down. We'll know more in a couple weeks hopefully, but.... I guess because my mother isn't a healthy person and my dad's trying so hard to take care of himself I always sort of thought (even though it sounds awful) that she would go first and at least dad and I would have a bit of time without her constant influence on our relationship. I feel guilty for living so far away, not talking to him enough, leaving him there without a buffer. And I'm very very afraid of losing one of my parents.
I'm an only child and my parents were 40 and 44 when they had me and aren't in amazing health, so this has been a point of stress for me for a few years (my mother's very pragmatic and started discussing the estate planning when I turned 20). And it's just all very real and very overwhelming right now.
I basically have to treat them like they're divorced. They get jealous if I call one of them more than the other, that sort of thing. So I basically end up just not talking to them much and I can't talk to my dad if my mom is at home because he won't talk about anything in front of her. I've learned the hard way that things are just much better with them if I can interact one on one.
Despite all this I really do love my parents. I respect my mother, we just do better when I'm 1000+ miles away. I adore my dad. So much. We're both quirky and artistic and completely the opposite of my mother personality wise. And as I've gotten older I've become a bit of a confidant for him, which can be awkward but he doesn't have anyone now that I left except my dog who lives with them. She won't let him go to therapy, etc etc etc.
So jump to what I've been avoiding with background: I actually got to talk to my dad a couple days ago and toward the end of the conversation he just sort of dropped the news that he has a cancer diagnosis, on top of his kidneys being in bad shape for a while now to the point that they're nearly shutting down. We'll know more in a couple weeks hopefully, but.... I guess because my mother isn't a healthy person and my dad's trying so hard to take care of himself I always sort of thought (even though it sounds awful) that she would go first and at least dad and I would have a bit of time without her constant influence on our relationship. I feel guilty for living so far away, not talking to him enough, leaving him there without a buffer. And I'm very very afraid of losing one of my parents.
I'm an only child and my parents were 40 and 44 when they had me and aren't in amazing health, so this has been a point of stress for me for a few years (my mother's very pragmatic and started discussing the estate planning when I turned 20). And it's just all very real and very overwhelming right now.
