Livy's Mom
Silver Member
Week 5, or maybe it's 6 since he left us. Not sure. It could be 7!
Being a single mother is hard. Far more difficult than I anticipated and I certainly don't recall it seeming easy!
The worst of the pain I believe has passed but who hell knows anymore. I've done all the right things.
I've kept us busy (not hard with a 3 year old and a full time job) I've taken time for myself, I've cleaned, organized, read, started alanon, raked a million leaves, washed a million loads of laundry, and NEVER reach out to him.
Friends and family lost interest quick, as they always do so we are alone. It's peaceful without him but sad. He has seen her 3 times now. I guess that's as good as I could have hoped for. This past weekend he even gave me money. I felt like I was being given a bribe to shut about everything.
No matter what I do to keep positive and moving forward, my mind always drifts back to "please come home".
I feel a little pathetic for wanting this man to come home. Sometimes I think I would even let him come home without getting any help because his absence is just hurting me so badly.
I know that can never happen again but there is a part of me that is weak and just wants my family back.
I just want to wake up tomorrow and hear that he is heading to treatment and it's gonna be ok.
I want to hear him say, I know it was me and not you.
I want it all to just rewind, pause, and repeat so I could stop the bomb from dropping.
I know I'm not alone. I have all of you but the feeling of helplessness in my relationship, with my daughter and in my life as a whole is just ridiculous.
Being a single mother is hard. Far more difficult than I anticipated and I certainly don't recall it seeming easy!
The worst of the pain I believe has passed but who hell knows anymore. I've done all the right things.
I've kept us busy (not hard with a 3 year old and a full time job) I've taken time for myself, I've cleaned, organized, read, started alanon, raked a million leaves, washed a million loads of laundry, and NEVER reach out to him.
Friends and family lost interest quick, as they always do so we are alone. It's peaceful without him but sad. He has seen her 3 times now. I guess that's as good as I could have hoped for. This past weekend he even gave me money. I felt like I was being given a bribe to shut about everything.
No matter what I do to keep positive and moving forward, my mind always drifts back to "please come home".
I feel a little pathetic for wanting this man to come home. Sometimes I think I would even let him come home without getting any help because his absence is just hurting me so badly.
I know that can never happen again but there is a part of me that is weak and just wants my family back.
I just want to wake up tomorrow and hear that he is heading to treatment and it's gonna be ok.
I want to hear him say, I know it was me and not you.
I want it all to just rewind, pause, and repeat so I could stop the bomb from dropping.
I know I'm not alone. I have all of you but the feeling of helplessness in my relationship, with my daughter and in my life as a whole is just ridiculous.
