kind of on autopilot when it comes to suicide actions planning etc

[AJ45]

so talking doesnt seem to help, my brain just goes down this path of suicide to point where actions of gathering things planning has kind of been autopilot.

ive been hospitalized before multiple times on meds psych etc, and nothings seems to help, make a difference, its to point that its like reality doesnt exist nothing does.

has anyone gotten to this point? and if so what did you do that helped? or am i f*cked and my brains is right/ feeling is right that suicide is inevitable.....

 

[ms spock]

I have rung suicide crisis lines, gone to therapy, and also read David Burns' book.

What is your plan to keep yourself safe?

Do you have people to ring?

 

[AJ45]

I have rung suicide crisis lines, gone to therapy, and also read David Burns' book.

What is your plan to keep yourself safe?

Do you have people to ring?

no people to ring, and I dont know it takes so much energy these past couple days that i just dont have

 

[ms spock]

I get that it is hard when you have no energy.

Is there anything in the your toolbox that you can do to take care of yourself?

Is there a crisis line that you can ring?

 

[AJ45]

I get that it is hard when you have no energy.

Is there anything in the your toolbox that you can do to take care of yourself?

right now cant think of much i guess one reaching out here

Is there a crisis line that you can ring?

i cant

 

[ms spock]

right now cant think of much i guess one reaching out here

Reaching out here is a good idead and a great start!

 

[frogthroat]

I got to this point last month and ended up being hospitalized by my T. I was infuriated by it. Everything was a huge cognitive distortion but looking back at it now I'm 100% sure I would've killed myself if the police didn't force me away in an ambulance. Last month you couldn't have told me there was any reason worth going on. In my mind there was no future and I couldn't pick myself up.
I don't know where you're at in your life or where your at in therapy but I know how overwhelming trauma work can be. You're not messed up you're in terrible pain. It's like you're looking life through beer goggles right now.
If you don't feel like reaching out right now maybe try having a cry and try to sleep it off? Try a walk? Watch something relaxing or funny. I know it all sounds like bs when you hurt this bad but death isn't going to solve your problems.
I didn't realize how many people would be affected by my suicide until I made that gesture. My boss even took me aside and told me he ended up in psych for similar reasons, that there was nothing to be ashamed of, and to get better.
Please try to let the darkness pass through. Your life is worth living and you'll never know what good can happen if you end it now.

 

[Sideways]

Spent years living with SI and prepping (and periodically attempting). It became habit. Every morning, pretty much as soon as I registered that I was awake? I would think about whether today was the day. And it was a pretty awful existence. A lot of those years I was hospitalised - because it is serious.

The 2 most important things, which always bear repeating: make sure you are communicating with your T, and others in your support network, about how things are. And second: it DOES get better. Much better.

SI is your brain looking for a solution to ease your distress. Your brain is doing it’s job. Unfortunately, because of the effect of depression on our brain’s neuro-wiring, our brain isn’t working at its peak problem solving. Because suicide is a solution, but it’s not a good solution, and it certainly isn’t the most effective solution. There are other solutions, really effective ones, that take a bit of time, but absolutely work. And they will work for you.

So for me, getting through (and out of) those years of habitual, ritual, pathological, suicidality? Involved a tonne of thought diffusion. This is a 2 step process that becomes effective when you practice it as habitually as your SI.

Step 1: recognising the thoughts as soon as they occur. This means staying grounded (in a dissociated state the SI can go on auto-pilot indefinitely), and getting used to recognising thoughts as they occur.

Step 2: interrupting the thoughts. We’re not fighting them, we’re not trying to stop them (pointless. Sooooo pointless). We just interrupt them. This is most effective when you interrupt the thoughts with new thoughts (“Thanks brain for trying to problem solve, but actually that suicide stuff isn’t a good solution”), then interrupting the behaviour with something else. Literally do something else.

That involves a whole lotta work. But honestly, it got me safely through years of SI once I started practicing regularly, and interrupting the thoughts every time.

It makes sense that your brain is trying to come up with solutions. But it’s incredibly important to give yourself the time that treatment needs to be effective. Depression makes it almost impossible to believe - but you will get through this, and it will be so worth it.

 

[Joan]

Great job speaking up here. I think for me I got to the point I was unsuccessful at attempts so decided to try a different route and was also sent to residential treatment for 4 months where I actually had support and there was someone there. Not sure the is a great answer, but it is honest.

 

[hithere]

Crisis Text Line has been useful for me.

I have a "spiritual spot" in my city that I don't know if I created it myself or if an angel led me there. It felt like I was "led" there, but I don't know. However I will drive to the spot and sit in my car and then somehow I feel stronger-no explanation for why that works for me. If angels exist, then that's my only explanation. I'm just glad it does. The futility, the meaninglesness is the worst for me and this spiritual spot helps with that futility feeling.

What @Sideways wrote is something I have been doing; the thought interuption, the "catching" it right when it happens. Then I speak outloud something positive, "I am going to make it" "i deserve to live" it's the opposite of what I feel. oddly that helps at times.

Sometimes just getting up and then doing a chore interupts the feelings and thoughts. Like washing dishes or doing laundry or washing out the tub. Weird I know, but has worked for me.

Reaching out to another human in person. I've been very lucky I could ring my T and he would let me come in and not send me directly to the hospital. Thank goodness! He wrote down on a paper things to "think" , I would look at the paper and read it out loud. it was enough to just get me through until it started passing through

Drink really cold water with ice in it.! Eat something fattening, take tablespoon of flax seed oil. Take vitamin D and Fish Oil.

I think about other people who feel like I do and how I want them to feel better, so if I want them to feel better I can want me to feel better, too.

Reading the Psalms in the bible.

 

[frogthroat]

@AJ45 I hope you reply and at least let us know you're ok.

 

[AJ45]

I got to this point last month and ended up being hospitalized by my T. I was infuriated by it. Everything was a huge cognitive distortion but looking back at it now I'm 100% sure I would've killed myself if the police didn't force me away in an ambulance. Last month you couldn't have told me there was any reason worth going on. In my mind there was no future and I couldn't pick myself up.
I don't know where you're at in your life or where your at in therapy but I know how overwhelming trauma work can be. You're not messed up you're in terrible pain. It's like you're looking life through beer goggles right now.
If you don't feel like reaching out right now maybe try having a cry and try to sleep it off? Try a walk? Watch something relaxing or funny. I know it all sounds like bs when you hurt this bad but death isn't going to solve your problems.
I didn't realize how many people would be affected by my suicide until I made that gesture. My boss even took me aside and told me he ended up in psych for similar reasons, that there was nothing to be ashamed of, and to get better.
Please try to let the darkness pass through. Your life is worth living and you'll never know what good can happen if you end it now.

ive been hospitalized twice and it just seemed to make things . i try bathes showers coloring music youtube reading articles movies etc...its im just at a place where DONE seems to be the theme