Know i have to leave

[abbynormal1929]

Hello. So I've finally come to the conclusion that I deffinitely have to leave my wife who is emotionally abusive. She's had a hard life, and I can't believe I'm going to make it harder, but whatever our marriage is... well it's not a marriage. She's had a lot of past trauma and I feel for her, but she's never been open to seeking help. After discussing it with my therapist over several months, at length, it seems like the psychological toll is getting to be too much. Some things I can live with, but she openly tries keep me from going and doing things that make me happy, like social and artistic things. She makes it about her, and says that she wishes she had something like that. If I make suggestions she tells me how it would never work, it's not worth trying, or she hates people. My therapist went out of her way last week to show me that she fit the criteria for borderline personality disorder (which I fit the criteria at one point in my life). She's told personal, and humilitating stories of mine to her family, and then brought it up like it's a joke when I'm around. She makes fun of me, and if I say anything, tells me it was just a joke, or I'm too sensitive. She's never physically hurt me, but I was thinking: what if she phyically hurt me right now? My instictive answer was that I would probably apologize to her for her hitting me. Every interaction I have with her involves walking on eggshells. I often look at other couples I know, and even if they're fighting i say to myself how comfortable they seem with each other. That they can have fights that don't involve intense fear or anxiety. I can tell myself all I want that she has additional hormones from breastfeeding, and pregnancy before that. I just have to remind myself that this isn't about just that last year, that it's about the last six.

So anyway, I don't know when or how I'm going to leave, just that I have to. I want to make sure I have all the information I need to make sure I don't end up losing my place in our son's life, because I love him more that anything. And having the low self-esteem I have from previous trauma, I have to recocile with myself that her entire family is probably going to hate me. I just want to make sure I have all of the information, and have everything as planned as it can be.

 

[EveHarrington]

I was worried about you after your last post. I’m glad that you’ve come to this conclusion. You deserve to be treated better.

I want to challenge your thought that you’re making her life worse by leaving her. As I see it, she’s the abusive one who has ultimately driven you away. I think she is responsible for being alone.

 

[abbynormal1929]

I agree. And I need to focus on taking careare of my self and my son. Still, she didn't deserve her ex's abuse either. It's a shame how abuse cycles