General Lack Of Discipline? Need Someone To Kick Me?

[Crystal1234]

So my sufferer works a lot and is often away from home on a job. Someone here suggested that this was isolation.

He is pretty artsy and currently is working on a picture. I do think it is good for him. It's a beautiful little piece of art, a country scene pretty tranquil, has a happy feel about it. He has been working on it all day long while the kids turned our home into a chaos *sighs*.
A relative has been helping me a lot with the children but currently this relative is ill (long term).
I have to organize several events, nothing special, just some tea with relatives and the like... but in our families there are some old folks who never like what the younger generation does... and I hate the idea of them gossiping behind our backs.

I asked my husband to help me but he did not want to and said he was sure I would come up with a good idea. This year he did not feel good about Christmas and did not want something Christmas themed. So I had the idea that a normal tea party was sort of boring and came up with the idea of a motto like "sports" and serve things likes sport themed muffins and tennis tea (not sure if this is known everywhere, where I am from this is iced tea with fruits and juice) but I don't know if that's a good idea for the winter months.

So I asked him if he liked my idea and he said "Your choice", in a voice that made clear he possibly couldn't care less.

*sigh* He created a problem by not liking Christmas this year and now he leaves me to solve it.

I feel drained because I have to do everything and he sometimes isolates from family life and family problems... and I currently I feel like saying "Okay, there is not going to be any tea party because I really do not want to organize one all on my own". It's a lot of stress when you have children and have to organize all that stuff... I think I need more discipline or a kick. I currently have a bad attitude.

I know that painting is good for him but currently I wish he would stop painting and help me.

Any ideas? How can I change my attitude.

 

[Never_falter2]

So my husband has PTSD and I do not have PTSD, but I had a difficult birth, than a good one and than another difficult one after which my doctor adviced me not to have any more children. Well... I have my hands full with the children I have and money is tight. We are not planning to add to our family... but ever since I had the crazy idea of rolling the dice once more.

I wrote another thread (nickname Crystal1234) which has to be approved by a mod yet about my husband painting an beautiful and tranquil picture?
It's highly unusual for him, because he, too, likes to roll the dice, like driving a motorcycle, bungee jumping and so on.

I don't want another child and I won't have one but it makes me feel like a coward and a quitter.

Do you know that crazy feeling?

 

[Anarchy]

Hi Crystal,
It sounds unfair to me too, especially that you get to do all of the work so that he gets to do nice stuff all of the time...

Please be very careful, you are right infront of a couple of nasty pit fall traps

The first is trying to please an older generation. You can not control their thoughts and trying to will only hurt you.
The second is if you try to manipulate the situation so your partner takes on a bigger role in the housework, the kids and his recovery

The bait above both of those traps is "because you care"

Is he in therapy?

Whether he is or not, a few visits to a relationship therapist would do you both good.

Your post reads as though you are sacrificing your happiness to try to make other people happy. Unfortunately that is a bumpy road to being unhappy, bitter, manipulative and unpleasant to be anywhere near. Please don't fall into that trap.

Check out the karpman drama triangle (a search will find plenty about it) where are you and where is your partner and where are the older generation on it currently? And where will you move to if you change anything? You need to learn how to get off that triangle, and get off it fast.

Get yourself a book on co dependency and openly read it (don't hide it, let Your partner, children and older relatives see that you are reading it, and let them look at it if they get curious)

See If you can get to see a relationship therapist ( hopefully together).

Good luck
@ (sufferer)

 

[Ronin]

Hi,

Would you mind explaining how the painting relates to your other question or your relationship?

I'm missing out on the context for that note and I think it would be easier to explain in one thread than link others that are yet in the line to be published. Thank you :)

 

[Never_falter2]

My question concerning the picture is actually pretty long and I have a hard time summarizing it. It is currently the first thread in the supporter general discussion.

 

[venom]

So my sufferer works a lot and is often away from home on a job. Someone here suggested that this was isolation....

*may contain poisoin i am sick-no harm intended,venom*

i dont know how to help i cant even speak. i wanna delete this.

i noticed/i think, no one, put anything, here, i dont know, how to use, this website but, some, information is better, than none, hopefully.

take anything, if it helps (or if not throw my words off a cliff.)

there is nothing wrong with your attitude, please stop smashing yourself up. you sound very stressed and i believe there is more to this than you have put. because you are not selfish. i dont know about male ptsd. but i assume its similar-ish but worse. i know little, about men,, and they frustrate me. but the alone thing, is very important ,to a man. i realise men really like to be alone. but you knew that cause ur not 21. i think he meant ,please leave me alone...but he put it as, you do the house, cause i do the work. rigid roles...hurt you. and it wud hurt me and anyone.

if i could help you see it through my eyes...maybe it cud help..ptsd stopped all my previous memory. i cudnt retrieve memories. (think back) then my brain went on another level. i was not crazy but it went weird. and this horrible emotion seeped through me worse than fear. it is made my brain faster and faster. then i started hearing things and seeing things from my past. then i had pictures/memories slam through my brain. i cudnt turn even if i turned my head. i got so busy thinking i didnt have time to socialise.... and went i wud i wanted to go back to thinking...because i felt like they were afar. they cudnt understand and i didnt want them too. i just wanted to sneak away and think. even though i hated the thinking. my heart went completly numb. i cudnt feel. um...

i really want you to stop hitting ur self its not a lack of discipline. it is you caring and being a 2016 jesus. i mean like self sacrafising...there doesnt sound like much left of a you. and you still smash urself. i do not know how to advise you but i wud hopefully not harm your life sending you the wrong way. do what feels right. my amyglada is messed up. try to express your feelings and not comply. i really wanna delete this now. like how many people do you support before you? and how many turn back? i really wanna delte this now. im uselss sry bye.


I think he has ptsd and wants to be alone. He feels justified by working the bacon and leaves the house to you. You are having trouble with the house for some reason not added...noone gives a f and helps you and you are doing everything and your going mental/stressed. Its not your attitude its tricky to be with someone with ptsd,,it took me 7 months to figure out that my bf was not just on the computer he was leaving me alone. I feel different i dont like humans they are not the same as where i am. I have no understanding of time too...hes offically destroyed and no one cares about either of you and i hate it. All you have is some cooked person at 11:04pm. You dont need kicking you need to be cared for as much as you care for others. N ur saying kick you////you are kicked as f. Much love and care<3 venum

 

[venom]

*may contain poisoin i am sick-no harm intended,venom*
i dont know how to help i cant even speak. i wann...

-amyglada @Fadeaway. (Fadeaway taught me this)

-your feelings matter...that was the main point. since you care more about your husband and children..and they cannot care back (numb and dependant) i trust you to make them emo's positive. or remove the bad things around that make u sad ect. i aint got no positive emo's. i came back cause i thought that never trust that to someone else. follow ur heart or sum s. i wud give the kids a jumping castle. and them to f off. then watch them from a hammock. with lemunaid. but u wudnt do that cause ur too kind. MUMMY TIME. plz?

 

[venom]

-amyglada @ Fadeaway. (Fadeaway taught me this)
-your feelings matter...that was the main point. since yo...

i just remembered christmas. what was wrong with it last time? what did he hate. maybe for example the tree set him off with a trigger. if you know exactly the main thing he hated...do the opposite. as long as that answer is not the problem. or do something you know he really likes...i dont know how to fix ptsd but the female version i have slightly killed by working on my inner critic. that killed the voice and the hallucinations. there isnt much info out there but the male version wud be different there has to be some way...its the most f-d disease ive ever seen apart from severe crippling and lethal diseases.

 

[Ronin]

@venom, perhaps you would get better support if making your own thread somewhere else?

That way, you'd get support, and the OP of this thread would have space in their thread to get the advice they wished for, as well.

 

[venom]

im guna go. i dont know if that was possible for you to understand. its 12:51am i have a sad life. now its 111am i cant think im asleep. this may probably not help. i aint ever been appriecated thats why i may be able to write all this cause i am female. you need a good human female around who isnt dodgy...i aint got any. bye

 

[venom]

@venom, perhaps you would get better support if making your own thread somewhere else?...

this website confuses me. badly. i dont know how to use forums. i will stop posting. i know theres a guide somewhere ill read that. i didnt mean to f it up

 

[Sweetpea76]

Let's keep this thread on track please.

@Never_falter , my vet hates the holidays and hates socializing. It stresses him out enough to make him sick.

I couldn't get him to help me with planning a party if I held a gun to his head. He just shuts down.

Perhaps he is more symptomatic this year and cannot handle the holidays? If so, you may just be on your own. It could be that he "can't", not he "won't", if that makes sense. It took me awhile to figure that out about PTSD.