Layout of Rooms - Back To The Walls, Doors In View

[mouse]

Evie,
I have been doing this for years I think it started when I was doing my military stint always be ready, now its cause I trust no one or nothing and am always looking for the quikest wasy out in case something bad happens, I even get to the point that I watch and analyze everyone that enters after I have arrived to see if they are a threat or not, My hubby hates that we alwasy sit by the door cause its colder there but at least I think I can get away when the time comes i need to

 

[mac]

The military teaches us to be aware of our surroundings, but this is a whole other perverse level of awareness... and it sucks!

 

[batgirl]

One thing I find kind of odd about it though is that, for me at least, I don't really do it at home much. I mean I guess I feel safe at home, but it's quite a noticeable difference. I can have my back to a door or window, etc. The only "precautions" I need to take are, the windows in the basement and first level have to be shuttered (I'm nervous if anyone can look in), I have to know where everyone is in the house at any given time, and anyone visiting or staying in my house has to be checked for weapons by me before they can enter. Otherwise, unless I'm having an anxiety attack or flashbacks, my house feels safe. I wish I could transfer that safe feeling I have at home to the rest of the world!

 

[anthony]

Your mind generally interprets your home as safe, hence why you don't do it at home. This is in your mind, nowhere else, and it can be changed, just as it was changed within your to how it is now. You must force yourself past your comfort levels, start small and keep at it daily. It starts from going outside each day, then shops for a coffee each day, then shopping centres, then stadiums, concerts, etc. I used to be all this and more, as mac mentioned for the issues related to military training and hypervigilance, yet I can go and sit in a stadium with 100,000 people now, no issues at all, with all the patience in the world. Why? Because I pushed myself past what my brain was telling me was comfortable, even past what my brain was telling me was distressing and painful, I didn't listen to my brain, and I focused on one thing, achieving my aim. That is the mindset you have to approach this with, nothing less...

 

[GR-ass]

Wheras at 'home' I am continually checking to make sure I can get away. My back is always to a wall (I tend to hug the walls when I walk around, if I sit in the lounge or at the table I need to have a free path to an exit)

My bedroom is set up so that I can see the door in my mirror. Couldn't set it up any other way. Oh and my bed is in the corner against the wall. I have kind of enclosed it into that corner by putting a 5' bookcase next to the head of the bed. If there is anyone else in the room I need to see what they are doinng, I need to keep them in sight all the time.

I think it is why I hate going to the shops, not only is there so many people but there is so many places for people to 'jump' out at me.

I know they don't actually jump out, that it is just hypervigilence kicking in. Just feel like it.

 

[becvan]

Hmms, I was thinking about this and I have one exception.. when I'm on my computer my back is to my door. However, it's the only place I can put it because of plug ins. Mind you many people on video chat have seen me come out of my skin if the dog barks or someone bangs on the door! LOL..

I guess it's one small step anyways!

bec

 

[Deleted member 93]

Wonder if things, not wonder I am sure it is. For those of us who were victims of ongoing domestic violence this may be key to our home arrangements. I have had forced entry into my home by my ex. I have been cornered in a kitchen on more than one occasion. So I would imagine that is why I found a need for escape routes within the home as I was pursued in the home often.

 

[becvan]

Absolutley, my home has been one of the more dangerous places I could be through most of my life.. lol yet now I barely leave it.. I've worked hard to try and make it a safe place.. so if only people would stop breaking into it I might make some progess there!

bec

 

[batgirl]

You must force yourself past your comfort levels, start small and keep at it daily. It starts from going outside each day, then shops for a coffee each day, then shopping centres, then stadiums, concerts, etc.

You're describing exposure therapy, right? I'm just starting that with my psychiatrist right now, although he's having me concentrate on the day of the shooting and the military triggers I have. Should I be doing exposure for this too, at the same time? Or is that too much, since I'm already working on other areas? When you were working on yourself, did you do a bit of everything at once?

I used to be all this and more, as mac mentioned for the issues related to military training and hypervigilance, yet I can go and sit in a stadium with 100,000 people now, no issues at all, with all the patience in the world.

That's really encouraging that you've been able to deal with it so well. I hope I can get to that point, too. I just feel a bit confused at the moment since there are so many things that trigger me and like I said, I'm not sure if I should be concentrating one at a time or all of them at once.

 

[Deleted member 93]

For me one thing at a time was how I had to do it. See, thing is it can be difficult to finally be able to handle one thing and keep up the exposure so not to slip back while you keep adding. Evie, work on what your doctor advices, not more right now. You are doing good.

 

[batgirl]

Thanks veiled. Yes, I don't want to overdo it. I have a tendency to want to do too much at once and then I just get worse. I'm happy to know you think I'm doing good though, thanks for that.

 

[Terry]

Me TOO. Been that way for as long as I can remember. Fight or flight thing. Did serve me well once. Cop buddy and our families were at Chillie's one night and the F*** that shot my buddy weeks before sat down right across from our table with some other thugs. Luckly we had previous plans for this type of situation. Family got up, went to the restrooms and then we cleared out the place. After the manager saw the thugs were armed we got free meals. I know some of the folks here will think (American cowboy's) but that's the way it is (reallity). Still bothers me though. Sit with my back to the wall and know every exit, wife knows what to do too.