Learning Hugs

[Skywatcher]

I know that I keep checking in periodically on my hug thread, but I wanted to share that she has now taught me how to hug parts of me (basically my trauma parts). When we are grounding after emdr, she asks me if I want to “hug them in.”

Okay.... so all those shows on tv making therapists seem super weird and stuff, this fits. However, it really helps. I feel like I am hugging my traumatized self. I can feel myself both giving and receiving the hug at literally two different ages. Probably because I haven’t integrated my trauma parts yet, but the benefit of comfort that hugs can have in both giving and receiving is huge! I don’t think I would have known these feelings if I hadn’t practiced so many hugs with my T.

At this point, I think that I like the hugs and how I feel from them in the moment. I can even imagine them later and feel comfort. The hard part now, is intimacy and vulnerability. It still scares the hell out of me. I sometimes think of these good feelings and start to panic. A couple weeks ago, right before the hug, I told her that we (me and younger parts) trust her and it led to a week of another part completely trying to unravel it by finding signs that she is dangerous. The appointment following was actually really good in our discussion of this and emdr brought me to age three. Followed by a hug in, that I chose, and a therapist hug from her that I felt three in because I kind of rested my head into her.

Still vulnerable.

 

[somerandomguy]

I haven't read the rest of the thread but have you tried butterfly hugs? It's where you hug yourself and tap yourself on the shoulders with alternating hands. Very calming.

My yoga studio ends every session with a group hug and then individual hugs. It took me 6 months to try the group hug and I still don't like it much. The individual hugs are still too much for me but I decided I'm ok with it.

 

[unbrokenwarrior]

I really struggle with hugs, I can hug my young niece and nephews. I love their cuddles but I cant hug anyone else. I really cant handle hugs from my mum any type of physical contact with her makes me extremely uncomfortable. I was never hugged as a child so any affection she tries to show me now feels weird. I dont think it's been mentioned in therapy yet and I dont know if my therapist would be open to hugs and I'd feel way too uncomfortable asking.

 

[Skywatcher]

@somerandomguy a “hug in” is a butterfly hug, but with a visualization added of which younger “part” I am hugging. The left right tapping doesn’t work too well for me, but I deeply feel it with pressure into me with my hands.

 

[Wendell_R]

Last August, I drew a picture of all my parts. Two of them were touching a little bit, the rest were smiling and looking out. My therapist asked me to draw a picture of how they interact, and I replied that that was how they interacted. Ten months later, I drew another picture, and it was dramatically different--lots of hugs and contact between the parts, and nobody looks left out or lonely.

I agree that learning intimacy with ourselves (which is frightening to me, too) is so important!

 

[Skywatcher]

Decided to check back on this post because I’m really missing my T’s hugs right now. Tele therapy due to Covid 19 is getting in the way. Hugs have become so important and valuable to me. We are also in a place where I actually trust her most days unless I get badly triggered in session. Wow. Maybe this was a good plan from the start. Risky, but it paid off.