Leaving House Makes Me On-edge, Hypervigilant, Paranoid.

[JSKarma]

Hi,

New to this lovely community and hoping to get some support. This thread stems off of my intro thread (can't post link as I don't have enough posts but it's in the intro section).

These are my 'symptoms' as posted in my intro thread:

I have never been able to leave my house without anxiety.
When I am out I am very paranoid and anxious.
I check the peep hole at least 50+ a day to make sure no one is trying to get in. I've tried to stop but I cannot.
If I think someone is following me when out, I assume they are scouting my place or planning on robbing me. So I circle until I 'deem it safe' to enter my place.
I'm too anxious to even take the garbage out, shovel, get mail etc.
I can barely feel comfortable of giving a cab my address.
I feel like everyone is out to get me.
I come up with all sorts of crazy scenarios. Like my girlfriend has a brand name purse so I think someone will see her come in and assume I'm rich or something and rob me. Goes beyond ridiculous.

I cannot go a day without thinking of what happened. It stresses me out. Makes me anxious.
Everyday I shadow box thinking of the scenario. It's all I think of when I work out.

Loud noises while at home cause me to stare through the peep hole or window in an obsessive fashion to make sure no one is coming after me. I forgot to mention this.

All of this has been going on since it happened. Some days are easier...but not a day goes without suffering thoughts...

Thank you for your time :)

 

[MagiLisu]

Hello,

I became mildly agoraphobic after my incident reach a climax. Over the years I have developed coping strategies which mostly work. I've not had a panic attack whilst out in a couple of years.

I still feel very anxious whilst out or when I am alone in the house but I try to distract myself or if that isn't possible I try to talk myself through my fears and anxieties and try to decide in my head if my worries are 'justified' or not.

If all else fails I will reach out for help, sometimes I need someone to talk me through my anxieties.

It has taken me a while and I still get very bad days but I have found various ways of coping until I get a chance to talk to my therapist.

 

[JSKarma]

I find that deciding whether or not my worries are justified does help.

Talking is something new to me. I've never opened up to anyone about this (significant other aside but even then it's hard)

My anxiety/panic attacks consist of huge adrenaline rushes, obsessive thoughts and thought loops. Fight or flight essentially. Whether I'm indoors or outdoors.

 

[MagiLisu]

Talking is something new to me. I've never opened up to anyone about this (significant other aside but even then it's hard)

I've had to learn to open up and talk to people. It doesn't come naturally to me, my natural reaction to shut down and isolate myself. This is something therapist has helped me do.

Gradually over time you will learn to not only manage your panic attacks but also prevent them :).

 

[piratelady]

It is difficult to do, but a therapist once told me that when we get into a fight or flight response it is because we are reacting emotionally. What we have to do is try to recognize that and then think rationally about whatever it is we are afraid of. Assess the situation and try to determine rationally if the fear is necessary. Thinking about it with the other part of your brain (using your rationale) is supposed to help with the anxiety. It helps me sometimes, but it is difficult.

 

[Hashi]

Talking is something new to me. I've never opened up to anyone about this (significant other aside but even then it's hard)

I have Obsessive Compulsive Disorder so I have a lot of anxiety about things which I know logically are not justified worries. It's really hard for me to talk about it because I feel so much shame. I know I "shouldn't be like that" and that most other people aren't. I feel defective and stupid.

My therapist is very good at normalising it for me, as a symptom of anxiety . It does help to talk about it, difficult as that is.

 

[JadedGhost13]

There was a time when I could not leave my house. My situation was not at bad as yours sounds, but it was bad. I just COULD NOT go, COULD NOT leave. I got really good at getting people to get things for me and really good at ordering things on the internet so I did NOT have to leave the house. This went on nearly a year.

A good thing came out of it, my husband learned how to do the shopping! This is a man who did not KNOW what the inside of a grocery store looked like much less how to get the things we needed.

But for me I would get very anxious if I was forced to leave home and eventually I was forced to leave home. My husband said ENOUGH was ENOUGH. I refused to go eat dinner, I would tell him to just get a go plate or curbside pickup.

So When ENOUGH was ENOUGH, I started slow. I would go with him to the store. Then we worked our way up to just going for a drive, we then worked up to eating dinner in an actual establishment. I always held my head down and would not speak. But I WAS getting out. Eventually over a period of a few months I was able to make a run to the store alone, and now I can pretty much go anywhere and I am OK. But it took time.

From time to time I feel myself slipping back into that situation and I do take advantage of letting someone make runs for me. But then I will see it when I look in my journal, and realize what I did and I will snap back out of it out of guilt.

But I DO know the paranoid feeling. I live in a town I am not from, and it is a small town. So YES they probably were staring at me, wondering who this person was. But I just had to learn to look them in the eye and smile at them.

I really hope that you work hard on getting out more and maybe you can get some help from your T or some kind of meds that can help with those feelings you are having. I KNOW it is not an easy feeling, but you must work through it because we ALL have to get out and about, it is good for us to get out and about and around people and take in the fresh air and smells that are out there in the world. To see the architecture, to be a part of the world.

 

[Chincho]

These days, leaving my house means going out to the back garden.

I only actually leave my house to go see my T or my psychiatrist. And when I absolutely have to go somewhere personally, like the bank, my husband or one of my sons goes with me, and if possible, also my dog.

I'm working hard on getting out, but some days even standing on the sidewalk is too much.

 

[Spiderallis]

So I circle until I 'deem it safe' to enter my place.

I relate to a lot of your post- but that line, wow. I'm not far from a police station so when I'm really worried that someone is following I'll go out of my way to loop through their parking lot. Haven't needed to in a while, but I'm also not getting out much.

The gradual approach a few folks have mentioned works well, build up your comfort and confidence with little steps towards where you'd like to be. Perhaps a pepper spray keychain would help you feel more protected? It sounds silly, but dressing a bit rough-and-tough makes me feel better.

 

[JSKarma]

I've had to learn to open up and talk to people ...

Thank you :)

It is difficult to do, but a therapist once told me that when we get into a fight or flight response it is because we are reacting emotionally ...

I've gotten a tad better at this, I am better at stopping my self and trying to think logically...although logic can be foggy sometimes.

I have Obsessive Compulsive Disorder so I have a lot of anxiety about things ...

*sigh* yes, trying to make myself not feel like a coward is the hard part...

There was a time when I could not leave my house. My situation was not at bad as yours sounds, but it was bad. I just COULD NOT go, COULD NOT leave ...

See, that's why I should be doing....going out randomly to "confront" this. But sometimes it's so hard. I'll get my GF to come grocery shopping, get her to walk the dog, get her to do what I AM supposed to be doing.
I'm glad to hear that forcing yourself to go out helped as this is something I was actually going ask if I should do.

What I wanted to do was do a walk with my dog at 8:30 everyday. Basically an extra night walk. When it's dark my triggers are more prone to go off so I feel like this would help me as you mentioned. What do you think?

These days, leaving my house means going out to the back garden ...

Standing still outside is a really really bad trigger for me.
How is forcing yourself to go out working for you?

I relate to a lot of your post- but that line, wow ...

Likewise, your posts sounds just like me!

For me it's the fire station, the firefighters are usually always visible and it just gives me such a sense of safety sometimes so I walk my dog closer towards there.

I also dress "worn and torn" clothes to not seem like a "target".

The park is the hard part....actually got to a point where I carried a small kitchen knife in my shoe/sock. The pepper spray seems like a pretty normal thing for people to carry...a knife not so much (though I stopped doing this).

Pepper spray is feeling like a good idea. Common thing to carry....nothing "crazy".

Side note: this is getting easier to talk about...much love to everyone. and I hope I got the quoting rules right :cool:

 

[JSKarma]

Just an update. I will be doing a walk in about 30 minutes.

I very rarely walk my dog past this time because of the insane amount of triggers out there at this time especially on a Friday night...will report back.

An extra walk a day, keeps the anxiety away?

 

[Spiderallis]

Hope you have a nice walk, sounds like you're working hard to get past the anxiety, great job!