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Leaving House Makes Me On-edge, Hypervigilant, Paranoid.

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I think taking the dog out at night would be good. At first you may feel uncomfortable, but start out with a short walk and then add to it a little at a time to get your confidence back up.

It is NOT easy, but you CAN do this!

Back when I had problems leaving home I was not diagnosed and so I had no clue as to what my issues were and how to deal with them. I am just lucky that I have people to push me. And thats what it took... people pushing me. But it worked. I go all over now! I still get edgy, but I just take deep breaths and push through.
 
I have problems leaving my house too. I often stay in. When my symptoms were in its peak, it was hard to even go out with my own mother to have a nice meal. My hands trembled so bad to even pick up a fork. Then Id have to order a drink to calm my nerves. Sometimes I feel people can notice how bad I'm stressing just to pay the clerk at grocery stores. It feels devastating that simple tasks get to be so difficult. I have to remind myself that most people are usually more self concerned and that I'm not on-stage performing. They aren't going to obsess about "the anxious girl at the cashier stand" all day and probably won't even remember me once they are done running their errands. Loud noises scare the crap outta me. My heart almost jumps outta my body. But loud noises have scared me since I was little. Had to watch the fireworks from inside the car with a blankie on fourth of july as a kid. Sometimes just saying to someone "I'm feeling a lil jumpy today" or "I don't know what's up today. i'm feeling a lil on edge" in a joking manner kinda helps.
 
I have been using vodka to be able to leave the house without freaking out. That is, my truth. I need to stop that and find another coping tool. I was using the leave the house with a safe person tool, until my safe person pissed me off trying to take my choices (control) away from me. I went off on them in the grocery store. I have not been to a grocery store in almost a year.
 
I spent years being what I suppose would have been agoraphobic. From about the age of 21 to about 26 was when it was at its most intense. The longest amount of time I went without leaving my house (not even to get the mail) was four months. I would make plans to meet with people or to go out with my husband (now ex) and daughter, only to back out at the last minute and get extremely defensive, angry, irrational, if I was pressured or asked why I didn't want to go out. I would refuse to answer the door, refused to answer the phone, was terrified of leaving the house. I didn't want to deal with all the things 'out there'. My personal hell was in my head and it took up every bit of space in my head that it could find; I couldn't handle adding any extra stress to my already awfully stressed state of mind. Most days, I couldn't even deal with cooking an extremely basic meal, light cleaning, washing dishes, even stacking dishes in the dishwasher. I was in a perpetual state of anxiety, fear, numbness. I was just a complete and utter mess.

I've worked through the worst of that, thank god, though it still rears its head: I still have intense anxiety if there's someone at the door, I still suffer intense anxiety when the phone rings, some days I literally cannot get out of bed except to go to the toilet. I'm a lot better but I'm a long way from being the functional person I should be.
 
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