Leaving My Wife

[Kvet]

hey guys

little bout my self, 12 years Canadian army, 3 infantry and 9 combat engineer.
I have severe ptsd, depression, bipolar, and anxiety disorder.
3 years ago I attempted to kill myself by eating every single Ativan I could find, being that I'm here to type this I obviously pulled through but had to spend a few weeks in the mental hospital.
been married 7 years, wife is a big fancy lawyer.
anyways there were a few red flags prior to getting married and deploying to Afghanistan but I now think I saw dollar signs and ignored them. after returning from overseas I turned into a complete savage drinking myself to the point of swimming in my own vomit. now I'm gonna let you guys in on something ive never told anyone, I had kicked around the idea of getting out of the army and starting a family with my wife. well all my family and friends know that. what no one knows is the first time I tasted combat and got that shot of adrenaline, all bets were off, I was staying in the army and divorcing my wife and being a career soldier. well anyways I got back and problems started happening, first warning sign was I had a few drinks, well actually a lot and started an argument with my wife and ended up crying on the floor about who knows what. I told my wife that it would never happen again. a few days later I got completely loser drunk and told my wife I wanted a divorce. the next morning I woke up on the floor as she was walking out the door with a suitcase, i don't know why as i wanted a divorce but i crawled after her and pleaded for her to stay and said i would talk to the doctor on base. sure enough i got diagnosed with all the fun things i mentioned earlier. the symptoms really started after that and i don't wanna get into it but i think everything that could have happened to me happened, that's how it feels anyways. fml. essentially ive been dealing with that for the past 6 years.

now on the surface my wife appears to be supportive as she has advocated for me on multiple occasions. under the surface she is controlling manipulative and emotionally abusive. i did about 17 tests oline and everyone said I'm suffering emotional abuse (i didn't even know there was such a thing), i could type everything she does to make my point but it would make my fingers catch on fire. ill just say i suffer complete disrespect o my person, as a husband, and as an injured war vet. ive been severely unhappy obviously because of this and cannot maintain being married anymore. have not broken it to my wife yet.

dunno why I'm typing all this, guess I'm looking for advice on this, has any dealt with an abusive spouse while having ptsd.
also having a shitload of anxiety about breaking it to my wife, gonna have the truck packed and ready to go but that's all i got figured out.

i feel completely like an asshole as we have a 5 year old autistic son.

that said its better for him to see me some of the time rather than never because i offed myself due to this

I'm not planning to do myself in though, i actually feel the best ive felt in years at the prospect of going through with it (the divorce)

theres also other physical reactions to the ptsd that have stopped the last few days, I'm thinking because of my decision.

sorry if i rambled or put too much detail

thanks

 

[Kvet]

should also mention ive tried for years to get her to therapy along with many therapists I have been seeing, her answer is always no and no reason is ever given

 

[Grizzly]

Good luck. Sounds like you aren't getting the support you need. If you feel better then this is a positive step.

 

[vikingr24]

I am going through the same thing, maybe a bit different. One rule: never pull the divorce card unless you really mean it. You are right to seek marriage counseling but make sure you get the right therapist.

I did not see where you were seeking therapy. Maybe I missed it but you need a therapist. You need to get off the bottle, especially when I see bipolar. Work on yourself before you work on her. Then she will see the man she saw that made her marry you. And other woman will do the same.

Good luck with it.

 

[Deleted member 43454]

I can't say what's best for you but if you're experiencing emotional abuse on her part then you gotta do what you gotta do.
I wouldn't know how to argue with a lawyer, personally lol.
But the booze is the battle you must confront now.
Take some time to gather yourself.
To get off the booze and as you said you will still be there for your son.
As my old drill told me when I got back, "Alcohol only compounds the problems."

 

[Raven]

You seem indecisive about what you want, and that's normal for PTSD but it's just cruel to drag someone else into your indecisiveness.

Most women are manipulative. With the way I wield guilt like a weapon, they should have allowed me into the infantry. *snerk* I think it's how we are raised and conditioned. Saying that a spouse is controlling is very vague. I think everyone in a long term relationship has thought their partner controlling at some point or another.

The emotional abuse, however, is troubling; is she aware that you feel this way? Have you called her out on it? If she's too narcissistic to realize it or even give a shit, then walk away without indecision. If she detects any weakness or lack of determination in your decision, she will exploit it.

*A lot of lawyers are Narcissists--my entire family practices law--and Narcissists don't even think of it as emotional abuse because in their minds, they are always right.