Letter To My Mother

[Tif]

Mom,

I don't think I can spend any more time with you.

The worst day of my life was my 16th birthday. Every time you say you'll have peace at any cost, I know that really means any cost except keeping your promise to me. It tears me apart that you didn't love me enough to keep that one simple promise and that you blame me for everything that's happened.

And when you do, I feel like I'm 16 again, sitting at home, waiting for you, wondering where you are, thinking you're out with my sisters getting a cake or a last-minute birthday gift. I always thought you loved me. I always believed you loved me. When you abandoned me and took my sisters out for a great birthday without me, you showed your true colors. You taught my sisters that it is okay to hurt each other. When I started cutting after that, it was because for the first time in my life I knew that no one loved me. Not my abusive father, not my neglectful drunk mother, not the sisters who didn't even wish me a happy birthday. And still, you blame me for everything and you're the victim, even in that.

I wish I never knew you.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

I'm so sorry...

My mom is the same in that she likes to play the victim. I tried to tell her how much she hurt me and she turned it all around, saying she was the one who was hurting and that she couldn't believe she had a daughter who doesn't care about anyone else.

I struggle to get away. I hate her.

You're not alone.

 

[just me here]

Father,

I remember how you treated me. I know you had hoped that I would leave it behind and let you pass but you are not that lucky- I remember who you were and I know who you are.

I choose to no longer ignore the knowledge that we have no love for each other. I am willing to accept the truth that you saw me as a debt to be paid. I am willing to accept the truth that you were happy to see me leave home early like an early pay off for yourself in return for an incomplete childhood for me. I am willing to just let it be what it is with no desire to go back and try to make it better or residual anger for the things I cannot change.

Coming back into my life as an old man needing care and playing the family card to get it will not work. The life you have lead will have some consequences and one of them is that I no longer seek the approval and love you never gave me. I owe you nothing. What I had to give you freely you did not want. What you should have given me you did not have.

Thats the way it is. You can struggle against it, play the guilt card, appeal to a sense of family, the threat of hell and damnation, the promise of monetary reward and the threat of witholding even that, play the game out till it is over for you as it is over for me. The only wish I have is that you will be able to come to a peace with yourself that is real. I have and it is great.

This is not something that you can change in the time you have left so get used to it and stop trying to pretend the past never happened.

An ex son.

 

[Deleted member 20280]

Dear mum,

I was born and raised by you, when I was just a babe in arms your abuse of me shaped me into the man I am today. A mess of an adult because of the way both you and others treated me at such a young age. You destroyed me as a child but I will no longer allow you to destroy me as a man.

This is my final message mum. Thankyou for beating me as a baby. I would not be the man I am today if you hadn't.

I will move on now and stride forward in life with clear goals and achievable aims without you at the forefront of my mind.

Thankyou mum for finally releasing me from the torment you made me suffer for so many years. I am finally whole now and can hold my head up high.

Ps, I won't be ringing you or coming to see you anymore, goodbye mum once and for all.

 

[Tif]

Thank you all for your support and for writing your own letters. Sometimes just getting these things out in the open where others can see it helps me so much.

 

[who am i kim]

Dear Mum
I love you, but your denial of my needs as a child has left me in a mess and has scarred my life to this day. You still live in this denial and bury your head in the sand that you did any harm to me. Hence the reason that I want very little contact with you is that I do not want you ever controlling my life again or fall into your clutches again. You always phone me why can't you let me call you when I am ready. Why is there this need to phone and hear my voice. I do not say much to you as there is no point, just yes or no and make the phone call from her brief. As I said I love you but I need you open up to the truth of the past. But I know that is never going to happen. Hence my avoidance of your wishes and needs. It is mine turn now.