Sufferer Life Time Of Dealing With Ptsd And Ready For Change.

[silently suffering]

Hello, my name is Jessica. I'm 25 years old. I've never done anything like this and am quite nervous about it, but I am hoping for the best. I have been in talk and EMDR therapy since May. It has been the hardest and the best thing I've ever done.

I can't remember a time when I haven't struggled with PTSD. I have been sexually, physically, and emotionally abused since I was an infant. I had multiple offenders, 6 of which were family members. I have cut myself in the past to cope with what was happening and I've also tried to kill myself 3 different times as a teenager. I finally reached out for help after I left my abusive husband in April.

It has been an extremely difficult road thus far, but I am determined to move on with life and find happiness.

 

[SuperAnxietyGirl]

Welcome. I am new here too. I am so sorry for what you went through and I hope this place is helpful for you.:)

 

[arfie]

Hello, my silent friend. Sorry for what brings you here, but glad you are here.

We share a similar history. I started therapy 7 years before I got married and I believe that is what saved me from the abusive husband part of the herstory. That and my combat training. :rolleyes: US Army, Viet Nam era.

Healing happens and it can happen to you. You certainly sound like you are on a solid path for it. I look forward to seeing you around. Welcome to the forum.

 

[silently suffering]

Thank you both. I look forward to getting to know supportive people along this jerouny of healing :)

 

[crazy8]

Iv never done anything like this and am quite nervous about it, but i am hoping for the best.

I am willing to bet that nearly everyone on this forum and anyone diagnosed with PTSD has identified with this feeling at some point (I certainly have).

Welcome :-)

 

[PearBlossom]

Welcome... similar, long, abusive history with a memory of CSA at around 2yo. :/ I flipped out so bad in my teen years that I was fortunate to get therapy (not PTSD therapy, but therapy none the less) that kept me from some of the worst of it. Diagnosed in my mid-20s and entered PTSD specific therapy at 40. This is a great place to go where people "get it" when nobody else on earth does.

 

[silently suffering]

How long have you been in therapy pear blossom? Have you tried EMDR? I've been going to therapy for about 5 months now. It has been tough to have all the memories I've stuffed down come bubbling to the surface. It feels like I'm being traumatized all over again. Any suggestions?

 

[Alexa]

Welcome. I am new here too. I am so sorry for what you went through and I hope this place is helpful for you.:)

I'm soo sorry you had to go through all that abuse, one person one time is enough. But now you're here, and you're not a victim anymore because you are living your life other people would've given up after that happened to them by two,people let alone SIX (is it seven including your ex-husband?,and it continued on and on for you! Just The fact that you left your abusive husband, shows a lot! Because you grew up with abuse surrounding you it seems almost everyone around you was abusing you and in all different ways, but you still knew it was wrong and that you didn't have to put up with that and you faced it head on, Left, and got help... you are a warrior! Remember that. You may feel weak sometimes (Idk if you ever do but if so)or think you're weak because of those situations...but you are the exact opposite you are incredibly strong and inspirational! I hope that your life gets better and better and you find out what true love really is and feels like (if you haven't already)! Remember you are only stronger because you survived those horrific situations, and when your ready, and IF you want to, you should be a speak publicly about what you went through and how to help people who are current victims of abuse! Your strength might just help another woman or man get out in time! Once again I HAVE to say you are a warrior!

 

[silently suffering]

Thank you so much Alexa!!! Yes my ex husband is number 6, I also had a friend date rape me. Thank you so much for your inspiring words, you have no idea how much they mean :) I don't know if I would ever be able to speak publicly about my history. Maybe someday :).

Lately I feel weak most of the time but I just keep trucking along. I don't want to feel like a broken record but thats why we're here right? I joined this site because I don't have anybody I can talk to about the hard stuff. After I left my husband I stayed my husband's sister and husband. We were really close and I didn't have anywhere to go. After living with them for 3 months my brother in-law sexually assaulted me and wanted me to live with him and his wife as their second wife...needless to say I have had a really bad last few months.

I feel like I got pushed down the mountain of life yet again and as hard as I keep trying I can't quite pull myself back up again. I know I will find good support here with people who will understand how I feel. Thank you again for your encouragement <3

 

[PearBlossom]

I have not yet done EMDR but my current therapist does it. I've been in general therapy for 25 years including several years of marital therapy. I only entered PTSD therapy in May of this year. And the only thing that helps me at all is doing focused meditation daily--every morning. I bought the Chopra "Freedom to Love" 21-day challenge (after doing it when they ran it for free). I just keep running through it over and over again. It's kind of a way to train my brain from being on autopilot to being under my control. It definitely helps somewhat with my reaction. I only know because when I go too long without my daily meditation, it shows in how I manage my daily life.

 

[silently suffering]

Thank you :) that is a great idea! That's what Im having a hard time with right now. Managing my day to day tasks. I just started my 3rd year in college and am working part time. The added load of school has been very hard for me.

We've done a lot of hard work in therapy too. The work we've done has put my head in a major fog and I am having a hard time coming out of it. Hopefully your suggestion will help. Thank you again. :)

 

[intothelight]

Hi Jessica,

Welcome to MyPTSD forum! :)

Making that initial posts is one of the hardest steps to take, but I hope you find this forum beneficial to your healing. There is also a sister forum you may find helpful: MyDomesticViolence.com.

Wishing you the best.

Debbie