Looks from men....

[Deleted member 44579]

I don't like the way men look at me... Not all the time... My anniversary is coming soon and I have been extremely stressed.
It feels intrusive, uncomfortable.... And I don't f*cking like it. Anyway else feel like this. Sorry to the guys on here....

 

[EveHarrington]

Yes, sometimes I feel like this. It makes me feel dirty inside when guys look at me a certain way. This is why I tend to zone out in public, or cover myself so that there isn’t a reason for them to leer at me. :(

 

[Friday]

I don’t care about desire, surprise, curiosity, or interest. I do care about disdain, disgust, boredom, & forced politeness.

Appreciation in my experience, in any form, is infinitely easier to work with than antagonism. It’s not always harmless, just easier, to not start off as the enemy.

With women it’s a bit different. Men tend towards instant aggression when they don’t like what’s in front of them, whilst women go off and plot. Women tend towards aggression when they do like what’s in front of them, whilst men settle in for the chase.

So vive la différeance has some pretty strong indicators on what I have to deal with, when. Right now? If I want elbow room? That’s being liked by men & disliked by women. Because it creates instant space. Long term? Liked by men & disliked by women is going to complicate my life. Conversely, being disliked by men & liked by women, means I’m going to have people up my ass in the now. Which tends to create some aggression on my own side of things, trying to clear elbow room.

Sigh. People. There’s good reason why when I’m not up to dealing with them I tend to hide under a rock. Go away. All y’all. Vamos. Vamoose!

Mostly, though, I try to take my own state of mind into account. What am I up for? And then do that.

 

[Abstract]

Yes, I relate.

There are times when evaluating stares from woman set me off the same way. I can perceive it as predatory. Subconsciously, at times, can get creeped out from anyone depending on what is going on for me. Its certain expressions that are the worst.

Had to force myself to change the way I dressed at a certain point as realised I was basically walking around trying to hide under the equivalent of a paper bag or potato sack. Its a form of somatising trauma I think. In truth your body isn't the cause of aggression. Its the innocent party.

One thing I do is imagine an invisible bubble surrounding me. Deflecting others energy off me. Creating personal space for me.

 

[Strangelongtrip]

Yes, I feel this way often. Either gender as I’ve been assaulted by both, but when I appeared more feminine it was mostly men. Now it’s mostly women and I thought that would help but it doesn’t do anything, still feel that way. I used to love the “look” before my most traumatic events. I went to a lot of raves my senior year of high school. I loved seeing a few guys and girls and nonbinary people watch me dance and I knew that they wanted to dance with me, kiss me etc. At the time I hadn’t remembered my childhood abuse and sort of just let whoever do whatever. I guess I thought if I had no boundaries and just let it happen it wouldn’t be as bad.

Then the abusive ex, sexual abuse, and being groped at a club and the last time I dared venture out to a rave I was stuck in a state of freeze. I felt like a barrel of chum in shark infested waters, like any minute someone would gobble me up. I have boundaries now too, but I’m in constant fear of them being violated.

@Abstract I’m finally emerging from my potato sacks haha. It’s been about a year like that.

 

[Abstract]

@Strangelongtrip Ha! Its an interesting one isn't it? Equal parts of fear, liberation, desire to hide and desire to be free. Starting with just massive amounts of fear. For me anyway. Been a while for me now. Occasionally still have to resist the desire to hide. I refuse to put a label on my forehead saying "poor self esteem and have issues". Trying to say "I love me and I know who I am". Fake it till you make it.

 

[Muttly]

For me too, it's either gender. And I'm in a place right now, where it's hard to deal. I feel my skin crawl.

 

[Anarchy]

From a (probably far older) male viewpoint

I know that it probably doesn't feel like it

But it may be that some of the people are genuinely friendly and in it for the long term and wi respect you, rather than predatory and coercive.

That said
I don't know how to reliably differentiate between the two except by experienc

 

[Abstract]

Oh sadly I know that some looks are merely just innocently admiring (that can get me too) but that doesnt mean it cant set me off. And obvious leery stuff is a different matter of course. Especially if the person is giving off physical threatening vibes. It depends on how symptomatic I am and of course with this stuff there doesn't seem to be a reason why one time just has such a big effect and the next not. Its not my logical brain that has an issue with it usually. Its just a flash of response.

 

[Skywatcher]

I look back at my twenties. I would rollerblade in the Park for exercise. It was hot out, but I always wore something over my conservative sports bra. I always felt naked in a two piece. I didn’t want people to look at my body. This was a few years after my young adult Big trauma. The thing is, when your trauma involves him studying you, Telling you what to do... Now enter middle age and my most recent freeze reaction was at the dermatologist. Just no solutions. I can’t handle anyone looking at my skin.