Losing my therapist too early

[samson]

Hi Community. I haven't been on these boards for quite a while. A couple of weeks ago, my therapist announced to me (and others I know) that he is taking a "break" for a couple of months and by then will make a decision if this break is temporary or permanent. We have been working together using emdr for 5 years and have cleared alot of memories and I have a better quality of life, but I can't get over this. I rallied for a few days, but have fallen back into grief and terror. I had a PTSD nightmare last night and I feel so freaking alone today it's causing me to sprial. Has anyone had to manage the loss of a therapist? Any coping skills would be greatly appreciated.

 

[Eagle3]

I'm having to deal with this one right now. I'm moving out of state, and my therapist can't come with me. While I'm not ready to lose him because of all the safe-touch work I still need, I will have access to him by phone for as long as I can afford to call him, which won't be very often. I'm also having to give up one of my dogs for this endeavor, so I'm losing a lot of support all at the same time. The stress is astronomical right now, with lots of triggers, but T is giving me extra sessions until I leave. We're really needing this move to work.

So yeah, I feel you. These losses hurt like hell, but circumstances can't be changed. We just take things one day at a time, appreciate T for all the help they've been and all the support they still offer, and take the lessons learned onto the next adventure. I say this while sobbing for the last 5 days over all the losses and unknowns I'm facing....Hugs if you accept them. You aren't alone here.

 

[trying to heal]

I recently went through the loss of my T (I had 1 session to deal with the news she was finishing up) and it hurts like hell. Ive been spiralling down pretty badly ever since. The new T i was referred to isnt working out and so now I have no one. Not sure what advice to give you. ... Maybe see if your T can recommend some new T's in the area you are moving too and do a really good hand over so you don't have a messy transition?

 

[DharmaGirl]

I too went through this. It took me a long time to recover because it was done in a bad way. I developed a self-care routine, and made myself stick to it. I suffered a lot, but I got through it. I worked outside a lot, gardened, bought chicks and built coops, started selling eggs, cried, felt like shit, listened to books on tape while coloring, meditated, medicated, took care of my appearance, ate good foods. If you can do one thing a day to get better, soon you will be able to do two, then more.

It's going to take time. I also started a journal where I wrote to him every day. Not that he would get them, but part of his therapy was to have me write something to him every day, then send it once a week. That was not a good idea. It really blurred the lines between therapist and friend. Anyway, I continued to do this after he left, and it did make a difference. It's been 2 1/2 years, I think, and I haven't written in the journal for 6 months. Since he is well known in this area, and loved by all his colleagues, I don't feel as if I can process this with anyone. The one therapist I saw that didn't know him wanted to report him for things I won't say on this board. I said no, but he said he would talk to his supervisor and he would do what he needed to do and I didn't have to worry. That made it worse.

I empathize with what you are going through, and hope you are able to process this and come out stronger.

 

[AnotherUser]

I think this kind of thing is why therapists struggle to get us to trust them, like mine did for months. Now that I have, I have to accept that another human being has a huge and central influence in my life...that they can move, die, or in some way exit my life after I struggled to make that commitment to work with them.

I left for another country and continued on Skype with my T, but she did say that there were phases of therapy she would not be willing to go through with me in that way. For that and other reasons, I am in the long process of moving back (I left the country shortly after I first met her, when our relationship was not significant).

I feel for you.

 

[DharmaGirl]

How is this going @samson? Are you doing ok?