Lost, Angry And Depressed

[Thttec5]

I was in army basic training for 9 months and ended up injured. After being called worthless and a bunch of other words for so long I began to believe it. The thing that got me most was seeing two friends commit suicide. I feel lonely, disconnected to anyone close to me and very angry.

I am looking for help because I have had a few events in my life happen and I am starting to really scare myself and feel I am cracking up. I just recently started having flashbacks I feel anxious and vulnerable, and since my divorce I feel unloved and incapable of loving and that scares me the most.

I really do not know what to do at this point. I talked to my doctor who gave me Prozac but I am avoiding taking that because I do not want worsening symptoms. I feel like I am at the end of my rope after trying to deal with failure and hopelessness for 4 years now.

Thanks for reading and any advise is appreciated.

- mike

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[Lady of Longbourn]

Welcome to the forum Mike. :)

I am sorry you had to deal with that. It must have been horrible that you had to see that and were treated like that.

You should probably talk to your doctor about how you feel about taking your medication.

Hang in there.

 

[intothelight]

Hi Mike,

Welcome to the PTSD Forum. The feelings you have described are all too common with PTSD, but it does get better. Therapy is a great tool, and this forum provides a lot of information and support from other members as you work on healing.

Take care and post as you feel comfortable.
Debbie

 

[PhilipH]

Welcome Mike.

 

[Srain]

Welcome to the Forum Mike,

I'm so sorry for your losses. It sounds like you have been through a lot. I'm glad you've found this site, there is a lot of support and information here. I agree that the right therapist would be very helpful with all that you are dealing with. Take good care of yourself and know that you are not alone.

peace,
Rain

 

[Loloma]

Welcome Mike,

You are definitely in the right place here, where members are supportive and care about your PTSD problems. It's a great support tool. Your not a failure, look after yourself. All the best.

Loloma:)

 

[jostle]

Hi Mike,
Welcome. In regards to medication, I've had lots of depressions/disconnections over the years and anti-ds to seem to have helped me weather each crisis. For me they dampen down any suicidal feelings allowing me to at least survive until I can work out what has triggered off my symptoms in the first place. So that's my experience.

I too have lost family members/other people to suicide. It's an extremely had thing to go through. Not sure about where you live but in parts of my country there are support groups for people who have lost someone to suicide, so that might be a possibility. Also there are some excellent books out there about coping with this issue.

Hope you find the site really helpful. :)

 

[Sandra]

Welcome to the forum.

 

[Thttec5]

Thank you all sooo much I am glad I found this site. It seems to offer hope and a safe place I appreciate all you words of comfort and support.

 

[Iam]

HI Mike. A BIG WARM welcome to the forum. Wow, you have been thru a lot. I am so sorry that you've had to endure so much. My oldest son had to leave the army part way thru boot camp too. It was so hard on him emotionally. He was very depressed for awhile. Throw in the tragic loss of your friends and the other traumas you alluded to....well it's no wonder you're having a tough time.

As far as your medication goes...I know exactly how you feel. I actually hated needing to take them. You need to be working closely with your dr on this. He needs to know that you are not taking the prozac and why. You won't know if it helps or worsens your symptoms until you try it. If it doesn't help you and your Dr. can try a different medication. There are many out there and sometimes it takes a little experimenting to find the right one. I would suggest that you find a good trauma therapist as well. Medication is only to help balance your emotions which will make it easier to work through therapy. It's in therapy that you can process your emotions and learn new coping skills.

You'll find a lot of support and information here. It's a good place to be.

Wishing you the best in your journey of healing.

 

[Megan]

Welcome to the forum. I am going through almost the same thing. but mine has been brought on from bullying since i was in the 5th grade (i graduated college 2 years ago). I hope we both can get back to who we once were... there IS hope even though we may not see it right now.. you just took the first step in getting back to who you were: you joined this forum.

 

[Thttec5]

It's crackup me but every time I start getting depressed or upset I think about this site and it truly helps alot knowing you all are out therefor me to talk to and just makes the day a bit easier thank you all.