Relationship Lost The Fight

[JSTANLEY]

Thanks everyone for your words of encouragement. Although my words may sound so mature and strong, I am certainly not doing so well. I didn't mention this before, but also in this horrible situation is our two childre a 3 year old girl and a 7 year old boy. My son is devastated and struggling to make sense of the situation, it is heartbreaking as a mom to know that I can not take his pain away or do anything but reassure him that it will be ok. I am trying my best but somedays I just find it so difficult. Most mornings it is a struggle just to get up and get moving, all I want to do is lay in bed and feel sorry for myself. Scott on the other hand, is never home, he hasn't moved out yet, he doesn't get possession of his new home for another 2 weeks. So this does intensify the situation as he is blaming me for causing more stress to the situation when I really am not doing anything wrong. He is spending all his time away from home going to hockey games and the gym and work and just anywhere but here. I know that he is leaving and it is going to be like this eventually but it is terribly hard on all of us to watch him come and go.

My heart still completely loves him, when I know I need to let go, cause I am not recieving any love in return. He is making it so easy to let go but yet there is a little hope for something more, and that little hope is really pointless. I am working through this day by day but overall it is the hardest thing I have ever had to do.

To make the hurt even worse, someone who I thought was my friend (for 14 years) betrayed me and is now spending time with Scott. He says that he has feelings for her, this crushes me as it would anyone, but I just keep trying to reassure myself that he isn't capable of loving anyone right now, especially when he is leaving his own family and she has a family of her own (3 kids with 3 different fathers and only one father has anything to do with any of them) just a bad situation all the way around, and I find it hard to think that he is going to want to play Daddy to them when he has two of his own he is leaving.

I am sorry for unloading, I just really needed to talk about it as I am crushed. First off the man I love is leaving me and secondly someone I thought was my friend is trying to catch him when he falls.
So again I thank everyone for their kind words, it is so special to know that you believe in me.

 

[Farine]

JStanley,

Thanks for coming back to the discussion - as you can see - it helps! We.. I . do believe you in you :) And this kind of betrayal is a tremendous pounds per square inch burden. Parenting under pressure is rarely pretty. For the sake of the love of our children, we do it. I can see that you are putting out the emotional positive vibes even though you are running dry.

*HUGS* if ok!

I read your original post and that's what made me remember my own 2 separations with all the drama albeit with older children. It makes it harder to explain to the child - but I think the hurt is the same regardless of the age. And while one kid was more angry than sad, and the other one was more sad than angry. Both children were both angry and sad. I read up on children's therapy and got them both into a great therapist who was free with the social program I enrolled under. I also did some art projects and clay time with them to pound out some of their anger.

Either of them can ask me for newspapers and I'll let them rip them up, no questions asked. I even clean up the ripped paper afterwards to encourage them to do it.

We have regular fun events to put as much positive spin on things as possible. One thing I noticed, they developed an exaggerated sense of disappointment. It's like the tiniest ripple of disappointment sparks the mother lode of pain and abandonment. So we had to work on resilience and we're still working on it.

You can cut the feed back loop between them and you and your husband where the tension riccochets all over the place and you'll end up feeling a lot better as a parent because you won't be seeing the same emotional energy on the backswing.

Sending good thoughts to you!!!!
Farine